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Why I went raw.

I couldn't find my original thread from last year, so I'm going to rewrite this. There's a lot of stuff I left out just for length's sake.

Last year, June 29th, I went 100% Raw for the first time. My friend Shmoopie (who's on this board) was talking about it for a couple of months beforehand, and I thought it sounded interesting. She told me that it had cured people of fibromyalgia, depression, people lost tons of weight, and they just GLOWED!

I wanted this. I wanted to glow again.

My entire life I have fought with bipolar disorder and major clinical depression. Though it was only diagnosed in 2004, my parents could remember times when I was just a toddler where my tantrums weren't just tantrums. I remember depressions, suicidal feelings, outbursts, and there are days and weeks in my early 20's that I can't remember at all.

My physical health went downhill fast in April 2004. I was scheduled surgery to have my gallbladder out thanks to chronic pain that often had me on my hands and knees sobbing from the agony. When the gallbladder was removed, pathology showed nothing wrong with it, although the ultrasounds had shown HUGE polyps, perhaps cancerous. (Turns out the person read the ultrasounds wrong and the polyps were in fact very tiny.) I was given Vicodin, put on medications for acid, nausea, and IBS symptoms that weren't IBS. I was tested, medicated, poked, prodded and everything else for two years. Nothing worked. I remember a night where I was on the floor in such crippling pain that I couldn't even make it to a phone to call 911. I couldn't breathe, couldn't scream, nothing.

Then I had issues with a man. And my birthmother. My life began to crumble.

My depression turned into panic. Soon I couldn't leave the house. I was afraid that my stomach would turn on me and I wouldn't be able to find a bathroom in time. I was afraid people were looking at me and talking about me, saying awful things. It got so bad that I couldn't take the trash out ... couldn't check my mail, until 3 or 4 in the morning when I was sure I wouldn't run into any of my neighbors. I stayed on the couch in the dark, crying, wanting to feel better but not knowing how. My parents became worried and started calling several times a day, just making sure I was still alive.

Soon I just became so SICK of being sick! I was so tired, exhausted over having lost my life, essentially, because of illness. I wanted to get out, do things. I started forcing myself to go to the grocery store. Sometimes I had to leave because of panic attacks, but eventually I got there and was able to get groceries. I didn't make the right choices. I let my depression rule my choices, and I came home with a cartful of junkfood.

I was able to punish myself with food. I had the freedom of going to the store, now I could fill up all the emptiness with this junk. Not long after that I figured out that I could make myself throw up and punish myself that way too. I was bulimic for about 6 months. Stuff yourself until you hurt, then throw up until you hurt even more. I didn't know how to stop. Therapy wasn't helping. Medication wasn't helping.

Shmoopie came to me with the Raw idea in late May or early June 2006. I thought about it for awhile, read stories on this board, saw how people had been healed by Raw. I decided that thinking about it wasn't going to do anything, I had to DO IT.

I threw out everything in my cupboards and fridge and freezer. I went to the store. I bought raw everything. Stuffed my cabinets and fridge with yummy raw stuff. I dove in 100% and lost over 8 pounds in the first month. More than that...

* My chronic pain disappeared. Vanished. Went away. I went from having to roll out of bed to be able to sit up like a normal person.
* I was able to stop all of the tummy medications. My insides actually started to figure things out and cooperate.
* I was able to level out on my "mental meds" and my depression and panic began to lift.
* My skin started to clear up and I began to "glow".

I fell off Raw in January 2007 after being put on blood thinners. To me, having to give up greens and other veggies was like telling me that I couldn't be Raw. It took me until July 18th to figure out that I could be raw even without greens. I went back 100% and I haven't looked back. My body is my body, noone else's. I choose what I put into it. After I was put on blood thinners, I just quit. I stopped eating anything healthy. My depression started coming back. I had to fight the bulimia again (but won!). I started eating everything sugary and fast food. Oh, did I eat fast food.

I'm back now, and better than ever. More determined, motivated and inspired than ever. I can only hope that I'm able to inspire people again, like I did last year. It's hard making a huge decision like this, but trust me. It's a wonderful decision to make.

Thank you so much (everyone!) for giving such love and support to all these fabulous people on this board. You don't know how much it means to have.
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~~Corinne