I had to write an article for a small local paper, but I was terrified (I am a professional writer and editor, but I do more editing than writing and the writing always scares me to death). I didn't have much time to do it, and I was so worried about how it would turn out, whether or not I'd be able to do a good job, how I'd finish it, that I started to lose sleep over it. But then I started to change my expectations. I decided that all I'd expect of myself was that I would complete it and turn it in on time, however it turned out. And although I would do my best, if it turned out to be just average, then so be it. My life wouldn't end...my career wouldn't even end. My life would move on beyond this one dinky event in it, however the outcome.

Well, thinking that way relieved so much pressure, and I did almost all of it in one day (still have to finish it but got through the worst of it already)! And, guess what, I'm really happy with it! I think it's pretty good, after all! Wow, it's working...this stuff is really working... I'm almost afraid to admit it, afraid to jinx it, but I'm starting to feel real changes...tiny ones, but real ones nonetheless! Thank you, divine Universe, for the guidance!

I do have a question, though. Even though it helps, it works, to lower our expectations, some part of me has a problem with having low expectations of myself and others. Part of me wants to ask: "Shouldn't I expect the best of myself?" But why does expecting the best scare me away from being able to perform at my best? Why do I have to trick myself by expecting so little and then getting more?

By the way, I called it a "mini" success, but to me it was actually a huge success, if I do say so myself!

[This message has been edited by DTC (edited 02-11-2001).]

Hi DTC

It doesn't sound to me like you expected less than the best from yorself. I think what happens is that most of us expect BETTER than our best or we think that our best isn't good enough. In that context lowering your expectations from the unrealistic to the realistic frees us to truly do our best and sometimes even beyond. I had a hard time with this too ( and sometimes still do) but I'm learning the difference between unrealistic (self-defeating) expectations and realistic (healthy, freedom-producing) ones. I'm so happy for you that you wrote your article and are pleased with it. And thanks for reminding me to just do my best; it's enough

Thanks, CC! That does answer my question and does make sense. I'll have to let that sink in.

To DTC & CC

DTC - What a great story! The way you initially approached the project is the way I approach everything. I put myself in such a frenzy that I just waste precious time and can't even enjoy the project any more.

I also have a big problem with the concept of lowering expectations of myself. I just couldn't understand how I could do my best if I lowered my expectations. This whole idea confused me too.

CC - I am so fortunate to have read your reply to DTC. Now I get it!!!! When I really think about it, I probably do expect BETTER than my best and/or think that my best isn't good enough. So....I just need to identify those unrealistic expectations and lower them to a "realistic" level. Thanks CC - this finally makes sense. Sue

OK, so this covers expectations of ourselves. But what about our expectations of others? That's almost more difficult to change because it involves giving up our ideas of the way we want things to be, actually changing many of our opinions about life, even altering our values.

This past week the question of our expectations of others really bugged me. How do we adjust it, etc. Out of the blue I got some "divine" insight. I was sitting with our 2 yr old daughter watching the Disney channel on Saturday morning. She was watching a goofy little kid's show and a superhero type character said, "I'll do my best and that's the best I can do!" At first I chuckled & it sounded a bit lame to me and then I thought..."Maybe that's it." Maybe if I realize that sometimes people really are doing their best and that MY bar to them is a bit higher than anyone could possibly reach. My husband's bit of wisdom is a little more blunt but also true, "Don't expect a daisy to smell like a rose, just appreciate the daisy for what it is." (He was telling me about how that phrase helped him function as a supervisor at his previous job when he got frustrated at his employees.) And it makes sense...to me anyway. I hope that makes sense to anyone else.
Hugs,
Pam