I am a 58 year old retired federal agent struggling with retirement trying to find a new career. My self talk is very negative, because I have very few job skills, especially with computers. I am extremely depressed, because I am very fearful of the future, financial concerns and just having something positive to do every day. I am failing at my new job which requires computer & financial analysis skills. I am beating myself up daily & annoying my very supportive family. I am trying to develop positive self talk, but can not seem to create realistic positive self talk. Any suggestions?bushjs@comcast.net

Why not try something you actually enjoy. Kind of a novel idea after a long government career. Why torture yourself doing something you have no interest in? My husband will be retiring in just under 3 years from the Postal Service and we're both having similar issues. What do we do when we're no longer doing what we do? Still trying to sort that all out but I'm trying to come up with things I enjoy that could make money. It's hard to start thinking in new ways but I'm starting to realize the only thing standing in my way is me. Good luck!

Jeffrey,
At first, self talk (positive) will not seem very realistic. The more you repeat it out loud and to yourself, it becomes more real for you. Just a process of reprogramming your mind.
Believe me, it works. I was a pro at beating myself up with negative self talk. No more.
Give yourself time - hmm you're probably thinking - "no way, I don't have time" - sure you do.
There's a wonderful book What to Say When You talk To Yourselfby Shad Helmstetter that is packed full of positive affirmations. It's all about self talk and it's an easy, but very informative read. Great adjunct to the program and it takes about 2 days to get it through Amazon.com.
Maybe the job you choose for now isn't the right one for you. Just a thought.
Have you considered taking a computer class- a fairly basic one. If you can navigate the internet, you can learn more on the computer.
I finished one recently and it was a nice challenge and was actually fun. It's not like you need to excel in the class, or worry about a college gpa.
Have to admit-I'm smiling at the moment. I was in sort of the same position. There I was, retired from a professional career and had very limited computer skills. For me, all I had to know were the basics, to fill out my paperwork, and anything else intimidated me. The kids are so computer savvy and I was such a novice.
There's another good book by Dr. Wayne Dyer - The Power of Intentionand one by Lucinda Bassett- Life Without Limits-both of these are helpful when needing a bit of a cheering section when job hunting, and to help improve self esteem.
Do you have the Attacking Anxiety and Depression program? It's awesome and an extremely good life investment.
Try cheering yourself on, whether you believe it yet or not. Remember, the subconscious mind will accept what you repeatedly tell it. If we can learn the negatives, we can surely learn the positives.
God bless and hugs to you and your family.

Cindy,

Great post, I needed to here this today! I read What to say to yourself, great book, I am almost through with another great book, called Stop being your symptom and start being yourself. It realy gets into how our thoughts create our mood. and if you concentrate on all negitive stuf, guess what happens. I just kept a mental tally of how many negitive thoughts I had for a few hours, I was blown away, I cant belive how negitive I am, You are so right about learning to change your thoughts, In the begining your right, you dont tend to belive it, but the more you do it it will become second nature. Thanks again and I hope this helps you as well Jeff.

Debbie

I am still learning how to use this system & I am very encouraged by the willingness of others to share & respond to my concerns. I hope I will be a help to others when I recover. I have been in a deep depression for amost 6 months, as well as the anxiety, insomnia & something new panic. I am struggling most with self talk & negative thinking, because I recognize it as the key to recovery. Right now I'm stuck there, because I have not mastered the skills in the Self Talk sessions & homework. Overcoming the lethargy depression creates is another problem I suspect most of us in this community face. Thank you all for your helpful & caring comments. It is nice to be a part of a community that understands. To: Joan F - I am a retired Postal Inspector!

quote:

Originally posted by Joanne F.:
My husband will be retiring in just under 3 years from the Postal Service and we're both having similar issues.

To: Joan F - I am a retired Postal Inspector! I worked most major mail fraud & securities fraud case in my career. Thanks for your response & best wishes to you & your husband.

Hi Jeff -

Give yourself some credit - you got on and posted on this site! Trust me, you already have more computer skills than most of the population!
A lot of anxiety is caused by us being so hard on ourselves, and setting up expectations for ourselves that we can't fulfill? For example, you had a very long and I would assume somewhat fulfilling (even if for the only reason that it paid the bills, etc.) and you are frustrated that you don't have computer skills now. But why would you have them if you didn't need them before? That's nothing to really be frustrated about, its just something to ponder, you know?
So, the way I have tried to address my challenges with positive self-talk, is to try to think about what I would say to a loved one who was thinking the same things about themselves, like "It's okay, they are only thoughts, and this will pass. Don't be too hard on yourself, you've done well so far." etc. etc. What every suits the particular situation...

So, be kind to yourself, you have done well so far, and you're going through a major life change that should cause anxiety (even if you wish it wouldn't). It's perfectly normal...

Thank you, Rebecca!

I agree with Rebecca - the reason we have anxiety is because we are WAY too hard on ourselves...

Jeff - I wasn't working for a while and I felt very depressed - and when I started working again, I totally beat myself up expecting myself to be perfect. The feelings of not having a "purpose" when I wasn't working and then fear of failing at my new job made me go into a tailspin of negative feelings and depression/anxiety. When you have put so much of yourself into a career and then leave that career, it makes you feel like you don't know yourself and it may make you flounder - but I can tell you that in time, it does get better and you will find other people that you have things in common with (including all of us) that will help you feel like you have a purpose again. You are not your job - but you've been doing it so long you forgot - now you get a chance to find yourself - separate from your job - and maybe you'll find something you really like in time again...good luck and God Bless!

To all, I am on the third session of the program and I am having a little trouble with positive self talk. I have so much negative self talk under my belt-twenty years worth. I'm not giving up because I know I can do it. I know that even my current feeble efforts are making a difference already. The truth is I am ashamed at what I have done to myself with all my negative thoughts. I don't want to be like this anymore. No wonder I have so few friends,no husband no children, no place of my own,an inability to do the things I want to do,etc,etc.I want to be free of this disorder. I wrote down some of my negative thinking. I wasn't surprized at all. I've been doing it for so long. It's so ingrained in my mind.This is why I wonder if I really will be able to conquer them. In hope,Lorena