I'm having some difficulty with self talk today. I'm wondering if anyone can relate? I am finsished the program but seem to be having alot of growth spurts lately or maybe its's my negative self talk.

I have been noticing that i have started to have increased anxiety driving with scary what if thoughts. I ordered carolyn's driving with comfort tape and have listened to it several times since I got it last week. I practice taking slow and steady breathing when I feel I have what is a challenge driving. I am especially nervous that i might hit someone walking or biking. I live in area where there are what seems like narroww roads and no sidewalks, even on the main roadways.

Well this am while driving home from my son's Md appt. on a narrowish street. I noticed on my right an older man walking out off the side walk to front driver's side to get into the car. On my left was an older woamn trying to cross street a little further down. I slow my van down and try to move out a little beacuse of the older man but trying to be aawre of thew older woman trying to cross street. My thought I will let this older woman, dressed in running clothers, cross street so I slow down check rear view mirror to see how close car is behind me, look back at street and woman is nearly fully across street. I had my front on brake but was not completely stopped and I was like Oh my God i could have hit her.

This has been my thought most of the am. Then I have begun to 2nd gues myself, did i wave her out to cross and I don't remmeber, what kind of driver am I, I could have killed her. What if I end up in jail. What about my kids etc. etc

I try to counter with + I am good capable driver. I have quick reflexes. I was able to stop car quickly. Everything is ok. Then my negative self comes back with you wren't paying attention, you shouldn't be driving. You always make mistakes. Then I think well if I wasnt' driving then this wouldn't happen.

I cannot give up driving, I refuse to become home bound. I have been driving over 25 years and I have never been in any seroius accidents. One time hit parked car skidded on ice.

I want to be my own safe person and place but I need a little help. I'm even beating myself up over asking for help. I should be able to handle this I'm finshed the program

If anyone has anthing to offer I truely would appreciae it. Thank you. Take care and God Bless.

Hello BNA:

Please slow down....you are so OK. You didn't hit anyone. It is a two way street with pedestrians and drivers. It is the pedestrian's responsibility to look out for on coming cars as well as the driver's responsibility to look out for potential accidents. Then good news is that YOU DID NOT hit anyone. You, your kids, the woman, the old man...are all safe. That is your positive. Let the fear come in with the thoughts and let them do their worse damage with your heart pounding and all the physical uncomfortable symptoms and move through it like a panic attack. Know that they are just uncomfortable thoughts and feelings and that they will pass. Accept them, but also keep telling yourself the TRUTH which is that everyone is safe and that you did nothing to jepordize anyone's safety. Give yourself a pat on the back (litterally) and tell yourself that you did a fantastic job in driving your son around and that you will continue to do well with your driving. Put responsibility on the pedestrians as well and say to yourself that we are all responsible for our own safety and that everyone needs to watch out for oncoming cars when out walking. Share that responsibility and know that you are doing a great job driving. And you are...that is the TRUTH...focus and keep focusing on your accomplishments and all the while, let the anxious THOUGHTS (and remember they are only thoughts) come and go...and they will. Keep positive...you did great...really!!

Hello sidd
Thank you for your very thoughtful reply. I really appreciate your kind words.

This past week has been very stressful. Last thurs am my husband was involved in a head on crash with another driver who crossed the median line when he dropped his cell phone. He collided with my husband. According to the police they are both lucky to be alive. Thank God both are ok.

I have carried the stress of this around all week. I have refused to allow myself to what if about it or to allow myself to think in any way towards it. I keep trying to dwell on my Blessings that my husband is ok. But when I have what seems like an anxious moment I blow it out of perspective.

My husband has told me he is so proud of the way I have been handling everything and my anxiety. I am proud of myself as well, but feel inaduate or not living up to my own expectations, that I was able to handle what was so terrifying, but here this am I couldn't handle driving with people trying to cross the street.

So I guess I better review tapes 3 self talk and tape 4 expectations again.

Sidd, Thnak you once again for your kindness and support. It helped tremendously. take care and God Bless.

Hello bna:

Your very welcome...all this will pass too. Keep the faith...you are OK! Take good care!

Sidd

bna, could it be you've been thinking so much about your husband's accident that you're carrying those fears and they're being played out in your driving? As Sidd said, it WILL pass. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I've been beating myself today wondering where my faith went. Fearing my stepdad will die and all the what ifs with my mom. What ifing sure can ruin our day along with other negative self talk. We'll get over this hurdle and there will be another. Yea, growth spurts, aren't they fun??? Well, we're all growing together, aren't you glad.