I'm at the end of lesson four. Just wondering if anyone else feels a little overwhelmed with the action assignments? I feel like it's all good stuff, but it's so hard to attempt all of those new things in one week! If we just had one major new thing, it would be easier. Maybe it's just my too high expectations of myself....I'm overwhelmed!
It's frustrating because although I am learning about myself and in some ways feel as though I am making progress, when I'm put in an emotional situation (for me, staying home alone at night is very, very difficult...to the point where I cry hysterically), everything I have learned flies out the window. Anyone else have this experience? It makes me even more angry at myself, because I realize that the only reason I am not having a relaxing evening at home is because I have created a crisis...in my own mind! I didn't used to have this problem, and I know it's linked with my divorce. But still it's very hard.
I try to be my own safe person/place, and for the most part it works. But when I reach a certain "point" (such as being unexpectantly home alone), it's as if I can no longer handle myself and have to talk to someone else to get me through the night. Tonight I had to call my mom. I usually do not drink, but almost did tonight...then I put it away, realizing that was a stupid thing to do. Alcohol is a depressant and I don't need anything else feeding my depression!
I also see a counselor once a week to discuss some thinking patterns I have developed from a traumatic childhood. So I'm getting all kinds of help and know the tools...it just seems like whenever I get worked up, I can't use them!
I just want to feel better about myself...(sigh).

THis is a common issue with recovery. We forget what the plan was (to talk to ourselves compassionately) and at the moment when we need it, we cannot find the words or courage to persist. I used to write down my plan of action. If I knew I had to do something that scared me really bad, I would write some thoughts down on paper to look at as I waited for my turn to read in a group or whatever. I wrote things like puppy breath, and hugging my kids, or having a bowl of ice cream when I got home that night. Whatever brought on a strong feeling of delight I tried to think of.

Keep trying.
Tammy