I have a question and have no clue where to post it. I have posted once or twice here and am about halfway (+/-...I keep repeating this lesson!) through the program. I have struggled with my weight for most of my life and have both lost and gained great amounts of weight. Right now I need to lose about 60 pounds. How do I balance this expectation lesson with dieting and eating healthfully? I know that I eat much like an alcoholic uses alcohol...as a self-medication kind of deal. How do I gain control of my eating without placing such high expectations on myself that I eventually give up and binge? Does this make sense to anyone? I have recently been in a program that requires no white flour products or refined sugar. The benefits to this were great, but difficult...eventually I messed up and basically gave up. I know that the exercise is a key component to my emotional as well as physical well-bring, but when I am eating badly, I find it difficult to get to the gym. I hate writing this and sounding like a whiner, but was wondering if others had struggled with this or if the staff had any suggestions for me. Thanks in advance.

Jennifer

Hi Jen, Yes, i have struggled with this and you are NOT a whiner!! I struggled with this many years ago and i know everything there is to know about eating disorders. If you can't live up to your 'expectations' or 'diet successfully', it is NOT because you are weak or defective! It's no wonder you are wondering how to fit in the expectation-thing with healthy food,etc.... It sounds to me like you ALREADY KNOW that you have something comparable to an alcoholic....that you've kind of 'crossed a line', and in THAT case, it is NOT a matter of sheer 'will power'. It IS the same type of things as Alcoholism, and someone who does not have this problem to such a degree cannot understand it. It has nothing to do with strength of character. I had an eating disorder most of my life...gaining and losing weight all the time. The bingeing was phenomenal and could last for months and months, and then dieting would last perhaps 3 months at best. In 1982 someone i met (a woman who is a psychologist) took me to an O.A. meeting (that stands for Overeaters Anonymous, which is a very 'polite' way of saying it: what some of us can do with food!!!) and at first i wondered where the hell i was! I was kind of cocky and this was long ago. If i hadn't discovered that twelve-step program (based on A.A.) i can't imagine what would have happened. I had lost whatever previous control i'd had over this bingeing thing. I cannot explain what that program offers right here, but you ALREADY know that this is an Emotional problem and that food, in this case, is used as a drug. There is an underlying and consistent 'spiritual' element in this program (NOT religious) which you can include or omit. Somebody else (a woman) on this Forum was upset about the exact same thing as you are, and i told her about O.A. She recently wrote me to say thank you, and that she felt it was like a God-send, cause nothing she had tried had ever helped before. So, this is my one and only suggestion. If you want to give it a try, i would suggest that you go to an 'Open Meeting'....that means a 'Speaker Meeting'. Try going to several. Later on, you can attend what is called 'Step Studies', which are based on the A.A. literature. You can find Overeaters Anonymous in your telephone book, i'm sure. Let me know what you decide. This is DEFINATELY something you can stop doing...using food for your emotions. I've worked as an Addiction Counsellor and have recently led a group for women who were coming off addictions to everything under the sun! The 12 step program was what we were using. I don't binge anymore and i don't 'use' food for my feelings. I don't diet and i eat whatever i want, except for those particular foods which create that complusion. NOBODY can TELL you what to eat or not eat...only you know what 'sets you off'. I can see how these two programs (12 step and Midwest) can work beautifully together. As for an eating disorder, that would need special attention and the rules for 'normal' eaters don't apply so readily. I truly hope that you feel you've been understood and again, you're not whining,,,you've just been confused as to how to apply all of this! I hope you consider it and do what feels right for you. love....Lindi

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Linda

quote:

