I can totally relate with many of you in your posts. I work with "miss negativity" and it is wearing me down, mentally and now physically, I have physical symptoms such as twinges of pain that will sending me jumping and then panicking. I have told my boss about her negativity, but he his such a nice guy that he never says anything to her. I work in a place where all the girls are in one big room with work stations and this particular person decided that she wanted to move her desk into the area where my work station is, she chats constantly and rarely says anything nice about a few people in our office, but in the next breath is all lovey dovey toward other people in our office. MAKES ME CRAZY!!!!

Today I told my boss that I wanted to move my desk to another empty one in our "room" and he feels that I should not have to move, that she should be the one to move because I was there first. My thoughts are that if she is asked to move then she will know that I said something about and then I will have more grief in my world, so I said that I would move.

I am so paranoid of what she must say about me when I am not there, and I can't seem to get over it. I don't want her negativity and stuff to get me down anymore but I just don't know how to handle it all.

Any ideas??????

Hey Binkyboo! I know how you feel and have been around many negative people. I understand you want to stay under the radar to not get more negativity from her. What I'm gonna say will probably be hard to do (I've been there trust me!) but you will have to get the respect. First of all she is disturbing the employees productivity and should not be constantly gossiping in the office. Totally unacceptable in the work force. Any employer would put her in her place...however, I know the kind of boss you have and he will not ruffle feathers. You have to deal with this. On the other hand, you have to impose yourself and put your foot down because you cannot concentrate and fulfill your daily work duties. If this went to Human Resources, they would be on your side. Trust me, one day this will catch up to her. Also, don't worry about what she thinks because she needs to learn to work professionally especially when it is an open area with many work stations. Binkyboo, it is your right to have a proper working environment. Like I said, you have to stand up for yourself and you did by seeing your boss. Now it's out of your hands and let him move her somewhere else. If you don't do this, she will continue to walk all over you. This will not only impact your productivity but could get you in trouble one day and of course you will be blamed for it. I don't know anyone that wants to be around someone that always has a negative opinion and trashes everybody...that's very immature and unnacceptable in the worplace.

Let your boss to his job...She has to move and you stay where you are. Limit your interactions with her. You need to please your boss and work well in your team but don't worry about her. She is a waste of time and people like this normally don't get much done in one day...they're too busy gossiping...
Please let me know what happens...I am so pissed off for you...I wish I could come to work and set her straight. You know it's always easier to do it when it's not hitting home but when a situation like this affects me, I think exactly like you but am now learning to be assertive without being aggressive. Lucinda teaches this later on in the program. I am not there yet but saw it in the course outline.
Hope this helps,
Francois

quote:

Originally posted by binkyboo:
I can totally relate with many of you in your posts. I work with "miss negativity" and it is wearing me down, mentally and now physically, I have physical symptoms such as twinges of pain that will sending me jumping and then panicking. I have told my boss about her negativity, but he his such a nice guy that he never says anything to her. I work in a place where all the girls are in one big room with work stations and this particular person decided that she wanted to move her desk into the area where my work station is, she chats constantly and rarely says anything nice about a few people in our office, but in the next breath is all lovey dovey toward other people in our office. MAKES ME CRAZY!!!!

Today I told my boss that I wanted to move my desk to another empty one in our "room" and he feels that I should not have to move, that she should be the one to move because I was there first. My thoughts are that if she is asked to move then she will know that I said something about and then I will have more grief in my world, so I said that I would move.

I am so paranoid of what she must say about me when I am not there, and I can't seem to get over it. I don't want her negativity and stuff to get me down anymore but I just don't know how to handle it all.

Any ideas??????

Thank you for the advice Francois! I do need to learn to be more assertive, I am not there yet in the program either, I am still on like tape 4, been there for a while now...... I will give it a try and see what happens with what I told the boss and see if he does anything, I did tell HR also, she was in with my boss at the time.

Thank you again for the advice, I appreciate it and hope that everything works out.

Hey Binkyboo. By the way, I love your nick name. So cute! I need to be more assertive too! I get scared. Let's be gentle with ourselves and we'll get there in due time. Stay in touch. Let me know what happens. By the way, you are a very wise person. You are letting things go and are waiting to see what happens. When you do this, I find that things get resolved on their own. We need to get involved but then need to let it go, otherwise if we try to control the situation too much, we get worn out and it gets no where. You made your point, you escalated and I'M SO GLAD HR is stepping in. You'll see you will look bad in the end. Not you! So who cares what she can say about you! Stay positive and God Bless you!
Francois

quote:

Originally posted by binkyboo:
Thank you for the advice Francois! I do need to learn to be more assertive, I am not there yet in the program either, I am still on like tape 4, been there for a while now...... I will give it a try and see what happens with what I told the boss and see if he does anything, I did tell HR also, she was in with my boss at the time.

Thank you again for the advice, I appreciate it and hope that everything works out.

Joe B. I agree with the suggestions above about trying to stay positive yourself and trying not to react with anger. You sound a lot like my husband. He is very angry right now and has been under a lot of stress working 2 jobs to try to provide for me and our 4 children. However, the stress of him being gone all the time has caused a whole lot more stress and anxiety for me. I think wives tend to take on the stress and anxiety of every member of the family. When my husband is angry and stressed out, I naturally want to back away from him emotionally and physically. Women need to feel safe with the man they love, and physical closeness will not happen unless they feel emotionally safe. I tend to feel like it is always my fault that he is angry and stressed out, and it does not help that I feel he uses sex as a stress reliever. I have a hard time feeling close to him when I feel like all I am is "stress relief" to him.

I believe you get back whatever you give out, and if you are giving out negativity that is what you usually get back. I am starting to look at myself and see how negative I have been and with the help of this program I am trying to stay positive and not react with a lot of nagging or put downs. I read a great book called "Boundries, When to Say Yes and When to Say No" by Townsend and Cloud. It suggested that (just like the bubble idea above which I really like) you need to have emotional boundries that do not let the "bad" things in and only lets the "good" things out. When other people see only good things coming from you, they will eventually recipricate, or at least stop being negative back to you.

I had a counselor tell me that it was okay to feel angry, just not okay to react in anger. It is okay to let others know what makes you angry, as long as you do it in a manner that is not loud, attacking or may be perceived as threatening. My counselor said it was okay for me to say to people, "That makes me angry," or "it makes me angry when you..." And I think people appreciate it when they know if they have made you angry, especially when it is said in a non-threatening manner. Then they are more willing to change the behavior that made you angry in the first place, and you feel better having expressed it even if they do not change their behavior.

Keep trying to stay positive and be aware of how you react to people. I know it is hard, but it will be worth it later. You will eventually find yourself surrounded by positive people.

I am surrounded by a few negative people myself. My best friend has a new problem every day and she thinks that just because I am getting a degree in sociology that I am her free shrink. I am expected to have the answers to everything and listen to her problems every day. Just last night when she called with her list of problems I just listened for a while then I told her that I had somethings to do so I had to get off the phone. But I am having trouble telling her that I don't want to hear her crap at all anymore.

hehe sounds a bit like me. My basic problem is that throughout the majority of my life I was and still am very negative thinker. I am also surrounded by negative, depressed people who I have no choice but to endure. I know that I can really wear down a normal person's soul I've never really had a support group or person who could stand listening to me. I've always had to depend on myself but its hard when you always have to lean on your own shoulder...