I just finished the program and there are a lot of the lessons I didn't quite understand yet. I'm still having a hard time trying to understand me and finding that happy median. I guess one of the problems is my self esteem is still low. I have been raising my kids so long by myself with all the responsibility that comes along and I forgot who I am. I don't seem to enjoy or know how to enjoy myself. I'm serious all the time. My daughter is 18 and I had problems with her since she was 14. She never seem to want to see me happy and have a life. When I tried to start over ( I remarried and had a son now 5 yrs old), I feel she somehow sabotage it. I'm separated in the process of divorce. My husband also had a role in it. I always did everything I could to offer her and my family the best I could. I feel she always resented me for packing up and leaving her father and in which he never helped in supporting her. He moved on with his life quite some time ago and she accepted it. She feels I'm trying to control her life and she has on many occasions disrespected me. I have always saved her when she got into situations and needed my help. Now that she packed her things and left my house I feel so awful. At times I wanted her to go and stay with her father so she could see that the grass is not always so greener on the other side, and now that she finally did it I can't help but to feel hurt and betrayed. Especially how she did it.

Now, I have 2 pending court cases - the child support for her that's been going on for 5 years and the soon to be divorce. I keep obsessiving and worrying. I don't know how to stop and let it go.

When i reveal to the father for the 5 yr old that I think i have this anxiety problem and that i think i had this for many years he seem to be supportive. I believe he only acted this way because he saw a vunerability in me and thought this would be a way to get back together. As soon as I told him i ordered the program i haven't heard from him since.

That spacey feeling seems to be returning, but I can say I'm not afraid of it. I just have a hard time worrying about how my daughter feels about me and how to move forward. I can't clear my mind from the thoughts.

Can anyone help.....

Hello. I don't really have any advice because I'm fairly new to the program as well and I'm learning but I just wanted you to know that I read your post here and I do care. My son is 19 and I raised him myself. He's been a tough teenager and I've tried everything I could with him to help him. Just recently, I had to do something that broke my heart and had to ask him to leave. It got to where things were so out of control and I really didn't have a choice. I cried for days over him and was so out of whack myself too from all the stress. Sometimes in life, some people don't and won't learn from being helped. Some people just have to learn the hard way. It hurts to watch them go through this as a mom but we have to let them learn. Keep hope that one day she will grow up and see who you really are and come back to you in love. This was the first year my son remembered me on Mother's day. So there is hope.
You have a lot of reasons to be so stressed out which causes the anxiety. Even people without this disorder would probably have it with all your going through right now. I know it's hard but just keep trying and putting the possitives into your mind. I really don't know what else to say. Wish I could help.

JulesDavis,

You have helped me tremendously because you know. We always seem to think that we are the only ones to experience difficult situations until someone like yourself comes along and let you know you're not alone. It is hard not knowing how your children feel about you and knowing that you love and miss them very much. Thank you so much for caring. Sometimes it takes someone you don't know to let you feel that someone does understand and care. Thank you.

I suggest you write your daughter a letter, and tell her exactly how you feel, etc.. try to explain things from YOUR side of the coin. Maybe she will better understand. Writing letters can be very theraputic, and the cool thing is they cannot be interrupted. Even more than helpming your daughter understand, I think it will help YOU even more ! Best wishes !

Becbeliever,

You might just be right. Thank you for your suggestion.

IM SORRY YOUR HAVING A HARD TIME. MAYBE JUST GO OVER THE LESSONS YOUR HAVING A HARD TIME WITH.
AND JUST TAKE YOUR TIME.

thank you jonathan