Originally posted by Lindi:
Hi Jen, Yes, i have struggled with this and you are NOT a whiner!! I struggled with this many years ago and i know everything there is to know about eating disorders. If you can't live up to your 'expectations' or 'diet successfully', it is NOT because you are weak or defective! It's no wonder you are wondering how to fit in the expectation-thing with healthy food,etc.... It sounds to me like you ALREADY KNOW that you have something comparable to an alcoholic....that you've kind of 'crossed a line', and in THAT case, it is NOT a matter of sheer 'will power'. It IS the same type of things as Alcoholism, and someone who does not have this problem to such a degree cannot understand it. It has nothing to do with strength of character. I had an eating disorder most of my life...gaining and losing weight all the time. The bingeing was phenomenal and could last for months and months, and then dieting would last perhaps 3 months at best. In 1982 someone i met (a woman who is a psychologist) took me to an O.A. meeting (that stands for Overeaters Anonymous, which is a very 'polite' way of saying it: what some of us can do with food!!!) and at first i wondered where the hell i was! I was kind of cocky and this was long ago. If i hadn't discovered that twelve-step program (based on A.A.) i can't imagine what would have happened. I had lost whatever previous control i'd had over this bingeing thing. I cannot explain what that program offers right here, but you ALREADY know that this is an Emotional problem and that food, in this case, is used as a drug. There is an underlying and consistent 'spiritual' element in this program (NOT religious) which you can include or omit. Somebody else (a woman) on this Forum was upset about the exact same thing as you are, and i told her about O.A. She recently wrote me to say thank you, and that she felt it was like a God-send, cause nothing she had tried had ever helped before. So, this is my one and only suggestion. If you want to give it a try, i would suggest that you go to an 'Open Meeting'....that means a 'Speaker Meeting'. Try going to several. Later on, you can attend what is called 'Step Studies', which are based on the A.A. literature. You can find Overeaters Anonymous in your telephone book, i'm sure. Let me know what you decide. This is DEFINATELY something you can stop doing...using food for your emotions. I've worked as an Addiction Counsellor and have recently led a group for women who were coming off addictions to everything under the sun! The 12 step program was what we were using. I don't binge anymore and i don't 'use' food for my feelings. I don't diet and i eat whatever i want, except for those particular foods which create that complusion. NOBODY can TELL you what to eat or not eat...only you know what 'sets you off'. I can see how these two programs (12 step and Midwest) can work beautifully together. As for an eating disorder, that would need special attention and the rules for 'normal' eaters don't apply so readily. I truly hope that you feel you've been understood and again, you're not whining,,,you've just been confused as to how to apply all of this! I hope you consider it and do what feels right for you. love....Lindi

Thanks Lindi, for your time in replying and your kind and gentle words! I really do feel like you understand and appreciate where I am coming from! You hit the nail on the head...confused is the right word. I have been pretty "extreme" in my life and am really searching for that balance and equilibrium that this program is teaching. I have learned sooo much already and some days, I just think, "I can't wait to practice some of this!" Naturally, one of the toughest areas for me is weight, has been since I was a kid. The weight loss program that I am doing to lose weight is pretty extreme, but I feel like, since this eating is like alcoholism, that I must avoid certain foods which trigger the emotional and physical cravings. I should explain extreme...no refined sugar, white flour, and 1500 calories a day. It is a Christian based program that really addresses overweight as a food addiction. It is my desire that at some point, I will be like you...avoiding the "trigger" foods, but eating what I need to fuel my body in reasonable quantities without the desire for a binge or zoning out on carbs. I am interested in Overeaters Anonymous and though I am not sure I have what it takes right now to attend a meeting, maybe there is information out there on the internet about it. Please feel free to email me privately if you can share more information, too! You've been a wonderful encouragement already! Thanks again!
Jen

Hi Jen, i have only a few minutes right now, but i want to get back to you today. Sounds like you KNOW which foods trigger you, so that's good. The only thing that bothers me a bit is that you're told how many calories you are allowed....although i do realize you need to drop weight. Does the program you're in have any other aspect to it besides dealing with the food (the symptom)? Since this is a Christian organization, does it also deal with the idea of a Higher Power,etc...? I doubt that O.A. has anything on the internet, only because i know that 12 step programs do not advertise. I'll check it out myself, i'm curious, but i doubt it. Also, in the program you're in, do you have 'buddies' you can call should your mind get into that compulsive state?? I found that reaching for the phone (even a 5 minute call!) could save me MONTHS of misery with food! (i mean calling and receiving calls from others in O.A.) Just asking these questions to see what is 'covered' there...in order to help you. If you are unable to get to an O.A. meeting at this time, you might find out if you can acquire the 12-step book for O.A. (not A.A.) and read through it. Anyway, let me know about those questions if you feel like it. For MYSELF, the Spiritual aspect of O.A. helped me enormously...right from the start. Again, this is in no way religious. My heart is with you on this matter, believe me. I am SO grateful to be free of this crazy food thing....i DO get the thoughts sometimes and via many different tools i've acquired over the years, it doesn't take over. Yeah!! I'm at a weight i'm completely satisfied with, i work-out 4 times a week (not cause i HAVE to...i enjoy it!) and i no longer care if i have the PERFECT body!!! (what a weight off! ha ha) Okay, talk with you later.love......Lindi

