I have been trying to tune in to my thoughts and how they affect me, especially since working through lessons 3 & 4. I am now on lesson 6 - Stop Being Angry. I have been thinking a lot about why I get angry, and many times I realize it is because of high expectations about how others should respond to me.

Today I was thinking again about a particular situation involving a friend. I thought I had resolved the issue, but find myself ruminating on it from time to time. I'm like a cow with all the stomachs - I have to keep bringing something back up so I can chew on it some more and get angry all over again!

I had gone through a very painful experience recently and had shared quite a bit with my friend. But then when she was going through a problem time, she did not choose to confide in me, even though I let her know that I was willign to listen. She did speak to a few others about it, but restricted it to those few people. I thought I was okay with that, but then I realized that I was hurt and disappointed and, yes, angry. I had incorrectly assumed that since I was willing to share personal things with her, she would be ready to do the same.

I now know that it was my expectation of her that led to my being angry. She is not me, and I cannot expect her to act in the same way I would. We didn't have a binding contract that said all future personal issues had to be discussed - that was only my expectation.

Now I have to decide if this is an issue to be "resolved" or "dissolved." Any thoughts on this?

If I were you, here's what I'd do because that would hurt me too even though what you said was correct. If she KNOWS that YOU KNOW that she confided in the other few friends but not you, I would just tell her the truth - that you were hurt that she didn't confide in YOU with her problem, only the other couple of friends. Use 'I' messages, put it on YOU, but be honest. Why not, right ? But this way you two can talk it out, you will probably be LESS angry, and she will know that you care even more. She may even be touched rather than angry. Best wishes to you !

BecBeliever