My epiphany cam during a "discussion" with my father--translation we had an argument. I felt hurt that he doesn't treat me the way I expect a father should. He called me out on it and I realized...I expect my too much of my father. I would love for us to have a different type of relationship. However, he has told me repeatedly things like "I will not change" and "I don't have to listen to you". Now, as cruel as this sounds, I realize he doesn't have to change and he doesn't have to listen. Why should I expect him to be something he's not. And if this is our biggest issue--I am grateful. While watching a program on MSNBC about a man who tried to kill his ex-wife as well as his 2 oldest children; I realize my father lack of emotional availablity is nothing and I will stop expecting anything of him. I'm growing so much and it is exciting !!!

Dear Ladyleo,

I've heard it said that one can know they are "grown up" when they see their parents with all thier faults and still love them...

I remember something Oprah said, "When people tell you who they are- BELIEVE THEM."

I somehome posted before I was ready...the computer and I just don't think alike-I have accepted that.

Another thought - I try to stop expecting things from people who are are incapable of giving me what I expect. I wish it were different at times but how illogical I am when I expect love and understanding from someone who is incapable of giving me that. I give myself permission to seek what I need from someone else but I rest easy in the knowledge that I can give myself what I need. That was one of the greatest lessons the program taught me.

The best to you, Carolyn

Thanks Carolyn.

So true. I have found that the less I expect of people, the more I receive. When I first left home and moved to another city to go to university at the age of 17, I used to expect my parents to call me a lot, like the other students' parents always seemed to do - and they never did. Now, 13 years on, over the passage of time I seem to have dropped my expectations of my parents - and now they are to me the perfect parents. Not because they have changed, but because by dropping my expectations, I see everything that they DO give me and I am grateful for that.