I have been having a rough day and looking for some of you guys' good advice. To make a long story short , my motherin law who lives very close to me doesn't really seem to like me too much. I couldn't even begin to count the times she has caused me to feel bad or to cry.The worst part is she never really comes out and owns what she does, she just acts like nothing is wrong. I think alot of my anxiety has stemmed from the ways she has made me feel. Anyway, I have a doctor appt. next week and i call to ask if she could watch my kids(which i rarely ever do ) and she says well, i guess, if i don't have anything else to do. So i call her back and say , oh i forgot i already have a babysitter. I lied but, i didn't want my kids somewhere they weren't wanted! And now i just feel like i am backsliding, i feel angry , sad , and nervous! part of me thinks i should go to her and tell her how she has always made me feel bad, but then the other part thinks i should just forget it.HELP!
ALICIA

Alicia, are you married to my brother??? LOL..I guess not, neither brother has children yet...but your mother-in-law sounds just like my own mother!

My mom says exactly the same thing whenever I have asked her for a favor or to watch the kids. She does this inhale and then this large exhale as the words ride on her sign..."I suppose, but let me check to see if anything else is going on........." She has my sister's kids every other day and I ask maybe twice a year and get that reaction,,GRRR.

The funny thing is I asked my sister about it and she said that she does the same to her, but she doesn't really even think twice or let it bother her. "That is just the way Mom is", she says.

It is really hard not to take it personally..I think when I recover fully from ths anxiety stuff, I may still have little pings of hurt from things my mom did or said, but I try to look at it like this..maybe she has her own anxieties and she feels overwhelmed by a house full of kids that she wasn;t planning on...who knows?
Some people love you the best that they can, but not always the way you want to be loved and treated. This goes back to high expectations..what did you want her to say.."YIPPEE!!! YES, I CAN"T WAIT TIL THEY GET HERE!!" I know this is an exaggeraton, you probably wanted her to say something on the lines of, "Sure, no problem", but you get my point.

Now, for spite, you have called her to say that you have a sitter already. Been there, done that about a 100 times. But what do you "expect" now? IF you are like me, you want her to call and say the right thing, read your mind and show deep desire to see the kids and want to babysit them. You will proabably tell your hubby what happened and make remarks about his mom or at the very least show your disappointmant and hurt.

Look at what we do!! We cut off our own arm and wait for the other person to bleed to death!! It will never happen! Maybe you should call back and say the sitter fell through and would she mind watching them. If she says....exhale...I GUESSSSSSSSSS,then you could ask again if she is sure it won't be a problem..if she says it won't..take them and let it go.

There are two paths here..one leads to resentment, upset, anger and obsessing..that is the path you are on now. The other is a "what the hell" attitude, no she isn't jumping for joy, but I have somewhere to go and she is watching them, now I need to move on!

Don't get me wrong, I find myself on path one with my mom many times...but when you touch a hot burner and it hurts..why touch it again. The program talks a lot about accepting youself, but accepting others is also a major step to recovery. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

Hey Maggie,
You said "We cut off our own arm and wait for the other person to bleed to death!! " That just jumped right out at me. I've never been able to put a finger on a particular area in my life that bothers me but you hit it right on the head. I need to chew on this one. Thanks for the heads up.

MaggieMay,
Thanks for the truthful advice. How do you know me so well?LOL!
I know what you said is the truth, it's just so hard to see it when you are in the middle of it. You'd think i would have learned by now to quit touching that 'hot burner'!!!
I do think i will have another babysitter watch the kids though, because i know now if i bring them to my m-inlaw, she will just act grouchy and complain about them. I don't want them to feel bad about themselves, the way she has made me feel in the past. She has this way of rollings her eyes at people !I hate that! She brags about other kids, but has NEVER said one kind word about mine. So whats the use.
Thanks for the advice and understanding!
Alicia