I am almost afraid to stop worrying. What if I stop worrying and start trying to live my life and find out that I really do suck and really am all of these horrible things I tell myself I am? I want to live, I really do, but then it's all on me and what if I can't handle it?
I've dealt with this for so long. I feel like I keep waiting for my life to begin, but I'm afraid to begin it because I'm afraid I'll make all the wrong decisions and end up in a worse place. I've already wasted so much time.
I know I do a lot of what-if-ing. If I try to counter the what-ifs, the yeah-buts get me. I'm a pro at this.
I haven't heard anyone else in this program feeling this way. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of living the rest of my life out. It seems so overwhelming. I'm only 29 and I'm already so tired.
Has anyone felt this way?

Hi K.rae,
I'm new and was reading the posts this morning. Yours caught my attention. I think I felt the same as you when I was your age but was not as self-aware. It's taken me a lot of years to get to where I am, which is determined to go for it no matter what.
It is scary and there are still some things I am not ready for but I will tell you this... Everything that has scared me that I have gone ahead and done has not always gone well - sometimes I have failed - but the self-respect I have gained is worth it. It's all what you tell yourself about things. "Well, yeah, I sucked - but I DID it!! Next time I will do it a little better..." And a lot of the time it went MUCH better than I ever anticipated and I was left thinking, "THAT'S what I've been so scared of??"
Try this "what-if" on for size... What if you start "going for it" at 29 - where will YOUR life be when you are my age? Wish I'd had this program then. Have courage, my friend.

Hello K.Rae,
I can't beleive this. I was just about to write about the same thing and then read your post.
I have exactly the same feelings but I also am afraid because I always feel that if I stop worrying then the things I'm worrying about will come true as if my worrying has some power over them. I know it's ridiculous but my worrying has such power over me that I can't stop.
I do know though that we have to do the things we are afraid of. We have to face our fears no matter what the outcome. Just as Chrysalis mentioned, the gain in self respect is well worth it. Remember, it's better to try and fail than not try at all. This is the motto that I am going to start living by myself, as hard as it is and as long as it takes. One of my favorite sayings is from Nike "Just do it".

Wishing you well.

Wishing you well

Thank you so much for replying. I have an aversion to forums and chat rooms because people can get so snarky on them sometimes.
Joe, I do the same thing. It's like a superstition. I feel like if I don't worry about it, who will? And if no one does then what will happen. Things must be worried about properly or they will fall apart. Of course, I know this is ridiculous, but often the superstitions part of me wins out.
Chrysalis, thank you. I look around and people seem to know what they're doing and I always think, what am I missing here? Were you ever afraid that if you picked something and went with it you might get down the road and realize you made the wrong decision? And then you've wasted more time. I wasted a lot of time in my early twenties trying to please my family. Then I chose to go to photography school. I graduated and worked really hard and became a photo assistant. I wasted 5 years before I realized that I was miserable. So I quit. Now I'm stuck. I'm so afraid to make a decision with everything. I can't even imagine where to go next. All of the people I look at who are successful, knew exactly what they wanted to do from a young age.
I'm getting myself worked up, so I'm going to stop. Thanks again.

Oh Wow- This is actually an awesome subject. I've also been thinking about it a lot. I'm 33 and I've lived with the anxiety and panic attacks since I was 4. So - I thought - who will I be and how will I live without all the worries? I also thought of all the things that have failed (including my marriage of 10+ years) because of this horrible affliction.

Let's look at this together - as mentioned earlier - what will your life be like when you let go of the fears and worries and be in the moment? We all have to live in order to make the mistakes. But we all have to make the mistakes in order to move forward in life.

We are all in similar shoes (though, different styles, of course). We are all here for support in each of the steps that need to be taken. I'm exactly in the thought pattern - it's time to let go of the "what-ifs" and say "so-what".

