I was dreading today - yes, that anticipatory anxiety - since last week. Ever since the anxiety kicked in big time in early January, I have limited my activities and avoided activities that might provoke claustrophobic feelings. That includes limiting time with other people and staying away from train trips where the doors will be shut for several minutes at a time.

Because of meetings my boss scheduled today, I had to face all these fears at once. We took the Long Island Rail Road non-stop into Penn Station for 20 minutes. We had two long back-to-back meetings. (I actually felt so miserable when I woke up, that I thought of taking a sick day, but knew that would be the wrong thing to do.)

I was uptight the entire time. Fixated as always on my breathing and struggling to stay calm. By the time were through, I was exhausted, asked to take the rest of the day off, yet still had to ride the train back home, keeping me on edge for a while longer.

But I made it through. I didn't lose control once, didn't pass out, didn't stop breathing as I fear will happen in tight situations, or anything else. The worst was that I felt spacey, was a little quieter than usual while I tried to coped, and was on edge and tired.

I would have liked to have handled things a little more smoothly. Of course, rather than heap those expectations on myself, I will pat myself on the back for making it through, knowing that I have something positive to build on for the next time.

Newlanark

You could have put this post in the Triumphs section. You did a fantastic thing for yourself today, for your self-esteem and confidence. One of my major body symptoms and fearful obsessions has been my breathing and so I probably have a pretty good idea of what type of challenge this all was for you.

Patting yourself of the back is an important recognition and it�s great you are doing that...you might also throw in a reward of some kind. It�s so easy for us to push this suggestion from the program aside...though it is an equally important step...a way to directly attach enjoyment to the end of our efforts. I know I let this slip far too often...and I�ve noticed that the result is...very quickly after the challenge...I slip into not thinking it was such a big deal and my unconscious �feel/thoughts� become, that I would have expected I should have been able to do whatever it was (When my reality was the day before...that I wasn�t sure if I was going to be able to do it at all.) Rewarding yourself in some way...helps to cement that pat on the back.

I have made a lot of progress with the breathing issues since starting the program and I credit trusting and practicing the 2-4 breathing technique with a large chunk of it, as well as the relaxation tape. I went thru a pretty big challenge myself yesterday and as a result, felt more anxiety and for a longer period of time than I have in a while...and as if I needed physical proof of this...I had major stomach cramping/issues all this mourning and this is also something I�ve not dealt with for a while. I used the 2-4 breathing a lot, along with many of the other skills and I did well. The amount of discomfort I felt though...has me recognizing that it�s time for me to start hitting that relaxation tape again and again...so I thought I�d mention it to you also. If you�re at all interested in some of my thoughts concerning the breathing fixation, as I have experienced it...go to the �Lesson 1 forum� and click on the �Sighing and Yawning� post by gal30...I�m the second post. Maybe something in there relates to you on this count.

Take care
JOP

One thing that helps me to stay centered is to carry something small with me in my pocket that I can hold and touch- actually, I always carry a small cross in one pocket and a little velvet heart and a small turtle in the other. It might sound somewhat wierd but they are little objects of big symbolic meaning to me - the cross to remind me I am not alone, the heart to remind me that I am loved and the turtle to remind me to keep sticking my neck out and taking risks. When I am about to go into tough situations - and there have been many, most notably at work - I reach inside my pockets and feel these anchors. No one else can see them but they are with me. They keep me present and enable me to treat both myself and whoever I am with, with compassion.