I have trouble with this because everyone tells me I expect too much or that they didn't expect much, and I did.
And, I don't feel like I expect much. In fact my standards are way too low.
I do expect to be treated the way I treat others. It's not working out. I wonder if ignoring others, and choosing apathy in feeling is what I should do too. It seems like it takes a crane to get someone to go out of their way for another.
My view is terrible this week. I wonder if I am a pollyanna, and should became a wicked self-center witch instead.
I am hurt that I expect more.
Kris

Dear Kris,
You posted an interesting question or subject. I had to read it a couple of times to understand what you are saying. Now I understand. You are a good person who likes to show empathy and kindness to others and basicly you'd like to hear at least a thank you. And if you happen to be sick or need encouragement you would like the kindness and empathy you show come back to you when you need it. Correct?

I feel that way too. And I am finding out that seldom happens. I have mailed out tons of greeting cards and I usually get some thank yous. But I would be shocked if I got a card just because or a get well card. I think I'd have to maybe be in my 80's to get a card (my mom does)or turminal. This just got me thinking of something I want to post. Wouldn't I just love to be called to do some girl thing like coffee or shopping?

Because I am my husbands wife I get a measure of respect but not just girlie invitations to do something silly and fun. Its been awhile since I got a call from someone other then a close girl friend.

Jesus said "do unto others as you have them do unto you" and to "love your neighbor as yourself". I get a measure of satisfaction for giving and believe that people appreciate my cards but just forget to remember me that way. Many people may think you and I have a lot of friends or that we may not enjoy them. Perhaps that is so and not because whatever. Well, I think I am getting tired and will end now because I forgot what you posted. 10:45 PM.

Best to you.


------------------
Victoria

[This message has been edited by Victoria (edited 07-08-2001).]

Why does it have to be "all-or-nothing"? There is a place somewhere in between.

I used to wear my feeling on my shirtsleeve and have come a long way. Life is so much more enjoyable this way.

I have a suggestion for you to try for a week. Every time you start to say the word "feel", replace it with the word "think". Just by making this small change in the way you talk will help you to stop being so "sensitive" to everything everyone else seem to do to you. This exercise seems to sort out our thoughts, our feelings, and our emotions. We tend to have those three all linked together and can't seem to separate them into healthy, more managable parts. When we are "thinking" we are also more reasonable.

If you find yourself making a judgement about someone try not to start it out by saying, "I feel like she.....", instead try saying "I think she....". This will actually change you from feeling to thinking. Thinking is such a nice place to be.

"Treat others as you would like them to treat you." is a nice way to live. Living that way makes us have a nice inner feeling of calm and happiness, AND DOESN'T guarantee that others WILL treat us the same. The "feel good" part is when we are giving. If one doesn't feel good inside then the body is telling them something. Use the brain and THINK about it.



[This message has been edited by EastCobbGABetsyH (edited 07-08-2001).]

Hi Victoria and Betsy,

Thank you for your replies. It means much to me.
Victoria, it is that I wish others had empathy, understanding. I do like to show kindness to others. I know what you mean about how nice a call for friendship would be. It's so much more complicated than when we were children. I remember leaving the house in search of someone my age, and when I found another child; it was as if we immediately because friends. It's funny that some of these friends are still my friends now, since it was so easy. We cried and got mad, but always soon were friends again. As an adult, I feel like a mistake with a new friend, like being yourself, getting upset, being anxious, and the compassion and empathy is gone. I forgive others very easily, and I don't feel others forgive me for my troubles, or are even supportive. I don't get the same in return. I think in a way there is something positive in this, if you are the same way, everyone has different levels of ability to be compassionate, to express feelings, and it's best to understand that we are lucky to have extra compassion. It is a gift to feel. It's just how to use it well.

Betsy, I see what you are saying that finding a middle ground is a good practice.
What hurts me today is that I called a friend, and did not receive a return call.
I came home to no lights flashing on my answering machine, again. I'm not sure why the answering machine makes me feel so terrible!! Laughing. I guess others have trouble too, since scenes like that are in movies. It's almost an obsession. Why wasn't I important enough to get a call back? Should I try to call them again instead of waiting? I could say, I think answering machines are devices that I've never liked. I think I like talking to people in person. I think since this is hurtful, not getting a return call, that next time I call this person, I will not leave a message, so I will not be waiting for a return call, and will talk to them later.
gosh, Betsy, That works. If I expressed my feeling instead, I would smash the answering machine, or feel hurt. I guess there is no guide for returning calls. In fact, in none of the messages I leave, do I ever say, "this is important to me, and I hope you have time to return my call tomorrow." I say nothing about returning my call.

Anyway, if you have gotten this far reading this, Thanks! I've got lots to "think" about.
I do expect sometimes though, from people I know can not return my caring. I think it's good to think about why I expect this.
Any ideas?

Kris