I'm feeling muddled and frustrated. My dad has been in the hospital for two weeks and is in ICU right now. He's not doing well, to put it simply. My problem is that I have never felt comfortable around my sisters and brothers. My anxiety soars when it comes to family situations. I'm doing better, but not in this case. My mom is having a hard time keeping track of all that's going on with Dad, so when she calls me she doesn't remember what she's told me and what she hasn't. There's supposed to be a "calling tree" going on, so that we all get the information. But, the one that's supposed to call me hasn't been calling me. Nice, huh? Also, with the Privacy Act, the hospital staff can't tell me anything. So, it gets very frustrating trying to figure out what's going on. I live 45 minutes away from the hospital and have a very busy schedule, working two jobs and trying to raise up two teenage boys on my own. The rest of my family lives within 10 minutes of the hospital. They "use" the distance against me and say that it's all my fault that nobody calls me, because I live so far away. I'm not long-distance, so I don't see where that should affect anything. I'm part of the family, but they don't treat me that way. Also, my mom is one that doesn't like to "ruffle feathers", so she told me to call my niece everyday, if I want to get information about my dad. According to her, I have NO REASON to be upset about not getting called. This is a very difficult situation for me. Any ideas? HELP!!! please...

First let me say I am sorry that your dad is having such a hard time. I hope everything turns out ok.

Second, I would suggest if you have a certain family member that you are more comfortable with that you call that person and explain that you would like them to keep you informed. Just let him or her know that you are worried about your dad and dont want to have keep bothering your mom for info as she is probably having a hard time. You could even do the calling so they dont feel like all the responsibility is on them. Try not to let this situation cause family trouble as everyone is probably emotionally drained and it makes it hard to find the patience to deal with one anothers personalities. I would feel upset too if I wasnt getting informed but try to work around that and find the best way to deal with it. Are you taking care of yourself? Remember that the constant worry needs to be dealt with in a healthy way so it doesnt pile on and make us sick. Try to get some exercise and take a bubble bath and pamper yourself some too.

Take care,
Reena

If i could just offer some words of advice.
I would stand up for myself and find out why the person in my "calling tree" isnt doing their job and relaying the info to me after all..you are part of the family and have the right to know just as much as the rest of your family. It is very hard with family situations..but the positive spin on this could be that you would gain much more self esteem and confidence in asking for your needs.