I wanted to get your feedback if I can, on these two questions that have been on my mind.

Question #1.
If we often expect less, isn't this in itself negative thinking?

Question #2.
Wont high expectations lead to self fulfilling prophecies at least some of the time, if not more?

Thanks!

hi cutufa,
i'd like to answer your questions.

1. expecting less can play a huge part in reducing stress, the key here, is learning how to have realistic expectations, and discard the ones that aren't.

2. i think if you have a high expectation, what you need to do is ask yourself how realistic it is, and then ask yourself how much you want it. If its something attainable, and something that you really want, then i think what you need to do is turn it into a goal.

Hi Cutufa,

I've come to understand goals do not require �expectations�� they are only illusions we attach to goals.



[This message has been edited by Dolphin (edited 11-23-2001).]

Dear Cutufa,

When I started to lower my expectations I didn't consider it negative. I found it very freeing! I stopped expecting so much from myself and others as I thought I had to be perfect,in charge,always right, etc. I expected others to always like me, life to be fair, appreciate what I did and compliment all of my hard work!lol! That's not the real world...Darn Right now I am on my fifth week of a new job and have not recieved one compliment! Oh yes, I still like them however I have learned to compliment myself and not need anyone else's approval. I haven't gotten fired so I guess I'm doing alright!

To answer your second question I would have to say as long as your high expectation is a valid one that is only coming from you, shoot for the stars! It's most likely not going to happen overnight and will take alot of effort and planning. With these skills you can achieve any attainable goal.

Look how far you've already come!
Diane

"Life is the canvas, you are the artist, paint what you wish."-unknown


[This message has been edited by dl (edited 11-30-2001).]

Thank you for your replies. It's really nice to post something here because you always get at least one reply. I got 3!

For the most part my expectations are realistic but I find myself being a bit too pessamistic in efforts to expect less, get more and not be disappointed. However, I'm beginning to expect way too less and need to up my standandars higher then what they are.

Is this a typical experience? Is this the road to recovery?

One day I came across a person whose goal was getting to a land they loved that was encircled by more than a mile wide of water on each side. They described how it took over fifteen years to carefully and patiently craft a boat for crossing the water to their goal. They positively asserted themselves in getting the last year off from work to devote themselves to practicing on dry land in anticipation of this day. Everything about the day seemed perfect and they expected sailing to their goal, but as the boat lowered into the water it keeled completely over onto its side and they were tossed overboard into the waters below. They were grateful the boat didn�t sink and they were able to quickly cross the water to accomplish their goal. Understandably, they had some difficulty accepting being tossed overboard into the eight-inch waters they were simply able to walk through to their goal no longer limited by illusions of any expectations.



[This message has been edited by Dolphin (edited 11-25-2001).]