Hi guys....well I just started lesson four the other day.. I am not really doing very well with it..because I don't know how to lower my expectations??? What kind of expectations do I lower?? I did AWESOME at lesson three!! I was ALWAYS on the lookout for my negative thoughts.. And I knew how to replace them. So this is the first lesson I have had diffulty with. Can anyone give me examples of how they lowered their expectations ??? Well I started a diet and I would like to lose 50 pounds...does that mean I should expect to lose less??? lol I am soooo confused!! Anyone want to help??? I would appreciate any resonses! thanks guys!!

Shauna

[This message has been edited by oogabooga327 (edited 02-13-2002).]

Shauna,

How I did it was by telling myself that whatever I did and accomplished, even if only that the accomplishment was a baby step, that it was a step in the right direction. I also let go of other peoples expectations, because they weren't mine. One other big one is accepting myslef with anxiety, I will always have anxiety, but it will not always bother me. I also suggest listening to the tapes as many times as it takes for the light bulb to go off over my head. I hope this helps.

Silvana

We so often hear ourselves say "Why am I so hard on myself?" I think that is because we have such high expectations for ourselves. We want things to be near-perfect and fair. But obviously they rarely are. One of the tapes goes into great detail about "Life Is Not Fair." We can choose to accept that things will not always be perfect or fair.

What if I do something that somebody else does not approve of? Even that thought is a high expectation. Do we expect to please every single person all the time? Of course not. Yet we can spend a great deal of time worrying or obsessing about our actions and how they will affect another person.

I don't necessarily see a high expectation as a goal (like weight loss) but rather the method in which we believe something should take place. For instance Lucinda explains how her husband helps her with the housework. He wipes up the counter but leaves the crumbs in the dishcloth. To me that is a high expectation. I have taken this topic to heart and thank my husband for washing the dishes (as I flick a piece of food off a glass). Sure I could point it out to him and blame him for not doing a good enough job but I have found it to be more satisfying for myself to just thank him for his effort.

shawn.

Good question.

Take your weight loss plan as an example. Do you have unrealistic expectation on the amount of weight you want to lose; or the amount of time you "allow" to lose that weight? If so, your target and method could be unrealistic.

This lesson is not to teach us to how to lower our expectations. It is to teach us how to examine our expectations. If those expectations are reasonable and beneficial, then by all means, continue. However, one of the reasons we are anxious is the realistic expectations on which we hold ourselves accountable.

I hope this helps.

drop

Maybe you don't experience this trait as much as some and so grasping it seems difficult. I will give a few examples where I saw that this lesson was really needed in my case.

I have a very bad cold, had a rough day at work and I am telling my husband about my day at about 2pm. He gets home at 325pm..I get home about 510pm everyday. In my mind, I expected him to go home, straighten up, start dinner and help make the rest of my evening low key by controlling the troops, etc. When I get home, none of the above happened.. LOL. I go into turbo charged anxiety and feel let down.

It is Valentine's Day or my birthday and a few days before..I invision the beautiful cards, flowers or thoughtful gift that I "should" get to feel appreciated for all the thankless work of being a wife and mother. The day of my birthday, nothing that happens seems to live up to what I pictured.

We are having company and I have to get the dinner togther, get the house in tip top shape and expect everyone to bend over backwards to help. My husband is never going to get something as clean as I want it to be, my kids will generally whine around about having to do anything extra, etc.

I could give about 100 more examples..but I am happy to report that I don't set myself up for these letdowns anymore. I do what I can and realize that everything CAN"T be perfect! If my family loves me all year and fails to get me just what I want on my birthday..hell..I can live with that!

Hope that helps explain it alittle better.

I have a hard time trieng to decide just what my expectations exactly are. I would love my house to be spotless, and everyone to help out and do there share, I quess I expect them to. HA. But I dont quite know what I expect of myself either.Besides doing everything at 100%.