Has anyone out there kept two journals simultaneously?

I have suffered from anxiety and depression most of my 34 years. I thought it was normal and coped through some really rough times by writing in journals. I got so tired of writing only the negative things though and wondered if there wasn't more to life than this. So I started another journal--one for just the better things in life.

When my "troubled" journals are full, I have a symbolic letting go. I take and burn it, unread. This is my final act of "Let go and let God". I'm sending it directly to Him and I can no longer take it back. It is gone forever and in His hands.

The good journals are kept for me, and perhaps for my children if they are interested when they are older. It documents the joys of life, motherhood, and the innocence of childhood. Not to say everthing in it is rosy. I've included some of the usual tribulations in life--lost pet, sickness/death of a family member or friend, problems we overcame, ect. You know, "normal" every life occurances. I have gotten so much joy and hope from rereading it. I see my strengths and where there are good and happy things in my life--that life is not just anxiety.

Here is something I would like to share from my good journal--My husband and I were sitting at the end of our bed one morning trying to have a little conversation. Our daughter, then about the age of three, was bouncing happily on the bed and making quite a ruckus. "Look at me!; I can do this!; Watch me, watch me!" Giving up on the conversation, my husband took off for quieter quarters and a cup of coffee. Upon noticing her Daddy was missing, my daughter inquired as to where he had gone. I tiredly responded with, "To find some peace and quiet." My daughter promptly leapt from the bed and took off out of our room yelling, "Daddy wait for me! I want some peace and quiet too!!"

Let's not forget the wonderful things we tend to overlook in our lives. They're right under our noses and only need to be brought to our attention.

New Hope,

I love your idea! You are indeed finding new hope! Congratulations!

Chantal

Hi New Hope,
Thats a great idea to keep 2 journals. Sometimes my bad thoughts are so negative that I don't want to re-read them ever! I think I will keep a positive journal to record the good times (there are a few) and a negative journal for all the problems and memories that I want to dispose of! Do you physically burn these things? That sounds pretty motivating.

Hello JFrench683,

Yes, I do burn them. We live in a rural area and are allowed to burn without a permit.

I had kept several journals before, and every time I opened them to reread them all those old feelings would wash right over me. It was as if it was still happening and not something that had occurred many years ago. I felt miserable thinking that my life so far seemed to be nothing but problems and frustrations.

I decided to burn them for several reasons, 1. If they were completely gone, I couldn't go back and relive any of it.
2. What if someone found those journals and read them. (YIKES, they'd probably institutionalize me! LOL)

I came across an article somewhere about writing down what is bothering you and setting fire to it, releasing it to God. This way you are letting it go, and it will always be just between you and Him.

So the first time was actually an experiment. I felt silly doing it, but I don't reget it. Sometimes I will write a poem, a thank you, or a list of things He's created that make my life more beautiful. He gets these too. It helps me offset negative with positive.

And now I'm babbling, so I think I'd best take my leave.

Take care,
New Hope

P.S. Start out with the little things that make you happy. Like maybe a sunset--the vivid reds and oranges and the sense of comfort it gave you just before it slipped down over the horizon--, a friend you bumped into unexpectedly, a dream of what you would like to do someday. These little things add up and give us the greatest joys!

[This message has been edited by New Hope (edited 02-19-2001).]

That's so sweet. What a great idea. And I loved your story about your little girl! I hope the program is going well for you. I'm enjoying it immensely.

Regards,
Kristie

New Hope,

That is such a wonderful idea. I think it would help lift the emotional burdens I am feeling right now. I know how cathartic it is to burn something. When my friend died, I couldn't deal with it. I couldn't think of her or talk to her or anything. A short time ago, I decided to write a letter to her. I sat in the chair in the dining room where I used to sit when she came over, made some tea, set a place for her and read her the letter. After that I burned it and let the wind take the ashes. I felt like a part of me suddenly opened up after being closed for so long.

