i'm doing week 3 for a second week, because i just don't get the positive self talk. it's easy to say "just change your thinking" but doing it isn't working.
and so i ask myself, why bother? what good will come of thinking positive? what good will come of lying to myself? will that make me happy?
i absolutely hate college, i just lost my job, i don't have many friends, i don't want to be on medication, my husband is upset with me because i'm not really looking for a job, even though i've known since june that the end of the month was the end of the job. i haven't heard back from any place i've applied. why keep applying? so i can work at walmart? then why did i spend all this money on college? it's a waste.
what's the point of getting "better"? when i feel good, it never lasts, and it's a much harder blow to go from happy to depressed than just existing to depressed. the higher i get, the harder the fall will be. and it'll come, there's no doubt about that. happy doesn't last.
i can't say everything i would like to, because it'd be against the rules of the forum, but i think i can say that i haven't cut in 8 months, and the temptation is overwhelming. i'm going to try to sleep it off i guess. pretend tomorrow might be better. pretend i want tomorrow, and not just the emptiness of sleep.
sorry if that's all inappropriate or a downer for anyone. it's just all i can think

SORRY YOU LOST YOUR JOB AND ARE FEELING SO BAD. KEEP DOING THE PRORAM AND BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THIS. I DO. THE ECONOMY IS REAL BAD SO I WOULD BE SURPRISED IF YOU DID GET A JOB. SO DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP. YOU ARE NOT LYING TO YOURSELF IF YOU TELL YOURSELF GOOD THINGS. WHO WANTS YOU TO STAY DOWN AND THINK BAD THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF-SATAN. HE IS THE "FATHER OF LIES" SO DON'T BELIEVE THE BAD THINGS YOU CHOOSE TO BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELF. HE HAS PLANTED THOSE THOUGHTS AND YOU ARE CHOOSING TO BELIEVE THOSE THOUGHTS RATHER THAN THE GOOD THINGS GOD IS PLANTING. YOU ARE DISMISSING THOSE. REMEMBER THAT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE A CHOICE. YOU CAN EITHER CHOOSE TO THINK BAD THOUGHTS OR GOOD. IF YOU THOUGHT BOTH WERE LIES WOULDN'T IT BE MORE PRODUCTIVE TO THINK GOOD THINGS? I WILL PRAY THAT "YOU WILL KNOW THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE" JOHN 8.

Words have power, that is the reason for the positive self talk. Go back and reread what you have written in your post. Depression has its own language. It tells us that nothing is worth the effort and all is for nothing. It becomes this all consuming lie. But in your post I read that you are intelligent, you have someone who loves you and is trying to support you, financially and otherwise. And if you have just one friend, that is a blessing! Even if you end up working at Wal-mart for a while, that's okay...maybe there is someone there who's life you need to touch. If you do get a job that does not use your degree right now, that doesn't mean you have to stay there forever. Depression tells us things will always be negative. But all things pass, including the bad moments. I have suffered from bouts of depression since I was 12. I believe this program will help me and I believe it will help you, too. Blessings to you.

Deb,
Thank you for your support, but I'm not a Christian so I really don't believe there's any evil force putting the thoughts in my head.


Beth L.,
My husband tries so hard, and I feel like I contribute nothing. I don't actually have my degree yet (I have at least 1 year left), so I know I won't get a great job. I know I could get a job as a home health aide, but my husband doesn't want me to do that because of the problems it caused before. It was something I enjoyed, but not worth the monetary loss it caused (I think I ended up spending more on gas to get to work than I made once I got there, and I was lucky to get 24 hours a month, no matter how many hours I asked for). I also enjoyed cashiering, and I did that for about 2 years. It seems like most places would rather hire someone with no experience so they can pay them less, but I'm to the point where I'd work for minimum wage. Less if I really had to.

Hello! I just sent a post to you that went off into the unknown by accident. Oh well! I'll try again!

You made the good decision to start this program. You are the best judge concerning reviewing through week 3 again. I would encourage you to proceed with week 4 after this week. We are beautiful,wonderfully made, complex beings. No single lesson is going to do it all. Just look at the headings for the coming weeks. Lucinda has a lot of information and coaching yet to share with us. She also says in the teaching video that we will be encouraged to continue positive self talk in the coming weeks. We aren't "there" yet. It's OK! This is a tough exercise! Give yourself permission to not be good at it! Write down your negative responses. Underneath them write a positive response. Hold on to these. Date them. When you look back after a number of weeks you will see improvement. Then consider destroying them in an appropriate manner. Yes this is hard work. It is frustrating when you try to root out negativity but well worth the effort. Get someone else to help you when you are having a hard time. Post here within reason for the assistance. There are sensitive caring people here that are willing to help.
I salute you for facing this head on. You mentioned "what's the point of getting better". When you feel better about yourself, school, job hunting etc... will likely take a positive turn. That "feeling good never lasts" is a truthful statement. No one I know of always feels great about everything. Life has its hills and valleys. This program is going to help all of us participants to keep the valleys from being so low and our stays there so long. I am choosing to prefer the highs of positive thought. Join me! Do choose to keep at it with the rest of us. It's normal to feel down especially after a fun time or a high. I suspect we'll get direction there as well!
Review the positive realistic responses you've gotten here. We're not lying. Your own words reveal that you are a caring sensitive and polite person who is having a hard time. Also that you are willing to reach out for help. Now that's a positive response to feeling way down! Good girl!
Keep us "posted".

This is common thinking with depression. It's how anybody thinks when they are very depressed. It's okay, not inappropriate. It's okay to feel how you feel whether anyone else likes it or not. I've been here a lot, but not for a while.

If you haven't worked in 7 years [my first time] or 2 years[this time thus far] Wal-mart is not a negative. It's a positive. If I can work for Wal-mart, I can work doing accounting which is what my degree is in. I've worked for two publicly held companies [stock traded on stock exchange] and was hired to be controller of the second one. But, depression has been a struggle for me for 30 years. Over that time I've averaged taking 200mg of meds daily, at times up to 300mg. But since working with the program for an extended period of time I'm completely off of anti-anxiety meds for 5 years now [was on them for 27 years] and my anti-depressants have dropped by over 90%. I'm at 18.5mg daily now and hope to off be of them totally at some point. All of this happened because of the program and exercise. I'm simply trying to say that "positive" thinking and stopping the beating up on ourselves stops depression and restores us to healthy emotions.

Thinking is an electrical and chemical process. Negative thinking creates imbalances in the brain. Norepenefin, dopamene, and other nuerotransmitters find it difficult to work properly in an electrical/chemical soup which is primarily negatively based or grounded. Changing how we think will restore the balance and the ability of nuerotramsmitters to function properly. It can literally change the brain chemistry so we're healthy again, just like negative thinking has caused us to be sick.

This is not you talking, it's the depression. You can get better. But, it is possible you may need a change in medication to help with stability.

I sympathize. I've felt and thought the exact same thoughts. It is very painful. With depression, there are times that it may be impossible to work with the program and self talk without getting help in getting stabilized with meds. It's okay to be where you're at. You are trying as best you know. Don't beat yourself up. You're shoulding all over yourself with telling yourself you "should" be able to get a job that matches your education, jobs "shouldn't" be so hard to get, I "should" have more friends, should, should, should, yada, yada, yada. You're beating yourself up big time. I know, in depression it happens automatically. You don't even have to think about it.

Glad you expressed what you're really feeling. It's okay, some of us understand. You're buying into a lot of lies at the moment due to the depression. It's okay. Try and be kind and compassionate to yourself. It is the way out of depression. Hope you feel better tomorrow.