ok, i am quite p.o.ed so bear with me.
I am fat.and i do not want to hear other wise and i do not want to hear things like "don't put yourself down like that" because I AM NOT putting myself down by stating the truth. i am proud of the fact that i am fat.i am 5'10", have a 34 inch waist and 44 inch hips.i am not a small girl.yes, i have my down days(shoping for jeans mostly) but for the most part i am comfortble with my body. i think having someone who loves you and your body helps. after my fiance left me i went through a period of self hate, but i am over it again and i am feeling good.
now, something else i think i need to make clear is that i do not eat like a "fat person" quite a few fat people don't. i eat only when i am hungry and i stop when i have eaten enough to know i will feel full. most people o not realize there is a 15 minute delay between your mouth, tummy and brain.i eat good things and indulge in little bits when i feel the need to.i am on my feet walking around and lifting 50lb bags of dog food and flats of cans for five hours of my day. before work i do yoga and calenetics. i have mucles under this fat!
now, don't go thinking i am a fat and fit saint, i spend days in bed, and go for midnight snacks once in a great while, i miss exercising and i LOVE chocolate. but i am healthy. i am fat and i am healthy. my doctor tells me i am healthy. there are kidt half my size that have higher colestorol then i do.
(i fin it a bit scary that teenagers should have that problem at all)
my point is, we do not need to be less then what we are to be happy. the people who think such back ward things need to be flogged.life is far to short for self heatred and celery sticks(though i rather like celery sticks)
and now for a brife word from our sponsers: i hade a life changing expirance after reading a book called "FAT!SO?" written an amazing fat woman named Marilyn Wannwho is also the editor of a magizine by the same name.this is the most body positive thing i have ever read.the website is a hoot as well(FATSO.com) it made me learn to love myself, or atleast it helped.
so anyway, i just wanted to share that.
i used to be the fat kid no one liked and every one teased.that was a big part of what fuled my panic and anxiety.but not any more. i love myself.and when i leave to go to work or out shoping i stand up stright to let my shirt cling to my waist and flare at my hips, i don't suck in my tummy any more, i just go out and if people do not like what they see they can look away.

with all my love and hope that others can feel the way i do, take care,
Huntress (Lindsey)

p.s. and remember, DIET is just DIE with a T

new stuff:
i guess the reason this all bothers me so much is because this image thing is so forced down our thoats, ya know? i am just old enough to remember the 80s and my leg warmers and my "work out with barbe!" video. hoe sick was that! and i also remember being five years old and thinking i should be doing more with my barbe work out video because i was fat. how very messed up, i was five freaking years old!thinking i was fat!i wana be samoen.in samoa(i know i am spelling that wrong) it is good to be fat. it means you wil be a good mother and that you are healthy. damit do i wanna be samoen.

Huntress,
What a wonderful post!
I worked with this wonderful woman once who was heavy. And it was HER. I couldn't imagine her any other way. I mean she was really a beautiful woman both physically and personally. One day our office got talking on weight and she said that she hated the way she looked because she considered herself overweight. My heart dropped to my stomache. I having struggled with my weight my whole life, knowing the feelings I had gone through found it very hard to imagine that she struggled with this issue also. It really saddened me. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was and that I could not imagine her any other way and that I was sure her husband and everyone else felt the same way, and that I really hoped one day she would feel the same way. (Okay I just had a really strong dejavu that I wrote this entire thing before!)
Any ways, I wish I had told her. And I think it's great that you've shared this here. Thank you Lindsey.

Wow hunteroo,

Glad you could get over all that so easily, i think it has traumatized me for the rest of my life. Good for you man! I guess everyone looks at it differently, perhaps i'd feel the same way you do if i were treated with any sort of respect by any man or cranky ol bag (actully more of those narrow minded skinny chicks with the...oh, dont get me started!) that has walked by me but no such luck yet. Maybe i need to move out to where you are...lol NY is full of judgemental f***s. Remember that poor little 12 year old that killed himself in a classroom because everyone picked on him about his weight? I think some people are more bothered by it than others. Tell ya what, you keep hating diets and i'll keep trying to find one that works...lol Take care hon!

