Hi guys,

I got myself a temporary, part-time job at the local community college. I am working in the cashier's office which deals with ALL the money that goes through the campus. I started this job on Monday, July 18th.

My boss is moody and snaps at everyone, me included. She began snapping at me on Thursday. She snapped for things she hadn't taught me, she thought I understood what she was saying, but she had left a lot of information out and unfortunately, I'm not a mindreader to know all of what she wanted. She's been in the position for 10 years and she probably has so much in her mind that it goes without saying, but to newcomers it doesn't.

Well, my thoughts are to see how things go this week. This job could be very good for me for several reasons. It will bring in extra money, it will get me out and about with other adults, it will give me skills for future jobs and I was hoping it would help me with my anxiety - HA! It's on its way back with her around. I'm thinking that if she snaps at me a few times this week that I should confront her. I'm thinking of saying "I know you have a very stressful job with a lot of responsibilities. I respect your position and all it entails. That aside, when I don't live up to your expectations on a project, I'd appreciate if you could be a patient with me since I am still learning. I am human, I'm eager to do a good job and impress you, to help YOUR job go smoother, and ultimately to make you look your best."

I feel like confronting her and I feel strong enough to do so her rather than to just take her attitude and snapping. I just want to be sure I say it properly and in context of what is happening. Should I say anything at all? I'd like some input on this and the 'speech' I'm planning on using. Any suggestions?

Hi Diane,

Your message is pretty good, but a bit long. Make sure no ones around when you say something. Take her aside if you have to. (This is one I haven't had the guts to do myself yet)
Just say how you feel when she snaps. How about something like "I don't understand why you said (insert comment here) to me. I feel like I have done something wrong. Can you explain why you said it that way?" Then don't say anything. Let her think about it and respond.
If you're nervous about it don't worry. I shake in my boots when I confront people. But I do feel a lot better about it once I've done it. I DEFINITELY think you should say something. Don't let her treat you that way without saying something. Just remember not to get angry. Just state how you feel. Having a script and a plan is really good. Try to figure out how you think she could respond to your question, and have a plan for your own response to that too.

It could be "gee, I'm really sorry I snapped at you."
or "Well, I didn't realize that what I said was bothering you."
or "I really wish that you knew how to do this better" (this could be a problem, because she'd be blaming you, and not taking responsibility for her rude behavior) Just repeat what you said before in more direct terms. "I am working hard to learn these new skills. However, I feel like I was treated poorly. That's not acceptable. What can we do about that?"
I'm sure you can come up with other possibilities for her response. Even if they seem over the top, its ok, laugh at them if they are. The better prepared you are, the more confident you'll feel, and you'll start seeing that sometimes you exaggerate the possible responses. (at least I do) and then you feel more comfortable with people. Most won't spit fire or bite your head off. Most of the time, people just don't know what bothers me. They're surprised when I finally tell them. I hide it too well!!!

Good luck and write back when you do it.

Its a success just for doing it.

Deb

"I know you have a very stressful job with a lot of responsibilities. I respect your position and all it entails. That aside, when I don't live up to your expectations on a project, I'd appreciate if you could be a patient with me since I am still learning. I am human, I'm eager to do a good job and impress you, to help YOUR job go smoother, and ultimately to make you look your best."

I think I would try an even more softer approach. "Looks like you're the GO-TO guy around here. You sure seem to do a variety of jobs. Is there anything I can help you with? I know I'm still learning, but if I can do something for you I'd be willing to try."

Tough situation for you. Good luck.

Tammy

If she snaps back with an insult or cranky reply I'd say "I'm sorry you feel that way. I'm a hard worker if you give me a chance. We're all under pressure here and I'm really trying to work together. I won't get in your way again, but if you need me, I'll be at my desk."

Thanks for your ideas. Here's another one for you...
All of last week went good. Roz was pleasant all week long. But today was upsetting for a different reason. She and the girl who works about 10 ft from me were whispering to each other all day long. It was very un-nerving. It felt like I was in high-school again, 22 years later! Yeah, I know I'm sounding paranoid, but who wouldn't?! This woman has brought back so much of the insecurities I've lived with for YEARS, and felt I was finally getting over - until now. It all came rushing back along with the anxiety, stress, heavy chest and migraines.

I think my work is acceptable for the amount of time I've worked there. Today I asked the assistant manager if I was learning quick enough and if I was doing OK. He assured me that I'm doing fine, and that he hasn't heard anything to the contrary. He could be telling me the truth, but he could have been caught off guard and said the first thing many people would say so as to not hurt my feelings.

My plan to talk to Roz if she snapped again didn't come into play because she had behaved herself ever since my last post, except for this new thing today. I am debating whether to tell her and the girl that I feel what they did was not only rude, but unprofessional as well. I am also debating whether or not to speak to her boss (whom I've known for about 30 years from childhood) about what has been happening. I'm sure her boss knows her moods, but I think she should know that I might be tempted to leave because of these behaviors.

I've already been upset by this woman's actions, but I am going to stand up for myself and politely and professionally let them know that it is unacceptable to me. It could cause more problems for me with her, but it could also give her a newfound (or the beginning of) respect for me.

Whatever happens will happen I guess.