I've read a few other topics that are more or less similar to what I'm thinking...but I figured I'd just write to share with you all.

I am finishing session 4 now, and I've been getting through each slower than recommended and I'm trying to not "slack off"...regardless, I had a rough day on Saturday. I am getting - or was, I guess - discouraged by the amount of anxiety I'm experiencing lately. Especially since the start of session 3 a few weeks ago.

I know most people here have agreed that facing your anxiety head on as this program does creates and induces more anxiety & panic. That makes me nervous and discouraged (while at the same time, I intellectually know that it's "good" and that of COURSE I will feel more because I'm thinking about it all the time).

Anyway, I went to dinner with a friend after a difficult afternoon and did not get much support when I told her that I began to have some panic at that moment. I remembered not to "run" or say that we had to leave that moment. I talked myself into just relaxing and finishing what of my dinner I could (when I get panicky, I lose my appetite). My stomach got all irritated. She seemed to pick up & go on with the conversation about herself, when I felt like she could've just had offered some words of "do you want to talk about it?" or something, I don't know. I guess someone who is such a close friend should feel like support in just being there, but I felt like I couldn't depend on her in that moment. I told her today that I was disappointed and I kind of needed someone to be there...yet now I wonder if it was just me that had the issue & she did nothing wrong? Who knows.

In any case, I'm babbling, but my point that I really wanted to share was that I was feeling down & that the program wasn't/won't work for me, but I think I've strengthened a bit of resolve since late Saturday night. I had a conversation with my mom about my fears & issues and she did really well in helping me talk myself out of that.

One main problem I'm having is the obsessive thought track - I mean, I just can't stop thinking - Is that expectation too much? Am I being negative right now? It's like I don't give myself the opportunity to catch these thoughts naturally in action or something...Does that make sense? AHHH!

I really want to (pardon me) KICK ANXIETY'S ASS, so I know I'm not giving up. I do think I may start going back to counseling so that I have a live person to bounce this off of (in a neutral way).

Any comments or thoughts are truly appreciated! Best to you all!

HI Lulubell-
I had the same experience with one of my closest friends. It hurt me to feel that she didnt care. I think that she does care but doesnt know how to react to it. Maybe your friend thought that not talking about it might help you get your mind off of it. Do you have another friend who may be more understanding? I want to kick this anxiety in the butt as well! It's annoying and intruding in my life. We will do this!!!
I think that you should definitely see a therapist about this. A live person does help ALOT. I am thankful every day for mine.
Hope this helps.
ps. I also have good and bad days. Its ups and downs...

Dear Lulubelle,

I read your post and could certainly identify because I have very few people I feel I can talk to. My friends seem so happy and well adjusted and I do not want to be a "downer" or they react thet way your friend did if I try to say something about my true feelings. I know how much this hurts. Your mom sounds like a good support and that is wonderful. Hopefully your friend will reflect on how she responded. Is she close enough you could tell her how she made you feel? I do not have any friends that close which makes things hard, but since you expressed how close you are it might help to talk about it with her.

magm

This message has been edited. Last edited by: magm,

thanks to both of you.

Dear Lulubell,
although I live on the other side of the planet, I can totally relate!! Oh dear, I know what you go through. I have been in that situation so often...
First, I had to learn that there are many people who can´t handle the situation when we get anxiety attacks. They simply don´t know what´s going on with you and don´t know how to react. You can recognize that when they ask you "... but what are you afraid of??" They try to convince you "that there´s nothing to be afraid of" (hahaha!! totally new to me!!) or try to distract you by starting another subject. That mostly made me feel even worse, not taken serious, I felt like an alien on the wrong planet.... but it´s only their helplessness, you know.

Today I don´t expect people to be sensitive or know how to react. I tell them about my anxiety when I feel well, explain what´s going on with me then (they don´t have to emphazise with you, you probably won´t be able to relate to someone who has another disorder or illness, and that´s okay). Then tell them what they could do or say to help you when anxiety attacks you. Thus they can "do" something and won´t pull you down by doing the wrong things.

Also, I had to learn to choose carefully who to talk about anxiety, not because we have to be ashamed, but because we can get on other´s people´s nerves, it also scares others. Today I try to cope with my anxiety (with the help of God) instead of calling someone, you know. I used to do that when I was convinced only talking to another person woudl keep me from going insane. But I learned that I can´t always put that burden on others.

The only person left who couldn´t "escape" me and also could relate to my anxiety was my Mum. She used to have panic attacks, too, when she was in her thirties.
Today she has cancer and I try not to bother her so often.

Another thing I want to point out: I know these racing thoughts very well, too, my "favourite" thought is the fear of going insane or this irritating feeling of confusion.
I realized that I feel like that mainly when I´m exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed, when too many things happened that put me under pressure or annoyed me ect. I try to see it as a sign that my brain has some kind of overload, that I need some time out, and it will pass.

When I´m relaxed and together with nice people I mostly feel normal and that´s proof that I still haven´t lost my sanity, I can still function, you know. I don´t have Lucinda´s program, but I read her book in German, and the chapter about this subject is always encouraging for me...