Hi everyone,
I must admit I got a little sidetracked the past few weeks and I'm not keeping up with the program as I should.
But there's something bugging me and I don't know how to handle it. Perhaps it's why I'm stuck on lesson 4.
How can I handle my family situation?
It's NOT an ideal situation.
I live with my parents and older sister. I'm 33. We live on a farm. My father is semi-retired from his work as a mechanic, my mother is disabled, but she looks after the farm and animals. I am also disabled (arthritis) and my sister-- I can't even begin to describe her. She has major emotional problems but won't face them.
So, I find myself pulling about 75% of the work load at home. I complained, explained, tried to be nice, tried to ignore it, tried getting angry, but it's like it doesn't fizz. I'm at my wits end trying to figure out how I can actually get thru to these people.
I've tried sitting them down to talk to them about splitting the work load, but it only lasts a few hours.
If I was in a position to do so, I would have left home many years ago. But I can't for financial reasons, and I'm trying to make the best of it.
Any suggestions would be really appreciated!
Thank you,
Roxxie
PS. Has anyone read the book "Something About Mary" by Millie Criswell? That story somewhat describes my homelife!

Hi Roxxie, After reading your post I pondered what advice or understanding I could possibly give. Your biggest complaint is the fact that you are doing most of the work? It sounds like you are in a rut and feel trapped in a "world" that makes you feel like asking, "Is this all there is?" We are all put in "roles" in this game of life and not always do we find that we are totally happy in these roles. Maybe you are met to handle all of this because our higher maker knows you are the one that can! Why not relish in the fact that you are the caregiver...the one that these people depend on for their everyday existence. Choose joy. Not regret. This will only cause frustration, anxiety, and depression. Life is too precious to be wasted on such thoughts. You cannot change people Roxxie. If you have voiced your opinion and they don't respond in a manner that would like, then there is really nothing you can do to change their minds. The thing you can change is your mind! Choose joy! Do only what you can that is all anyone can accept. I know it can be difficult to live with a bunch of family adults when everyone is "stuck in their own way of thinking." So don't beat yourself up by trying to change them. If they are not going to contribute in a way you feel is fair, then let it go! Do only what you can. You'll be the better one for it! Tell them that this is all you'll be taking on (make a list if you will)because you need time for yourself or whatever the reason may be. Since you seem to be in this situation for the time being, make the best of it emotionally Roxxie. We do have free will and the free will to make choices. Choose joy. Let it go. There is no magic solution to make people change for your benefit...it just doesn't work that way. Be grateful for what you do have. Your parents are still around and that won't last forever...we all turn into parent caregivers sooner or later if we are fortunate to have them around for that long. Be grateful for a roof over your head. Choose joy. Not regret! God Bless..

Hi Roxxie,

�Workloads� may lighten more with a better understanding of the power to stop.

Doing what you can does not mean doing what you can to your own detriment.



[This message has been edited by Dolphin (edited 11-25-2001).]

Thank you DJ and Dolphin for your posts.
Before starting this program, I had the opportunity to spend 6 weeks away from home, only coming back to do the cleaning once a week. I had a clear picture at the time of what I wanted to do and how to solve this problem. But I have since forgotten what I should be doing. It is difficult when you are called upon to carry the amount of responsibility as I am, and because it is family, there is an emotional attachment that makes it twice as hard.
But thank you both for helping me see the other side again. It makes the load lighter.

Do your share and your share only. For instance, the only person's laundry I do at my house is mine, and my husband's sometimes. I work full-time. I have a life too. I do most of the housework, but I had to start drawing the line somewhere. And one more thing, I only do my husband's laundry if he puts it is the hamper. If he doesn't I throw it in the corner. When he realizes he doesn't have clean clothes, he remembers my boundary. He then does it himself. My kids have been doing their own laundry since they were in Junior High. Also, if I have to do dishes before I cook, I don't cook. It's simple. They know the rules, and if they don't share the load around here, I don't do some of the things they like either. Everyone needs to pull their weight as much as physically possible. I'd just simple tell them what I think is fair, give them a chance to voice and stick to it. But remember, you have to stick to your plan. It sounds like they don't take you serious because you always give in. Good luck

Hey, Roxxie!
I know how you feel. I too live at home with my parents and two younger brothers. I'm nearly 29. But like everyone else has said, we have to learn that we can't change anyone but ourselves. It's hard at first to take care of OUR OWN CHORES AND RESPONSIBILITES when we've taken care of everyone but ourselves for a long time, maybe all our lives. But learning to make boundaries of what you will and will not be responsible for will help. There's a good book I'd recommend to help you understand this better. It's Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No, To Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. You can find it at any Christian bookstore. I hope this helps. God bless.

------------------
Lynn
God is in control.
Footprints quote-"When you only see one pair of footprints in the sand, it was then that I carried you."
Remember you'll never walk alone.