I am having a hard enough time w/ this lesson because I do think some of my expectations are high especially when it comes to my kids. So far I think it has been a good thing and they do very well for themselves. They've been taught to be respectful to others and to always try the best they can at everything they do especially when it comes to school. After listnening to this session, I thought gee maybe I should ease up a little bit w/ things, that includes always stressing over having a clean house. Then there's my sister who used to live close to me, but after hurricane Katrina, moved about an hour away not too far. I have always known my sister & I were total opposites, but now that I,m helping her out w/ her son, I feel like I'm going to loose my mind. I'm really trying to get better and I feel like I've done well so far until now. I don't quite know what to do. Her son who is 13, works with my 2 kids who are 16(my son) and 13( my daughter), out at our local zoo. My son has been working their for a while now, but my daughter and my nephew just started this past summer. I told her since she lived further than us from the zoo that he could just sleep on a Fri. night and we would bring him w/ us the next day( they only work Satudays). Anyway to make a long story short. She doesn't have high expectations when it comes to anything. So now I feel like I'm pretty much teaching my nephew things that she should be doing. He is into things a 13 should not be doing (like w/ girls). I didn't know all this when I first offered to help because my nephew, to my knowledge, just got into all this stuff that I don't approve of. I have a 13yr. old daughter and I don't want him to be a bad influence on her. I have tried talking to my sister about some of the things that my nephew told my son (not to good). She pretty much told me to handle it. Now I feel more stressed than ever. I don't want to not help her out as far as transportation, but I don't know what to do. Should I lower my expectations or should I put my foot down. Not to mention now she is not picking him up when she said she was becouse her and her husband have been going out w/ friends. I feel like I'm beig used or maybe I'm just over-reacting. That's what confuses me about this lesson. I don't know when I'm being to high or not in my expectations.

Hi, this one's a hard situation! Family always is. I sort of relate to how you feel. I don't have children but my sister had a 5 year old little girl. I know I shouldn't judge because I'm not a Mom but I do know a lot of others that treat their children much better. My sister is the opposite of me, she's very laid back and never worries. Sometimes I think she doesn't deserve my niece, she can be so self centered it's not even funny! The sad thing is this little girl adores her because of course it's her Mommy. But I'm telling you she's so selfish and always puts herself first. It it's Friday night and it's a toss up between going out with friends after work for drinks or going home to spend time with her child she'll go out for drinks in a heartbeat. Another thing that makes me mad is our Mom does so much for her Grand Daughter and she doesn't even appreciate it! Well sorry I'm not really helping you, LOL! It's really a hard situation. Try talking to her for sure but sometimes it's hard to change a person! My Mom and I are always discussing how disappointed we are with my sister's parenting skill. It particularly upset for my Mom because she was such a great Mom. We were so blessed to have a Mom that was teacher and spent every summer with us. She loved kids and spending time with us. Ahhhh it's so frustrating I try not to dwell on it to much. I'm sorry you're stuck in the situation you are. You want to help your nephew but at the same time you know it's not really your responsibility! Just take it one day at a time... Good luck !!

Jane, thank you for your reply. It does help to know someone else has sort of the same situations to deal with. I have talked it out w/ my sister and even though we still have different views on things, I think we were able to work some things out. She now understands that even though I can't change the way she raises her kids, when they're under my care they will have to listen to my rules. I know that may sound like too high of expectations, but ya know sometimes, especially when it comes to children in my opinion you have to very careful these days as to how much they can do at a certain age. That's where we differ. But anyway we did work it out so I'm glad about that. I know you kinda have problems w/ your sister. It sounds like she disappoints you and you mom. That would kinda make me angry too, but in my case, I really do think my sister loves her kids very much and she is a great mom in some ways, I just feel like because of the way we were raised (which is whole other story) she sometimes tries to be there friend way too much. There is a little difference in our lives with our moms. You are very lucky to be close to your mom. She sounds like a great grandma too. In my case my mom was not such a great mom and to this day wants nothing to do w/ her 3 daughters. It's a long story so basically my 3 sisters & I only have each other to turn to for advice. We all have children, and sometimes it gets hard when you don't know what to do and we are all close so I'm glad we're able to work things out. It was just I needed a little advice about this situation because It was kinda sticky. Anyway I hope maybe one day soon your sister understands how lucky she really is. Children are so special and she has a good sister & mom who just want the best for her. I hope she understands that before it's too late. Selfishness is such a bad thing!

Hi, I'm very relieved to hear everything worked out pretty good! I guess sometimes all you have to do it talk things through. Sorry about your situation with your Mom, I can't relate obviously but I can empathize. I know I'm really lucky to have a great Mom but I'll be devastated the day she dies. Wow you wonder why I'm in this program, can you say negative thinker!, LOL. Seriously though I know I'm really lucky! I'm glad to know you have 3 sisters and are not an only child. I guess really you should almost pity your Mom having missed out on her 4 daughters lives! On the positive side, it's probably made you a much better Mom!

Hey Jane, I feel like we connected in some way. Evevn though we're different in some ways you know what I mean as far as my sister is concerned. I must have worded it wrong but I only have 2 sisters plus myself. So it's just the 3 of us, sorry. That's besides the point. It's kinda wierd. We all have issues because of our past, just in seperate ways. That's why it's hard for me to deal w/ some of my sister's promblems verses my promblems. But given the fact we had a mom that was totally different than your's, I guess we just need each other to figure out what to do. That is what makes this program so special, because we can sometimes turn to other people who are looking from the outside-- in to help us. It's great to get a different point of view. Anyway, it just so happened just this past weekend my younger sister told me that my mom tried to call her and she was still very negative. It's kinda like your sister except it's my mom that's the selfish one. I know that might be hard to hear but it's true. All we want is her acceptance & love and all she can do is be selfish. There's that word again. See it can go either way. That's what makes it so wierd. You are very lucky to have your Mom. My mom's words to my sister were " Yall acuse me of not wanting to talk to you, and here I am calling & you won't answer my call." We all live apart from each other now since H.Katrina and we can only talk from cell phones, mainly to try to save money, and she thinks we can here them anytime of the day. Sometimes you can't & she just doesn't get that. But it's a long story of a mother who thinks her daughters are supposed to bow down to her feet. I wish I had a mom like yours. Then maybe I wouldn't be having the problems I'm having. I'm sorry to dump on you, but I guess that's what we have this for. Thanks for listening. Pea

Hello, wow your Mom is special, LOL. It's hard being around selfish people. I just try and accept my sister for who she is even though it is disappointing I can't change who she is. It's a shame your Mom is the way she is it sounds like she could use some help herself not that she would ever admit she's the one with the attitude problem. I guess it's really hard to accept people for who they are with out their actions and attitudes affecting us. I try not to dwell on it too much and try to look at their positive traits. Although I made my sister out to be a bad Mom, there are worse Mom's in this world. She doesn't scream and my neice and say nasty things of physically hurt her but emotionally I wish she was just more there for her. My sister is a kind person and has a great sense of humor. There are funny situation when I know if I even so much as glance her way I'll lose it laughing. Well all I have to say is thank god for your two sisters. I also have a younger brother who I know feels the same way about my sister as does my Mom and Dad. At least I can find comfort that I'm not the only one that feels this way about my sister. However I think complaining about it allthe time does really help anything. I think sometimes my Mom and I get carried away. It's good to vent but maybe we need to put a 5 minute time limit! Well I hope you are having a good night! Take care.