All day long I expect myself to be happy and then torture myself by saying that I'm not. My emotions are very strong and they keep me bound up. I don't know how to enjoy anything because I keep saying that I'm not enjoying it. Why can't I just let go and feel what I feel? Why can't I relax? Why can't I just stop trying so dang hard to be happy and just live?

IMO, you are expecting to be happy. You also said you are trying SO dang hard. I tried too hard as well to find happiness, worked at it, tried different things, looked in different places. I realized that I cannot be so involved in trying to get or find happiness because that is control and when we control or try, it takes alot of effort, we see that we really cannot control and make things happen all the time to make that happiness happen. I saw that when I accepted what is, what came to me, find some silk in a sows ear and just lived I started to expereince peace and happiness like I have never experienced. I let go of expecting and trying and getting frustrated in finding happiness and allow it to come to me.

If you were to ask me 14 weeks ago what did I really want most of all. My answer was the same as yours--Happiness. I felt that it was lost somewhere along the way while striving to be the best. As we work the Program we can learn to relax, to laugh and be in the moment again. The result we are striving for, right?.

Thanks for the feedback. I have noticed in the past that when I don't try so hard, I feel better. Maybe happy is a bad description. My emotions really weren't that "good." I just had a peace about things. I guess it's like panic. I start to feel bad and then I think I have to work at it.

Kj,
How bout just being "Content"?
Happiness is awesome, but Happiness isnt always 100% there all the time... Being content in the Moment is so much better!!! You dont have to continually beat yourself up cause your expectations dont seem to be there...
We all get spurts of happiness, and wish we could just hold on to them forever, I know I did. But realistically,, i realized i was expecting wayyyyyyy to much... But, being content in the NOW,, gives me so much more Peace take care Nelly