How can I practice having no expectations of others? Does that include at work? Don't I need to have expectations of others since they have responsibilites and duties that need to be completed???? Help!

Blondee -
I deal with having too many expectations of others as well. I think it is ok to have some expectations as long as they are realistic. I tend to rely on others to make me happy at times, and this creates major expectations that are totally unattainable - and when I don't get the reaction, love, support I expect - I get mad! How dumb. But I am beginning to realize when I am doing this and am getting control over it. I still have expectations of others - I'm just learning to make sure they are not unrealistic. Also, I am making a conscious effort to try and fulfill others expectations of me. I think sometimes I tend to dwell so much on what others are NOT doing for ME - that I forget about what I should be doing for others....if that makes any sense?
Hope this has helped a little .
Take Care,
Amy Jo

Blondie,
I think we all have expectations, not only of others but ourselves, however, if you we put our expectations to high, we are going to be either hurt, disappointed or disenchanted. Expectations have to be realistic, and sometimes there are others including ourselves that cannot live up to someone elses expectations. My advice would be to be realistic about what you expect regardless who the person is, and if they arent capable of what you expect, understand that, and dont obsess about it. Take care Nelly

Blondee, Amy Jo, Mello Nello:

I understand expectations and relate to them. This time of the year means holidays, stress, major expectations and demands for me.

My husband and I decided three years ago to makes some positive changes. We started a whole new tradition for ourselves and make reservations a year in advance. The seven days we spend away on the coast have been very healthy for us.

In the past, we were pressured to live up to the expectations of family that were unrealistic as Mello Nello mentioned. I have heard others say they would LOVE to be able to do the same...but feel too guilty. Instead they continue building up their anxiety and stress to please others.

It took us 7 years to realize that the situation was not going to change and the pressure as well as demands would trigger anxiety in myself. This would kick in prior to the 5 hour trip to the destination for 3-4 days.

I suppose the result of this has been complete closure in the family. But realistically, it was the best decision for our well being. The holidays are 'supposed' to be shared with family and we struggle with the feelings of not fitting in with the rest of the world. That probably sounds like an exaggeration, but it FEELS like we are in the minority.

Do the holidays trigger stress with anyone else or is it just me?

Pooh36

I agree with Nelly. I don't think it is a matter of having no expectations as much as having realistic expectations. And it IS hard. The holidays are very stressful and seem to add to the expectations. I shopped really early this year to avoid some of the hustle and bustle. It did help me.

Pooh, we made a decision about 10 years ago not to visit family for the holidays. They all live on the East Coast and the travel was too expensive and too stressful. It was the best decision we ever made. The immediate family was okay with the decision - even saying we needed to make our own holiday traditions for our little family (me, my husband and the cat). The extended family put a little bit of pressure on us, but I recognized that we weren't really able to spend time with them when we were there so their pressure was kind of silly. And none of them have made the effort to visit us. I think we do get wrapped up in what society/ families say "should" happen during the holidays. I think it is important to set our own traditions. For me, having our own plans helps me enjoy the holidays and we visit family when we can truly enjoy the visit.

I'm doing lesson 4 for the second time on the online program, and I noticed by reading what I typed before when I was doing my own program, that I've learned a lot from lesson 4 and like it's been mentioned here, you need to be realistic(the key word) Take care all! Elisa

rica516 and Elisa: We too were getting pressure from the family until we changed our number and left it unlisted. I find it amazing the techniques used in the 'guilt' area. Elisa, I will have to go back over Lesson 4 I think and thanks! Pooh36

(By the way, if this doesn't turn out, it is me trying to change the font color for the first time) =)