This is one area that I belive it is OK to have certain expectations.

I have been seeing the same therapist for about 2.5 years. After a while, I started becoming very bothered by her allowing constant interruptions during our sessions. She shares her office with another therapist and they don't have a receptionsist to answer phones, only an answering machine.

Many times during our sessions, she would interrupt to answer to answer the phone, apologizing the whole time that she just had to take the call. Some times she would take 2 more calls during a sessions.

Other times, she would not start our appointments on time because the person before me was late for their appointment. Shouldn't that person's appointment time be adjusted so that she isn't late for her next appointment? I think so.

Then, there's was the time she completely forget about an appointment we had and showed up late, or I had my appointment time correct with the card to prove it and she had me booked wrong in her book.

I told her enough was enough last year and stopped seeing her. Well, about 4 months later she called me wanting to know how I was and I finally had the courage to tell her why I stopped seeing her. She apolgized and told me I should have told her how I felt a long time ago, (but there's that fear of confrontation again), and we talked and I decided to resume my sessions with her.

Well, it's happened again. This time, she told me I had my appointment time wrong (had the card again to prove it) and then went to her book and saw I was right. Now every time I go, she eats her lunch, munching down a tuna sandwich, during our sessions, telling me how sorry she is but that she is booked solid all day and has no time to eat. The final straw was two weeks ago when she was having a problem with her car and the garage never came out to pick it up and three times she interruped our session to call the mechanic to find out why he didn't come out to get her car.

Today I was to see her again, but I didn't go, just called and left a message on her AM that I would not be coming back and that a check would be in the mail to her today. I don't feel that I should have to explain this to her again because she is one of those "I'm never wrong" perons, and now she has tried to call me several times this afternoon and I just want her to go away and not bother me anymore.

I've made my decison, so why does she keep trying to call me.

She won my confidence back once before, but that's not going to happen again.

I've had it,
Calico

She keeps calling you for several reasons:

1. She has lost all her other patients because of her unprofessionalism and is desperate to build up her appointment book again.

2. She has real "guilt" issues and should see a fellow therapist about it.

3. This is her sick way of teaching you the art of distraction.

4. She has an eating disorder.

5. She really suffers from anxiety too and has to stay really busy during a scheduled appointment.

6. The one I'm willing to bet my dollar on....she has a car payment due soon.

Don't you see that you are already healthier than she is on this topic. Save your money and go buy yourself a great pair of shoes.

I would pick up the phone and just tell her you are through..it would be a good learning experience for you. Tell her you are unsatified with the counseling, period..GOOD-BYE. You don't have to explain yourself..a few simple words and ADIOIS!

Calico (Jen),

I am so sorry you had this happen. This is why counselors and therapists have to work so hard to gain a solid reputation! This person was not only rude and inconsiderate, but also unethical. Unfortunately, many people have experiences like this in counseling and it turns them off to it forever! A good counselor would NEVER interrupt a session to answer the phone or make a phone call. Also, it is highly unethical for a counselor to let one session go over and sacrifice the next person's time to make it up. In addition, eating during a session is unprofessional! Not only does it prove to you that she is not listening, it also says that her needs are more important than yours. If your counselor behaves like this with every client, she is lucky to have any at all! The counselor's job is to be there for the client for EACH session and for the WHOLE session time! A good counselor knows how to manage time and tasks in order to be there physically, mentally, and emotionally for the client during each and every session. If your counselor finds that she needs to eat and make phone calls during sessions, then it is time to lighten her load! You have every right to be upset, angry, and disappointed. You are NOT there to meet the counselor's needs, she is there to meet yours!

This issue is very personal for me because I am going to graduate school to be a counselor! It seems that there are many counselors out there who have sloppy and unethical practices and I am horrified each time I hear of a situation like this! As a future counselor, it literally makes my blood boil. This person is going to make it twice as hard for me to prove myself trustworthy to clients.

Please feel free to email me if you want to discuss this further! I would also like to ask your permission to show this post to my Counseling Processes class. It would make an excellent discussion topic and we might be able to brainstorm some ways to find a better counselor. Please email me or reply back to the post as I will not print or show your message until I have received your permission! Thank you!
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Jen

Jen, I have just sent you an email granting you permission to show my post to your class, with an attachement. Thank you again for your support. Calico (Jen)

Thank you all for your upbeat and humorous replies. It means a lot. The reason I went back to this counselor is because I had invested so much time with her. She knew my situation, my history so well, and I just didn't want to start over with someone else with all that basic stuff. Live and learn, right?

