I have been through symptoms like everyone else describes as well as experiences: bad childhood,rough and bad family dynamics, a marriage my wife and I have had to work on and numerous traumas I have witness which resulted in dealth. I should have expected that because I was a cardiac therapist for 14 years. Now after panic attacks and depression I resigned my position at the hospital. I have started my own business and money is tighter than when I was 26 and out of school. In my journal tonight I wrote that I have stuck with the home work fairly religiously. I tracked my negative thoughts, very similiar to Dr. David Burns program- except he had 10 cognitive distortions. Anyway, after week 4 I am not feeling any better. I even take lexapro (my 6 rx without relief) and klonopin. I feel powerless over this obsessiveness with the symptoms and can't seem to shake it. Yes I have anything bug me and get me nervous but nothing like the fear of the sensation of fear. I don't feel I have power over anything or control. I am INFP and am always thinking - usually negative. So my question is after four weeks with not much change, am I abnormal? Others sound as if after chapter 4 they start feeling better. Any ideas

Hi losing light,

I'm sorry to hear of your suffering. If you feel free to say, I am wondering what types of thoughts are causing the suffering, or if you think it is thoughts causing it? You mentioned writing down the negative thoughts, but what about finding more compassionate thoughts which you believe to help replace the negative ones? Do you have some? Sometimes it takes a little while to get the pump "primed" and to get into the habit of coming up with loving, compassionate thoughts which help us replace the negative ones. I was wondering how you are doing in this area?

I seriously doubt you are "abnormal", having cared for cardiac patients. After four weeks I was experiencing a little success, but it took me well over 3 years to get where I am now and I'm still not fully recovered. I also didn't work for 7, up until the last 9 months. I would encourage you to hang with the program and keep working it.

Oh, I do think that Dr. Burns' books are excellent and encourage you to continue educating yourself using his books also. By the way, do you have the MWC program? Another question is, have you considered trying Valium or Xanax for the panic and anxiety? Wishing you well in your journey to recovery.

Hi Losing Light,

Thanks for opening up and sharing your thoughts and concerns. I too take Klonopin for anxiety. I tried Lexapro but to no avail. I tried several anti-depressants only to find out that I am one of those rare people who cannot take meds. The Klonopin seemed to help when I needed it. Now my doctor is helping me to wean off the medicine.

It seems to me that you are going through a transition in your life right now, not to mention all of your earlier experiences. That in itself is difficult. Change is always hard. Go easy on yourself. You will make it through.

I too, went through the program and completed it about a month ago. Truly, I did not feel any better until around chapter 8 and above. It brought out the big guns and made me deal with some real issues that I had surpressed for such a long time. Yes, it was uncomfortable, but I made it through.

The thing that I want to emphasize is that I promised my husband and myself, that no matter what I will be faithful and complete the program in its entirety. And I did. I probably would have quit by the 4th chapter, because I was not seeing results as quickly as I needed them.

Please do not be discouraged. You will get through this and get better. This website has helped me immensely and especially the chat rooms. It helps to know that there are other people just like you and I who suffer through panic attacks and anxiety too.

This program is a money back guarantee. You can't go wrong. Keep going on. Be consistent and follow through. You deserve to be well. My prayers are with you.

Michelle

Don and Michelle,
Thank you both. I hear a lot of wisdom and experience in your caring voices. And Don you are right on the money with your question. I can easily find the negative thoughts. However, I can't seem to find the positive very easily. I don't seem to find the time to write down every negative thought so I carry a golf clicker. I am journaling. But I want to feel good and I can't always seem to let go. I personalize the stressers to easily. I feel I don't follow the American Culture rules, even though there are none. What I mean by that is I resigned my position at the hospital and have started my own business. It has been slow but objectively very successfull with the young athletes I work with. Well I feel shame because I am not bringing nearly as much money. I work out of my home (I have a studio inhouse) so when I see others getting up and going to work I feel like a failure and I am scared that what if (your right Michelle) I loose everything. I threw all my education and risk loosing my house because I can't stand up to American Culture Expectations/Rules for a successful life? What if I can't make my bills or afford the cost of sports and other activities for my children. And these thoughts just rip me up. And when my wife goes off to work and the kids to school I help by doing the house work but again can't see anything good in me. So every morning I get up and begin to ruminate about all these thoughts. So I have some retooling todo on my brain. I look forward to talking to you folks again.
Scott

I don't believe it is necessary to write down EVERY negative thought, just the ones which seem to really bother you, the ones that seem to hit you in the morning when you wake up and "rattle" you, or paralyze you making you feel they are true and there is nothing you can do to change the truth. Let me say that usually, if we are having panic or depression, our thinking is distorted. Perhaps you recall Dr. Burns saying the same thing in his book because he does. So, if our thinking is distorted, it is not in touch with reality, the way things really are.

It doesn't mean we are abnormal, it just means we need to learn more about ourselves and these disorders. I understand very well that it is easy to write down the stuff that is bothering us, but hard to come up with loving compassionate thoughts that we believe which will replace the negative ones. But that is much of getting better, learning to love ourselves unconditionally, not based on performance. It's a lot easier to say this than to apply it, but it is what works.

I don't know that I am that good at coming up with good thoughts for myself, but I try and it seems to pay off for me. Sometimes it makes no sense to me why I should let myself off the hook of beating myself up because I feel I deserve punishment for my failures. But, the truth is I don't see you that way or anyone else that way. So why should I treat myself differently than I would treat anyone else? If I'm willing to be unconditionally accepting of others, I need to be the same way for myself.

I probably haven't convinced you to go easy on yourself, but that is what works and you do deserve it. Try and love yourself unconditionally and forgive yourself, the way you would a friend. Try and become your own best friend and maybe parent as well. Sounds like you had a rough childhood. Somebody needs to give this kid a break. If we are willing, why not you?

Hope tomorrow is a good day for you, Scott, and hope your weekend goes well also. Put that stop sign up and try and stop those negative thoughts. And don't beat yourself up if you can't. It's time to go easy on Scott.

Hi Scott,

Thanks again for writing back. I wanted to address the staying at home and working from home. I too, quit my job a while back to stay home and work on my own business. I have to agree. It is extremely difficult to stay home and see my husband go to work and my daughter to school.

I felt useless, worthless and always seemed to be thinking, "What good am I?" But I got through it all, and you will too. Things in life happen for a reason. Sometimes I do not see the entire picture until some time down the road.

I have to trust that I am doing what is best for myself and my family as well. And hey! There is absolutely nothing wrong with helping with the housework. My husband appreciates it and I am sure your family does too. Just remember, you and your family are all on the same team. Help each other.

I have found that it is good for me to get out once or twice a morning during the week to deal with some peers. Even though I still see and circulate with people, it did help me a lot to get out perhaps over breakfast or coffee. Just this week I joined a friend of mine to help volunteer with The American Cancer Society.

Do what is best for you and your family. Take good care of yourself emotionally, spiritually, and physically. All 3 rolled together with balance. Go easy on yourself. Change is always hard, but I know you will succeed.

Hope this helps.

Michelle

you both are awesome! I am going to print off your replies and read them everyday. Things are getting better and I am weaning myself off the Klonopin - this time under medical supervision. I listen to you talk and it feels surreal. It is like I can't believe someone can articulate so perfectly what I am feeling. Wow. I mean I read and I see what the pro's say, but to actually read it from you two is like I said, almost surreal. Thank you for sharing!!! And yes Michelle my wife does love the fact that she comes home to a clean house. I hope I get to talk to you two again.

I enjoyed reading the support in this fourm Good luck to you all!