I recently responded to someone's homework for lesson 4 and hope that it is helpful to you. My responses are in quotation marks.
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Carolyn

It was interesting to speak to you. First negative statement. I don't retain much so I should have recorded the conversation. "I did what I thought was best at the time. If I choose to do differently at another time that is fine. It's no big deal. All that I need to do is in my program. My history tells me that I am a good student and I have the ability to learn new ways of being/thinking. I retain what I need and review the rest. I am a great problem solver." one small example of lesson 3 "

Here are chapter 4 homework answers minus the questions.

I should sleep better "I will make this into a goal-What can I do today to make this happen?
I should be able to think and process better and faster. I can only do what I can do-my best and I will remember that is good enough."

I should be able to remember more of what I read."Is there something I can do to help myself, take notes, review...? I am becoming more Action oriented."

They are all my shoulds. "you are sure no one "taught" you that these were things you needed to be better at? Father/Mother...? I cannot cross any out at this time. They are only realistic if I sleep better and recharge my brain; a brain used to being slow.I would cross all but the sleep one out and I would change that to a goal rather than a "should.""

(wife) should spend more wisely since my employer took away my retirement. We need to save more. "Working together as a team means that we need to sit down and work out a budget. Perhaps I don't know what Sandy Really needs for the family? I will learn-I will go grocery shopping with her, etc. I will share with her what I think we should be saving monthly and listen to her ideas also. It might be fun to figure out ways to save money. It might help if I compliment her on the things she is already doing to keep costs down. Again-you have no control over other people's behavior and decisions...it may seem reasonable, rational, and realistic to you-but if you have no control of others behaviors/cooperation etc...then "shoulding" just causes stress and anxiety. You can only control yourself and your actions."

Wife should keep a less cluttered house so that I can help her clean. "[I don't understand this one-if she has time to de-clutter the things that you see as cluttered {which may not see to be clutter in her eyes} what is it you'd be helping with?]"

(daughter) should help more around the house. She is 28. "What specifically do you feel is Reasonable for her to do? What is she contributing financially? Have you and your wife told her what you expect of her? This one seems very reasonable, however, we have no real control over compliance-we can only give her two choices: do xyz or move our...are you willing to take that step?"

Daughter and Wife should exercise more. "Not your call it's up to them you have no control over this.
They seem realistic to me. But in light of what you've learned in lesson 4 ARE they realistic?"

I deserve an orderly home. Less stress. "You will need to make it happen if someone is not willing to MAKE these things one of Their "shoulds.""

I deserve to enjoy the precious present moment. "MAKE it happen...just because we "deserve" ppm's doesn't mean we know how to do that-but we can learn how. Read the book, MAN'S SEARCH FOR MEANING, by Victor Frankel. He learned to be present to the precious present moment even in a prison camp...he credits that for his survival. "

I feel I have these coming to me: My retirement back; a deal is a deal. The money I lost in the stock market due to shister brokers and my sleepy brain. I deserve the good nights sleep so that I can compete in this world. "Good luck with these to rale against something that you have no control over destroys your peace of mind. 'It' Happened!...it's Done...let go. Work from where you are. Peace of mind is worth more than any money."

If I slept well, I would be a better person. "This is probably true, but I've been told the good fairy of sleep doesn't exist so you will have to make this happen. Have you spoken to your doctor about this? Have you read the article I wrote at the end of lesson 3 and done each and EVERY thing I've outlined in that article?"

The program makes sense. I failed the first time through and so far the second time is not better. "You did NOT fail. You just are not done yet! Your expectations of yourself are pretty out there. It takes more than 15 weeks to change a life time of ineffective behavior...yes?"

Negative:
Positive:
How can I love a person like me?
I don't know. "Why am I so resistant to self appreciation? It makes me sad to think like this and I am going to change. The fact that I want to change and have plunked money down to learn how makes me loveable. The fact that I care makes me loveable." If you are spiritual, "God loves me and by saying I don't love myself I am countering God...I will look up the two great commandments stated by Jesus...I will commit them to memory. I will recite them each morning. I am a good and worthy person."

You forgot your hat again you stupid blank! "So, I forgot my hat...bit hairy deal. {small joke here "hairy deal"should make you smile-which in turn will change your brain chemistry and therefore change your mood/feelings} I will leave it in the car from now on. Everyone forgets things, each and every day, I am human. What makes me think I should be better than my fellow man? I am a good and worthy person."

Just stay in the present moment and you will not be so forgetful. "I give myself good advice. I like that about me. Present moment thinking is a wonderful habit to cultivate...I will work on that. I am a great student."

I can't think about teaching tonight; I'm already super anxious. "I've taught before when I am anxious. I know that it passes. I can do my job in spite of stress...I am good at helping others."

I can't do my financial planning I am so anxious. "Perhaps I need a break tonight...nothing wrong with a recess. I need to play. I need a break and I am taking it. The planning will wait for another evening. I take good care of myself."
Then get up and do something else.

I'm stuck I cannot move. "I feel stuck-which doesn't mean I am. I will make a list of things that seem to be overwhelming to me right now. I will then make a list of action steps I can take. I accept that I can't fix everything today...I realistically accept that sorting all this out may mean that I need to consult others and take some advice. I want Peace of mind and I am worth pursuing that - no matter what it takes. I am a good and worthy person."


Sit down and plan my goals? I can't even plan the next 5 minutes. "I feel frustrated. I also know that none of us is in control of very much...we can plan but often life is more about plan B than anything else...that is the essence of life for everyone. My job right now is to write down a plan that will unravel the parts of my life that seem overwhelming, to ask for help in resolving and planning a way to peace. I am worth it!"


Every time I hear the market report on the radio I get angry because I don't have the cognitive ability to participate, "My anger is not productive so I choose to do something else. I will learn what I need to learn. I will do my best...that's all I can do. Beating myself up is a total waste of my time and energy. I am learning the lesson of "NEXT." I am proud of myself for doing this homework and sharing it. It will take effort to lower my expectations of myself and others-but I am smart enough to know when something isn't working, I need to move on to a different way of doing things. NEXT! I am a good student of life."
Practice.

"One of the wonderful functions of this website is that we learn from each other-be the best student you can be. Carolyn"