Doyle

grateful, thanks for reafirming to me that this was a good thing to post, i was not so sure after i hit the add post botton. but you reply really made me feel good.
and i have met soooo many wonderful, beautieful men and woman like the woman you knew. you just can not imagin them any other way.thanks again.

doyle, ya know hon, i think one day you could feel the way i do.i still have days where i feel like everyone is stareing at me and judging me and thinking that i am fat scum.i don't think those days can ever go away, i just try not to let them effect me like they used to. those feelings have taken to much of my life away. i'm sure you would agree. and i wish there was something i could say to help get you started or reasure you, but...i cant think of anything that would not seem silly.
don't get me wrong, i am deeply scared by the things that have happened to me.
being called every name, having things thrown at me i could go on and on. i was afraid to go to school because i thought i might not make it home.that is why i am a droup out, that is why i go to work every day and have people look down on my now, not because i am fat. but because i work at a wal-mart.or, because i wear all black under that dumb a$$ smock.i think my weight is why i started to dress the way i do,so people would have something to stare at other then my big butt(half harted laugh)
anyway doylers, i think you will be able to love yourself someday, just the way you are how ever that might be. if the size you are now, good, if it is a few sizes smaller well that is good too.
and i think i can agree to your offer, i am gonna keep hateing diets and you can go right on ahead searching for a good one, so long as you are at least a little happy and don't go trieing anything that is gonna get ya hurt, someof those diets are friggen crazy!
anyhoo, lots o love and all the best,
Huntie

Hey Huntress,

Well I'm fat too, but I HATE it! The strange thing about this is that when I wasn't fat, I thought that I was. I've never been petite and when I weighed 140 pounds (I'm 5'5) I may not have been "skinny" but I certainly wasn't fat either and I would love to be at 140 pounds again. I guess the point I'm trying to make is the same one you are, it's all in the way we look at ourselves. I see women on talk shows walking around in tiny little shorts and skirts and they weigh over 200 pounds and they think they look good. There was a time when I was 140 pounds that I wouldn't even wear a pair of shorts. I wear them all the time now. Thank God my boyfriend doesn't like "scrawny" women. He thinks super models and most celbrities are too damn skinny. He thinks that a woman should have curves and he loves my body. I on the other am loosing weight because I want to. I prefere to be smaller than I am so that's what I'm doing. However, I think that a person needs to be hapy with them selves and if your happy and weigh 90 pounds or 390 pounds I think that's all that matters.

Take Care, Mellie

By the way, the Richard Simmons food mover is what works for me if anyone is interested.

The way I look at weight is that it is something we ultimately have control over. WE don't have control over such things as how tall we are, or if we have deformed arms or legs. WE can't change what scientifically we are not able to change. Unfortunately in this world we live in, people judge others first by their appearance. It's really too bad. Your appearance only changes what's inside you if you let it. But unfortunately there's that thing called our ego. If we don't feel good about ourselves it affects how we think, and percieve how others feel about us. Thats one of the things thats so nice about a forum like this. We don't know what others look like, but we know them thru their thoughts. If everyone was blind, could you imagine how each of us would treat each other. So next time you think that someone is judging you on your appearance pretend that they are blind, and be yourself. It's thru kind words and caring that we recieve kindness from others, not thru looks. I have a friend, a dear friend who weighed over 600 pounds, he has lost over 250lbs, I didn't think of him as someone overweight on a level which I thought was disgusting, I was worried about him because of health issues. He's diebetic, and also his circulation isn't good in his legs. So my concerns are that he may not make it if he doesn't lose weight. But he's a big teddy bear, and always good for a hug. With my own weight, I've gone up and down the scale, and I have to admit that when I'm on the up side, I don't feel as good about myself. I know this is just an issue in my head, because, other then weighing more, I'm the same person inside. Yet, to make myself more positive I eat right, and exercise, this changes me physically, but much more important is that it changes my feelings mentally. But, by me going thru this experience myself, I am also able to relate to others who are overweight. Not as overweight people, but on a deeper level. It's not what's on the outside that counts, it's what's inside that matters.

So for all of us who feel that we need to lose weight, or change our hair, or that that blemish on our face will make us unappealing to others don't dispair, your still the same person inside, those who choose to see you as a good person are those who really know you. Those who don't see you other then how you look, don't know themselves.

Sander

mellie and sander,
thank you both very much for your great replys.

i feel like it took me a long time for me to begin to feel the way i do about my body, but in my world everything moves fast.when i was 4yrs old and started school i was just the chubby kid that had no friends.when i was in 3rd grade i was the fat girl every one either made fun of or felt sorry for. did any of you or your kids have to go through the remeadial reading thing? well at my school we had one of those for self esteam.i did not know why i was in it but i was...and i was in the one for reading. so then i was the stupid fat girl.in 6th grade i was just the fat girl.then i went into home school,then i droped out.
i have every reason to hate myself. i have spent most of my life watching my mother drink(not water) more then she eats, watching her sneak diet pills and eat when no one is around. she has never pushed me to be anything i am not, but knowing that she feels badly about her body...well, how is tht suposed to make me feel?
i still have very hard days,days i look at myself in the mirror ad think i am disgusting.but i can't think like that al the time. it takes more energy to hate myself then it does to except myself.
anyway, be well all,
huntie