I wanted to share with everyone my experience so far with this lesson. Like most people (if not all) going through this program, my expectations of myself and other people were ridiculously high. Last night when some people were over I asked a question to my fiance at the same time as someone else and he answered them and not me. Before this program, I would have gone off the deep end about this. But I caught myself! I always expect everyone around me to answer immediately to something I say, because I always try to be courteous and respond so people don't feel ignored. I just said to myself "Ok, maybe he didn't hear me. It's not that big of deal" then got on with my night. A little while after that one of our guests said "sure whatever" to something I said, and again in the past I would have been furious and wouldn't speak to that person for a week. When I heard him say that I started to feel the anger brewing because I thought it was rude to respond like that, but I said to myself "So what if he said that? Not everyone can meet up to my expectations of politeness anyhow so why get all bent out of shape." In the end, I let go of these things and had a good fun night! To me this is real progress, because these things would have ruined my night, and possibly my week before I started the program.

[This message has been edited by Girl (edited 03-25-2002).]

That's awesome! Good for you, I am glad to see that you are recognizing your own progress. Give yourself a huge pat on the back. You deserve it! You go, Girl!
Take Care

Awesome, Girl! Way to goo! I am proud of you too!!! You are on your way. Reena

EXCELLENT JOB GIRL!!!

Way to go!Under-reacting to certain situations is more power to you.Others maybe rude that's their problem and you don't have to make it yours and you didn't.You're on your way!That was good progress.Take care.

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Tim

Thanks everyone. It is so awesome to be supported even for the little accomplishments. I appreciate your posts!

Doesn't it feel powerful to not overreact to a situation, blow it way out of proportion and ruin your whole night? Doesn't it make you proud of yourself to know you didn't let these little things affect you that you cannot control? Well I am proud of you. I am working on this lesson as well. Not doing too great a job I may add. I have high expectations of myself and others. I am feeling anxious this week because I am expecting myself to get pregnant this month after having 3 miscarriages last year. I have a schedule to meet and don't want to wait to start trying. But I am not really feeling ready to take it on again. I am not meeting up to my expectations. And it is bothering me tremendously. I have to accept that I may not be ready for this yet and need more time to heal and that is OK. Thanks for reminding me what this lesson is about.

I did however have one good moment. My husband always starts complaining and commenting about negative things around dinner time - he gets cranky! And usually it makes me so mad and than I have to chime in with comments that escalate the situation. I decided not to and guess what? He just stopped complaining and we had a nice night!

Hey Girl!

I would like to suggest a really good (short) book that might bring some insight to you and what you expect of other people: The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz. I liked the book so much and I learned so much from it I use the four agreements in my signature as a reminder for me to see everyday.

It is a very small, short, and fast reading book I heard about on Oprah once.

Also, think how judgemental you are being towards others when you make the rules as to what is polite and what isn't.

For me, I know that if you expect an answer so quickly that could bring on anxiety for me. I would like to think before I speak, especially in a party like atmosphere when I can be a bit anxious to begin with.

Anyway, consider the book. Maybe you library has it.

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Don't take anything personally.
Always be impecable with your word.
Don't assume anything.
Always do your best!

Rise - way to go on not giving into your husband's negativity! That's tough to do because we are so affected by our loved ones, but you chose not to respond negatively! Congrats on that. Here's a suggestion about trying to get pregnant: don't expect to get pregnant each month and you won't get anxious about it, and that could result in getting pregnant more easily. It's important to have fun trying to get pregnant too. Have you talked to your doc about possible fertility treatment? I am just throwing out ideas since I don't know a whole lot about getting pregnant. Good luck!

Betsy - I put that book in my "books to buy" section. Right now I'm still trying to get through "Hope and Help for Your Nerves" and it's taking a while. Thanks for the tip on the book. I realize it's judgemental to make rules for how polite people should be, and believe me I'm working on that. Lowering my expectations was a huge step so hopefully I can find an area where I can accept people as they are and not expect them to be like me and not let people walk all over me with rudeness. Uh oh, now I've just confused myself. If someone calls me a stupid b*tch, what is one to do? I don't expect all people to be polite, but I also don't have to take verbal abuse do I. ARG! It was clear for a bit, now I'm confused! lol! Err, help.