Okay here's the deal. I have had severe full-body eczema for 4 years - unbelievable hell - spent 3 weeks at a hospital, 1 1/2 years away from work force, medical bills and alternative care totaled $60,000. (So there went my savings, at least that's recoverable). Now MAYBE coming out of it somewhat but my skin is damaged (wrinkles, sagging, spider veins) from the steroids. It has been 3 years since the strong steroids so it is extremly unlikely the damage would reverse. Steroid skin damage is nothing but accelerated aging (Collagen loss) and aging isn't reversible. I took good care of my health and was proud of my looks beforehand. Now I hate my looks. I have consulting plastic surgeon & dermatologist but because my skin is extra sensitive (Also from steroids) they can't do anything, and they said that even if they could do something, it would just fix some of the damage. On the top of this, I have been depressed since age of 18 (I am 36) and anxious probably from age 3, had endometriosis diagnosed 6 years ago and have not been able to have sex because of pain. Also, my back and neck hurt. I have tried exercise,posture modification conventional medicine, chiropractic, Rolfing, massage, sex therapy, Chinese medicine, everything. I don't eat sugar, drink coffee, alcohol, try to exercise every day. I feel I have to be perfect just to get SOMETHING and NOW I have to lower my expectation. Perhaps it isn't realistic to wish my skin back or, for God's sake to have normal sex life, or be pain-free, or to do the hobbies I used to do before all this hit me. I feel like I am goign to do this program and all that's gonna happen is that I will calmly live with these problems. That just *&(*&@#% sucks! I am sorry but it sucks. I can't pretend something doesn't suck if it sucks. I feel like at most I can get some *(&(^(^(^ half-life vaguely resembling what I had before (and what I had befoer wasn't a bed of roses either - I will spare you the laundry list of all the bad stuff that has happened to me during my lifetime - it is long and pointless at this point).

I don't lower my expectations so low that they match my reality. There is no way I am going to be happy with this.

BTW, I am in Lesson 6 now but I can't get over this. I was gung ho until I got to lesson 4 and ever since it has been like pulling teeth. I realize I don't have to take everything 100% seriously from lesson 4 but if I am not going to be healthy and comfortable, why even bother with this program - I am not going to enjoy the results.

I promised my b-friend to do this program but I feel like throwing in the towel.

It is thoughts that are upsetting you, it is thoughts which can make you happy or at peace. The choice is yours. How do people who have lost the use of their limbs go on with life? They learn to adjust. What about somone who can't see or hear? The same. I sympathize with your condition, but continuing to beat yourself up due to all the problems will make you worse. I strongly advise you work the program until you see significant changes. Acceptance is vital.

Dear kira,

I sure can't top anything that Don says because he is an Extraordinary Man that is an inspiration to this meassage board.

I would like to suggest a book for you, if I may. It won't help with all that you have already been through, for that I do send my sympathies. I reccommend this book for your current situations. The book is "The Body Mind Perscription" by Dr. John Sarno. You can check it out at amazon.com and read what's it's all about there. Hope this might help ya' some.

If you're a believer in prayer, the Serenity Prayer is a great one to meditate on daily. Also remember that beauty is only skin deep...what matters most is the beauty of your heart and soul. I know personally a great Physican that can heal those, His name is God and He can be your healer too.

Sweeetest blessings,
~S~

I have seen books by Dr. Sarno, tried them and they didn't work.

I realize there are people who live in wheelchairs and cope and whatever. However, I don't want to live like that, and if I am stuck with this crap, I am just not going to be satisfied. Period. I am now in lesson 8, have been doing everything - I realize it is a good program and good attitude is a good thing and a bad attitude is a bad thing -b ut I am sorry, I can't just be happy with this, and I don't just want to go on dissatisfied with the rest of my life. Seen enough people beaten down by life, living a miserable existence. I don't want to do that.

And sorry, I am not religious. I've had several people pray for me (throughout my life) and it has never helped.

I also wanted to add that to me, happiness is a PHYSICAL feeling - feeling good in your body. It is not something inside your head. I know there are people who can live inside their heads, but I have always been a very physical person and I cannot. My body is intimately connected with my mind -I cannot and don't want to have a existence of a head on a plate. I have to be able to feel physical pleasure to be happy. My fiance is one of these people who lives inside his head. I cannot be like that. You athletes, bodyworkers out there. You understand what I mean.