Maybe it's just Monday, I dunno, but I feel a bit wobbly mentally today. It's sometimes so difficult to let go of certain expectations, especially when the same result has been repeated on more than one occassion. For instance, I really want to go back to school and earn a degree to begin a new career. I'm not really sure 'what' I want to do, because well, I'd probably want to do them all! At any rate, I just found something that really interested me and I called up my Mom to share with her. I'm not sure why I expected her to be excited or to act as if she was interested. Doesn't seem as if anything but what she 'thinks' I should pursue is worth a jovial reaction from her. In response to me telling her all she said was, "Hmmmmm..." And then she wonders why I don't want to tell her anything else. Now I know I am probably being a bit childish about it all, and quite frankly I really should just DO whatever it is I want to do an not worry whether or not she finds it acceptable, but I swear, I'm really struggling with that. I can't help it. I want my parent's approval. I want their interest. I guess I need to just accept the fact that it's not ever going to change, I'm going to have to change. It's really irritating as well that she knows I am working through the program and it's as if she's my flippin' coach or something. Not that I don't appreciate her support or whatever you want to call it, in this area. It just seems as if sometimes she's there to take responsibility and 'credit' for 'fixing' me. Lord help me, I don't want to become a 'mini-me mom'.

Why can't I just be an adult here?! Perhaps this 'rant' isn't as productive as I thought it would be.

Frog,

I understand your point about parental interest. My parents have always been detached from anything I've pursued. It's annoying and yet there's not a damn thing one can do to stimulate their interest or support. Their interest only extends to the point of, "Did you get a 100 percent? No? Why not?"

I have a mom who is teh same way. I have called her to share some important moments and successes and she has always acted disinterested and callous. This has made me feel hurt, and abandoned. I have also resented how some parents are so interested and invest so much time nurturing their kids.

However i have realized as i am sure you do...that this is more about our mother than us. Our expectation is reasonable and normal....children..even if they have grown up want their parents approval..and it remains an unmet need , especially if we didn't it as a child. detaching from the situation and realizing that i am spending too much energy brooding over something i cannot change, has helped as lot. I also feel that investing in people and relationships who do treat you beter is the key.

Frawgy,
Nobody on this earth can take credit for you working on a self help program. Only YOU. We need to feel and know that it's our own personal accomplishment. That's not selfish, that's increasing our self esteem. Nobody can "take credit" unless you allow them to.
A self help program is very personal, as is therapy with a doctor or counselor. If you choose to share your triumphs or struggles, that's OK. If not, that's OK too.
You might need to let your mom know this is how you feel. Or, if she's one to overreact, ask her nicely to allow YOU to start any conversation concerning your progress. Try telling her that this is important to you. Let her know that it's hard to explain. ( you just need the privacy of your own thoughts with the program to get the most out of it??) Admit you're not quite sure why it bothers you so much for her to be "coaching" now and then, but it does. Let her know it frustrates you, but for some reason you just need to be the initiator when discussing the program and sometimes you'd prefer not to discuss it at all.
You might be overreacting to her a bit sometimes too. That's OK. Anxiety can do that.
Wow, I just realized how difficult it was for me to put into words any type of explanation as to why we need to start conversations about the program while working on it.
I'm a MOM Frawgy ( my youngest "child" is 19)and I completely understand what you posted. BUT, I've suffered from anxiety , panic attacks and depression and have completed the program. Some of what we think and feel while working on the program might not make any sense to others, no matter how much they love us. That's OK. It will all work out over time and you'll be so much stronger and more peaceful.
Has your mom listened to the "I'll Be there For You" tape?? It's for family and helps to explain what we're going through.
Has your mom completed the program? Just wondering. My guess would be - no.
Hope this helps at least a bit.
Huge hugs to you!!!