Yes, definitely a higher power...more than that...a loving God... Yes, we have accountability partners but mine hasn't been as accountable as I'd like...actually I think we are "enabling" partners! LOL! I think she and I understand each other too well, a stranger would be better, I think.
Is the 12 step book published for commercial purpose or do I get it direct from the organization? I did want to ask if you were at a comfortable weight...thanks for posting about that. I have found that for me exercise is key...but if I am in the "cycle" it is nearly impossible to go...such a battle...I have still been thinking about the OA meeting...seems like I would really be stepping over that "line" that you mentioned to actually go to the meeting. Yes, the spiritual part of any program is essential for me. I know that I can't do it alone. I listened to Lucinda's tape on change today. And the secondary benefits I think she called them, to not changing...been trying to think of the reasons that I can't get past a certain point, weightloss wise...why it is easier to stay fat than be thin...I've been thin before...anyway, rambling here. I would like to get ahold of the book you mentioned...let me know if you know how I can get a copy. Thanks again, Jen

Hi there Jen! Glad that i just checked in with this Forum and saw your reply.....my thoughts are all over the place today! (but i'll just stick to this topic for now) Originally, when i first started using the O.A. program (1982) we used the A.A. Big Book and the A.A. Step Study Book....eventually O.A. created it's own version, specifically tailored to this addiction. If you can only find an A.A. one, just change the 'alcohol references' to food. (but try for the O.A. one) I doubt that this is sold commercially, however it just might be possible to borrow one from the library. So, ask at the library for the O.A.step book and perhaps the A.A. Big Book as well...i'm sure they have THAT one. But i do think it's something you'd want to OWN, and at some point, you'd need to work through it with others. So, try to contact the Overeaters Anonymous Office and ask where you can buy the step study book....probably these are sold at certain meetings. Where do you live? There are SO many meetings in MOST cities. You were talking about it 'maybe being easier to stay fat, rather than thin' etc... There may be some truth in that, and that might take some self-searching....are you working with a therapist? But you know, WHATEVER the underlying reasons, which you'll end up dealing with at some point, the thing is: when that 'mind-set', the compulsive, obsessive thoughts about food starts 'taking over', it can be from boredom, from sadness, even from feeling good! from such a wide range of emotions!! So, in the meantime, there is a way to have that 'crazy compulsion' LIFT, even if you haven't gotten around to dealing with whatever is bothering you. Do you practice the spiritual aspect daily? For me, THAT and making the calls have been the main things. If i even get a LITTLE thought, a SMALL indication that my mind is going in that direction, i will call one of three people and 'set it up' that i make a promise to call, should i even THINK i'm in danger with it. Somehow, just this ASKING, this REACHING OUT, most every time LIFTS the entire compulsion and it's GONE!!! You can do this!!!! I KNOW you can. Please keep me posted Jen. love and best wishes, Lindi

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Linda

Lindi,

My family and I went camping this weekend so I haven't been online to check for your reply and post until now. Thank you for the suggestions on the books...will check for them tomorrow. No, I haven't worked with a therapist...have considered it before but never felt I could go through with it or that I would be comfortable with the idea. I do practice the spiritual part, I think...problem is...I don't do it every time the urge to eat hits. I think I need some sort of in my face reminder to leave the kitchen...PRAY...and refocus...I have walked in to the kitchen more than once, on automatic pilot and just grazed without really thinking much about what I was doing. Of course, until I pause and know that I have screwed up...which as you probably know leads to more eating. *sigh* Anyway, don't want to turn this into a therapy post, so I'll just thank you again, and let you know if I find the books and what happens... By the way, I live in Alaska, I am sure there is OA here, I think I 've seen ads for them in the newspaper...

Thanks again for listening and for the suggestions...

Jen