Calico

Hi Calico,

If you ever were to go back to that �therapist� consider bringing an ironing board and ironing your clothes during the session. At least you�d be sure to get some things ironed out.

At least your �therapist� stayed awake. I once saw a �licensed psychologist� that specialized in hypnosis. He would close his eyes during the sessions. I just assumed he was role modeling how to relax anywhere with self-hypnosis, until he started snoring loudly and I had to wake him up. His secretary was his wife, and she didn�t seem surprised when I mentioned this to her. Obviously it wasn�t the first time she�d heard of this happening with him. He too played all sorts of mind games to sell me on continuing, but I assertively held my ground and never looked back.

You�re getting stronger than you may think Calico. Next time you roll the dice I bet you will trust your self enough to leave a situation like this after the second visit, not the second year.

Calico,

Wow, and I thought my therapist was unprofessional! I know what you mean about starting over with a therapist - what a pain. I agree with Maggie May, pick up the phone, tell her that you are unsatisfied with the counseling - period! Everyone else has had such great responses. I don't think that there is much I can add except that I admire how strong you are and hope that I will have your kind of "nerve" someday soon!

God bless,

Wendy

Hi Calico, When i was first reading this post i was sitting here saying aloud "Oh, for God sakes! This therapist is a joke!!" on and on, swearing to myself. I've been working as a therapist, on and off, for several years now and during that hour (or more) the phone is turned off, i make sure there are NO disturbances ~ this is a 'sacred time'!! And then, as i read on i began to laugh so hard!! Honor's post, then Dolphin's...so hilarious! Yeah, why not ~ ironing and eating and talking on the phone, and THEN, you pay her!!! How crazy would that be?? Anyway, you left her and that's terrific. Honestly, i would not have paid her a penny for the sessions she spent time on the phone! There really ARE excellent therapists around, and yes....there are many who give the rest of us a bad name. Calico, you done good!!! (that's just a silly way of talking, i know it isn't correct English!) luv and hugs, Lindi

Hi Lindi - Thanks for your reply. Well, it's all water under the bridge now. I fired her last week. Firing her is a big step in assertiveness for me. I am not used to speaking up for myself and have let people kind of walk all over me for a good part of my life - so I was being passive while all of this was going on, even afraid to speak up for myself with this therapist. I had also invested so much time - she knew me so well - it's not like she didn't help me at all, because she did, but I could no longer put up with this nonsense - and that is why I am so proud of myself. I finally realized how I deserved better and that I didn't have to put up with her unprofessionalism. I guess I took a little slack on this thread for staying with her for so long but some have to remember that anxious types tend not to be assertive and confrontational - at least I finally did realize I deserved better and had the nerve to fire her - yes, It took me quite a while to learn this lesson, BUT I learned it and that's what matters in the end- I am getting stronger by the day.

Living and learning,
Calico

Calico,
They only poked fun at you because they love you so much. It does take guts for us to admit things on here, we all have things that we could poke fun at about ourselves. I do it all the time. It is nice when we come to a place that we see our improvement, like you knowing that it was time to move on. You did great! Keep it up! Reena

Congratulations Calico ! ! ! ! !

Hi Calico, I hope you didn't think that i didn't understand HOW HARD IT CAN BE to stand up for ourselves and say what we need to!! I truly DO understand that one! I am right behind you, cheering for your victory!!! The harder it is to do these things, the more credit you deserve, and i'm PROUD OF YOU!!!! There are several areas in my life, where i am STILL putting off saying exactly how i feel! So, here's look'n at you kid!! love Lindi

Aww - Gee - Shucks, Guys - thanks a lot!!!

Hugs,
Calico

Oh Calico Sweetie,
We weren't poking fun at You. We were having a field day with the therapist. I can't get over how brave you were in ending that relationship! One of these days I'm going to visit the doctor who performed the shock treatments on me and give him "another" piece of my mind. If he only knew how "well" I become from 15 little cassette tapes instead of 1500 volts.