Hi,

For some reason this lesson keeps me stuck. I think it's because LOGICALLY I know what they are trying to say, but my GUT doesn't think that. Is this another one of those things that you have to keep repeating to yourself over and over until you finally start believing it! Because I think this is what holds me back from "recovering" and truly healing that part of me that thinks things should be fair and I should have a better education etc etc. It keeps me stuck in my little box, so to speak, and as I listen to the tapes I "get it", but I just can't seem to apply it to everyday life. Anyone relate??

Chantal

Hi Chantal!

I don't have a problem with this lesson, but everyone is different, so don't think that it's a big deal. I think this lesson is about not putting big expectations on things (like a holiday, or a job interview, or about a date or on your husband or wife!) and then you're not so disappointed. I think it means to put more realistic expecations on things (not low expectations).

I hope this helps a little.

Helen

This is what I wrote in another message I posted:

"...I'm having trouble with some of the concepts. It's like Carolyn says on one of the tapes, I know intellectually life's not fair, for example, but how I feel in my gut when life's not fair is totally different. I know to lower or even eliminate many of my expectations, but how do you not feel bad about things that you really don't like or that hurt you or that aren't fulfilled?! How do you really lower expectations when you know you should but you want so much, and believe in, certain things? For example, I have marital problems, and so many things my husband does or doesn't do really, really bother me or cause me a lot of stress or upset me. How can I not care about certain things when I do actually care about them? It's one thing to tell yourself, but it's another to feel good about it..."

It's a hard one, all right!

Hi everybody,

I too, had a terrible time with this lesson. However, since I have taken some time to think about it and with the help from other I've decided that this is one thing that I can and need to change about myself.

Andrew, You may remember last month I was whining about my best friends forgetting my birthday. I was really sad and upset about it. I think it was in lesson 6 that you gave me some really good advice. (As you often do) Since then I have learned that what I believe to be true is not always the way it should be. I put such an importance on stuff like that and make sure that I remember anniversaries, birthday's etc. that I was heart broken when it wasn't returned.

I have since decided that these people still love me and I shouldn't expect so much. It was hard for me to come to that conclusion because I still have a problem with the fairness thing. I get mad when people are mean to other people or don't handle a situation the way I would. My big thing is when people don't return my phone calls. I would take it so personally and swear that I was never going to talk to them again. Now I realize that they too have lives and returning a phone call may not be number one on the list of things to do. I don't know how I got this way. My dad always told me that my expectations of others were to high. Of course I had no idea what he was talking about and complained that I am there for them why aren't they there for me. Imagine when I saw this was a lesson in the program.

One of my friends that forgot my birthday remembered it about a month later. She said she was sorry and she hoped that I wasn't mad. I told her that a month ago I was, but now I understand. I heard myself quoting the tape and she just looked at me like, who is this person. It felt good to release some of the expectations.

I'm sure I'm not totally cured but this session was such an eye opener. Probably one of my bigger issues. I am so glad for this forum and for the honest way that we are able to speak to each other. I can't imagine myself talking about this to someone who has no idea what I'm trying to say.

I have no idea if this helped anyone. I just wanted you to know that you that I felt the same way until I did some deep soul searching. I sure that I will still struggle with certain aspects of my expectations. I may feel totally different tomorrow ( I hope not) but even if I do I know where to go for help.

Take care everybody,
Vic