Have you ever been in a situation, where the other person isn't acting the way you want them too? Have you ever felt hopeless, like you just can't through to someone? Have you ever wanted someone to react differently? I have, and I've been paying the price for a long time. I can't help but feel all this resentment and tension inside, it's just like, as much as I want others around me to change or be different, they won't.

I've come to realize, it's not about what other people are doing, it's about how I react to it, I can't just go around making other people act the way I want them too. I can encourage people, and I can discourage people, which is fine, but when it comes down to it, sometimes people just fly off on a tangent and don't take you with, and there's just nothing I can do about it, so why do i get so worked up about it, it's pointless to. I might as well just let it go, and let whatver will be let be.

I totally hear where you're coming from and I agree it's useless. But it's a difficult habit to break and it takes lots of practice, I think. I'm working on that now. There is a lot of liberation in it though, once you get to the point where you can tolerate others without letting it upset you. I can't wait to get there. I'm tired of being angry and frustrated with people all the time. It completely exhausts me.

Mike,

Because you haven't come to the full realization that WE CANNOT CHANGE ANYONE ELSE OTHER THAN OURSELVES!! I had this problem, but reverse it, other people wanted to change me! What I figured out and how I handled it...I would say to whomever(mom), "You do not have to agree with my opinion, but you have to accept my opinion!" and by asking other people to do this for me, I in turn do it for other people.

Silvana

Hello everyone, anyone! This is my first time on this website and I am just getting started in the program. Listening to the tapes as I travel and trying to make sense of it all. I know I tend to be a perfectionist and have always blamed it on my type A personality. Because of my high expectations for myself and others I have brought alot of discontent to my life and my family's. Because of being such a perfectionist I often feel like a failure. Does this make sense to anyone? I tend to overcompensate in areas of my life that I feel I have control over for the failures in my life that I feel I should have control over yet do not, thus failure. Any suggestions from those who can relate. I know I should just "chill out" but saying it and doing it are two different things. Any suggestions would greatly be appreciated!

I dont know if this is the same thing but i babysit a little boy and he's really good for me but as soon as his mom walks in he starts acting sooooooooooo bad screaming, crying throwing a fit she spoils him so much i cannot stand that, he will throw a fit while me hubby is trying to sleep for work and she wont do anyting about it, drives me nuts i wish she would disipline him more...

hi Cara, i feel sorry for you. Getting sleep is very important. Maybe you should say something, like "shut that baby up or i'm calling the cops". or maybe you can take a more conservative approach, like "could you please try and keep your baby quiet". i hope you can find a way to solve the situation.

Take care
-Mike

[This message has been edited by mgoldberg (edited 03-04-2002).]

Thanks Mike, i have tried, she just spoils him so bad oh man it drives me nuts. Its obvious nothing is going to change, and although she spoils him she is the nicest person. Oh well we just have to deal with it

Jenn

The only person you can change is yourself. And with prayer, God can change others.

Sounds like you just had a lightbulb moment!

What has (almost) cured me of this is to ask myself, "How would I respond to someone trying to change me?"

I wouldn't (and don't) like it one bit.

How do I feel when someone is accepting me unconditionally and likes the differences we have? GREAT! I want to be around that person.

So I am trying (not always successful) to be the latter person everytime I open my BIG MOUTH :O.

------------------
Don't take anything personally.
Always be impecable with your word.
Don't assume anything.
Always do your best!

[This message has been edited by EastCobbGABetsyH (edited 03-20-2002).]

mgoldberg,

Yes, I've been there too--Resentment w/tension I know very well. I once heard that 'resentment is a premeditated expectation'. Once I thought about it, it is SO true!

It's hard to let go of what we don't like about other people. There is another saying that 'when you point the finger at someone else, there's 3 fingers pointing back at you'. I don't totally agree w/ that one--I think there is a fine line. It really depends on the situation.

What HAS helped me is too look for the good in everyone and focus on that.

Enjoy your day!
rhythm

Wow I hear you only too well. I went thru an enormous break thru with tape 3 concerning this. Listening to Lucind and realizing my personailty type showed me what a perfectionist I really am . The biggest part is in my relationship with my loving husband. He and are are total opposites when it comes to showing afection. I am very open and like lots of touchey feely hugs. I have tried for years to change him with no success. What I learned is that my anger at him is really anger at myself for failing to get things my way. This leads to anger and depression from feeling un-loved and unwanted. The thing is it's all in my head. I let go of the guilt that I was unknowing carrying around that "I" was a failure for not being able to change him. I decided to just give without looking for the same stlye from my husband. What a success it was and he was soo receptive. So the more you give the more you may recieve and the happier you will be with your self. We don't need to have everyting perfectly our way.Let youself feel great about your self.