Hi All,
Ok, I'm using this message as a therapy tool, so you can read on or go to another message! I just started week 4 yesterday. I think that, by far, this is going to be the most important week for me. My expectations are off the chart. I think that they cause me more anxiety than my negative thoughts! Here's a short list:

I should have more faith in God because if I did, I wouldn't be afraid to die.
I should go to church more often.
I should read my assignments ahead of time.
I should be ready to work on advanced counseling skills.
I should not be afraid when my husband leaves for work in the morning.
I should take better care of myself.
I should listen to the relaxation tape more often.
I should use my neti pot more often.
I should contribute more in class discussions.
I should keep the apartment as clean as I used to.
I should be contributing more to our household income.
I should have gone to school full time instead of part time.
I should be working harder in my counseling sessions.
I should be more intelligent.
I should have more intimacy with my husband.
I should not worry so much about having a heart attack.

As you can see, I could go on and on and on! I'm even "shoulding on myself" about things from the past!! Wow, do I have some work to do! If anyone else has suggestions about how to make this week more productive, share, share, share! Also, I would love to see other people's shoulds. Take care everyone. Wishing you a calm mind! (That's my new motto this week because that's what I wish for more than anything for myself!)
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Jen

Hi Starla - WOW! What a "should" list you have!!! With all of the expectations you place upon yourself - it's no wonder you're not suffering from exhaustion.

From one Jen to another, PLEEEESE, let up on yourself. I know, I know, I can just hear you saying, "but how do I do that?".

You have to do this by asking yourself, as the tapes instruct you to, "whose 'shoulds' are these? I don't remember who it was not, but someone on this forum shared some great insight on these shoulds we have - and that is..."whose voice to you hear them in". Meaning, can you remember one of these statements coming from a friend or family member through the years? Can you identify a particular voice with a partiuclar should? I never thought of it that way myself and it certainly does make sense. You first have to determine which shoulds are yours and which once came from another source.

The next think I would do is replace the should with an emotionally healthy response to yourself, or better yet, do it on paper or type it out.

For instance your shoulds:

1. "I should have more faith in God because if I did, I wouldn't be afraid to die."

Here's a healthier way of looking at this should:

Everyone's faith goes through peaks and valleys - I am not the only one of my faith that feels like this from time to time. And everyone fears death at one point or another because we are only human and we fear the unknown and death is the unknown. It is not unusual to feel this way.

2. "I should go to church more often."

A healthy thought would be - I used to enjoy attending church and I know I will again. Right now I give myself permission not to place church attendance as a priority. Besides, God knows where I live (chuckle) and I can find him any time, any place, any where. God loves me just the way I am, whether I am in churh or not. The demands I place upon myself are full of conditions, whereas His love is UNCONDIONAL.

Try this and see how you do - be realistic though.

I hope I have helped a little.

Been there!
Calico (Jen too)

Starla,

My list of 'shoulds' is almost the same - although it could go on for pages. You are not alone. I imagine that quite a few of us have lists this long. Your post reminded me that "I should" review tape 4! I think
Calico's suggestions as well as those on the tapes and homework are great. However, the difficult part is getting ourselves to believe and think this way! Keep up the good work, you seem to be really committed!

Wishing you peace,

Wendy

I should find out what a "neti pot" is.

Add an "er" to should and that's exactly what it is. Added weight on our shoulder(s). Hey that's pretty good, I just thought of that!

Ok guys, Mr. Should. What does he look like? Suggestions?
He's a great big slinkey and when you touch him he slides down the steps going "should, should should should should"

I hate this guy! He wakes up before I do and sits at the bottom of my bed with a list ready when I hit the alarm. I hate when he starts to read them off and follows me into the shower. By the time we get into the car together for work he already has them in alphabetical order on index cards. He calls me at work at lunch disguising himself as my daughter's voice with a few he forgot in the car. He's in Aisle 3 at the food store with that stupid grin on his face with yet two more "should" suggestions he thought would make a nice touch. He's blinking on my email to remind me I forgot two from yesterday. He puts those stupid "Post Its" all over my refrigerator when I get home. You know what I do. I take that slinky and I wrap it around his throat about 275 wiry times and I tell him I SHOULD have done this when the alarm went off this morning.

Honor,

A neti pot is a copper pot used for nasal irrigation. You put the spout in one nostril and water flows through your sinuses and out the other side. I use it to clear my sinus passages so I don't have to take allergy meds! Hope that clarifies things!
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Jen

[This message has been edited by starla1220 (edited 09-24-2001).]

How cool is that. I gotta try one of these. Where do you get one?

quote:

Originally posted by starla1220:
Honor,

A neti pot is a copper pot used for nasal irrigation. You put the spout in one nostril and water flows through your sinuses and out the other side. I use it to clear my sinus passages so I don't have to take allergy meds! Hope that clarifies things!