Good luck to you and much success in all the steps you take. -J

K.rae, Trust me all those people out there you think know what they are doing, Don't! They just do things anyway! Which what we all need to be doing! Your not a failure, and its a much better life, when you learn NOT to worry about everything, to the point of YOU not being who you were meant to be.
Living Life is risk, for every human alive! So why not enjoy taking the risk and Loving every moment. Anxiety cant harm you, but it can keep you from moving foward , but, only if you allow it! You get to be in charge of your life! Isnt that wonderful! And if your doing the program, and taking positive steps, you will make IT!!!! take care Nelly

Nicely said, Nelly....
K.rae, she is 100% correct! Just keep working with the program that you have begun. It truly is Wonderful - and it just Keeps getting Better!!! Keep coming back and I'll see you around. Seadog

Thanks guys. I've been working the 3rd session about positive thinking. I am starting to notice small changes. I'm trying to just keep breathing and not jump down my throat about the future too much right now. Thanks for all your comments and encouragement.

quote:

Originally posted by k.rae:
I am almost afraid to stop worrying. What if I stop worrying and start trying to live my life and find out that I really do suck and really am all of these horrible things I tell myself I am? I want to live, I really do, but then it's all on me and what if I can't handle it?
I've dealt with this for so long. I feel like I keep waiting for my life to begin, but I'm afraid to begin it because I'm afraid I'll make all the wrong decisions and end up in a worse place. I've already wasted so much time.
I know I do a lot of what-if-ing. If I try to counter the what-ifs, the yeah-buts get me. I'm a pro at this.
I haven't heard anyone else in this program feeling this way. I'm not afraid of dying. I'm afraid of living the rest of my life out. It seems so overwhelming. I'm only 29 and I'm already so tired.
Has anyone felt this way?

yes

Hi K.Rae,
Today I had an obsession as usual about checking some dimensions on a project that I'm working on (which I probably checked about 20 times before) but I fought it for about 5-6 hours and didn't check. Some of this time was painful and some of the time I actually forgot about it. Unfortunately I caved and gave in. But just the fact that I forgot about it for a while gives me hope that I will overcome this. I believe that if we fight through the pain it will eventually lose strength and we will overcome.
Keep fighting K.Rae

Just try to remember that all that is, is more negative talk because every can be and deserves to be in control of there life. I had a fear to change before I had the program but I took chances anyways and youll be happy you did.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by chrysalis:
Hi K.rae,
I think I felt the same as you when I was your age but was not as self-aware. ...What if you start "going for it" at 29 - where will YOUR life be when you are my age? QUOTE]

K.rae -
I echo the sentiments of chrysalis (abbreviated above)!!!
I'm 39, and feeling exactly as you describe - Bravo to you for taking this on...you'll love yourself even more with each new year. I often start lamenting the time I've wasted each day whihc has turned into 5 years. - so take some advice from the future (39 yr olds), the present is a great time to start your journey. I am focused on seeing mistakes as part of the process, not as failures. And also having compassion for myself as I do for others! We are so hard on ourselves.

Oh man, I had NO IDEA at your age. - Did what I guess I thought were "the right things" or what I "should" do. Lived for everyone else and didn't know what I was about or wanted or needed.
I'm going to school now (at 46) taking business classes which I LOVE. (I always thought I was supposed to teach - like my grandmother). Maybe I will volunteer (on my terms) but don't want to get burned out.
My suggestion is to try out a lot of things and see which things just keep coming back up in your heart over and over. Which ones you feel passionate about.
I am constantly writing down my "dreams" and "goals" - which change with time but the things that remain are the ones I was destined to do I think. I refine and refine and refine my list and it has crystallized over time so that I am much clearer. It helped to stop living for everyone else out of duty and feeling "selfish" for pursuing my dreams. I think I honestly have more to offer my kids now. My grown sons call me for advice and to bounce things off every few days. I had nuthin before - too stressed out! I honestly love my 4 boys more than anything but don't "live for them" anymore - most of the time. Growing in that...
You have gotten a lot of good advice and support here from everyone! Good luck to you, girl...

Hi K.rea, Just remember these are lies you've been telling yourself because of fear. When you start down the road of what-if's, you need to become focused on the present (where am I, Where am I going, Notice everything around you). I find when I can become present, I can stop the onslaught of all the negative thoughts. I actually say "NO" or "STOP" out loud and it seems to stop it. I hope this is hopeful, You can do it!!! nlou

I'm trying to start noticing the things that keep coming back to me. I have a hard time because I'm interested in so many things, but hopefully I keep getting closer. For right now, I'm just enjoying my hobbies and working on taming the A&D.
I've been working Session 3 this week and was really dreading it. I kept writing down my negative thoughts and just collecting them. I really didn't want to sit down and confront them. But when I did start trying to make them positives I found that it was actually kind of fun. And much easier than I thought. It took some of the power out of the negatives. Of course, the big, ugly fears like gas prices and retirement and the presidential race are difficult to answer and I still don't know what to do with them. But maybe once the little things are under control, the big things will be more manageable. I have to hope, anyways.