I am going to begin using the two journals. I hope it works as well for me as it does for you.

Thanks for the idea.

DW

Would you suggest that it would helpful to burn or dispose of items from past failed relationships? I have a hard time throwing things away because I attach sentimental value to everything. Sometimes it seems like I almost enjoy recounting the nostalgia of years past no matter how painful. Maybe this will help me bring closure and move on with my life.

Chantal, JFrench683, Kristie, & DW

Thanks for your responses. I love to help others and try to uplift them, even if I'm not very good at doing it for myself.

CHANTAL,
I read one of your prior postings in which you mentioned spirituality beliefs--reincarnation, past lives, live charts, ect. Can I ask if your way of thinking is something new or if that is the way you have always felt? It's a new path for me in a sense, yet something I have always felt compelled to come back to again and again.
Thanks for any input!

KRISTIE,
I'm starting chapter three in the program now. I have only had a couple of "all out" anxiety attacks since starting this program, and even then they were short lived. I was having them four or more times a day, didn't leave the house unless I had to, and had pretty much lost all hope. I was so tired and depressed.
I'm sooo happy you're enjoying the program. I hope it's working for you. Where did you learn about the program? I heard it over the radio, but I've never seen the infomercial others have talked about.

DW,
Thanks for sharing your experience. I understand that feeling "a part of me suddenly opened up after being closed for so long". You described it perfectly!
Keep up with the forum. I would love to hear more on how you are doing. Things sound a bit rough for you right now.
Hang in there, I'll be thinking of you, and sending out prayers.

JFRENCH683,
LOL you sound so much like me. My home is aclutter because everything has sentimental value. I've been weeding out a few things a little at a time because there is no room. As for disposing of items from past relationships, it depends. I have finally tossed/burned things that have a sad/angry/depressed intonation for me. Things that are uplifting have remained. It hasn't been easy, because I will grab things out of the garbage just before it goes out. It's so hard to let go--just ask my husband (smile). But, for me, it goes hand in hand with the "obsessive thoughts". The item/s were the trigger for negative thoughts that I would run around and around with again. There was really alot of old emotional baggage I was carrying around. Does this help?
I guess from personal experience, I would say "absolutely".
By the way, do you have the program? Where are you at? Are things going better for you?

Thinking and praying for us all,
New Hope

New Hope,

I found out about the program from the infomercial as well (at probably 4 in the morning!). It totally just clicked and I ordered it the next day. It's funny. I do have anxiety but I also have an uncanny way of knowing exactly what I need and what's right/what'll work for me when I see it!

So I got it and I think it's great. I've been doing it for about 5 weeks and I've already benefitted from it tremendously. It sounds like it's working well for you, too. COngratulations.

Well, I guess that's it for now. Perhaps I'll see you in another "thread". I hope so!

Regards - Kristie

New Hope,
Sometimes I wish I could make my life simple and predictable again like it was at the military college I attended. I could only have limited possessions there and the clutter was minimal since we had to have our rooms ready for inspection everyday. Sometimes I get mad at myself because I feel so disorganized and overwhelmed with junk I never even get around to dealing with. For example, I buy a magazine or a book and read it once or twice then it goes in the junk pile. Or I have a million projects/ideas going at one time and I don't think I ever complete a single one. The funny thing is that I have the mind of a perfectionist but can never achieve this because of all the clutter!
I started the program mid January and rushed ahead to the 10th tape within 3 weeks. I've stopped now and gone back to do this more patiently. I think the program has helped me overcome my depression but I don't think it has made a dent in my anxiety yet. I'm suffering from a lot of pains that really scare me into thinking this is a physical condition plus I had a test come back that didn't prove or disapprove of a particular condition. Nevertheless, I'm determined that whatever is wrong with me, that I will enjoy life despite it!

JFrench683,

Love your attitude! I'd say you have quite a surge of self esteem going for you! That's great! I hope it's contagious.

I know what you mean about the clutter. I have file drawers of crafts and ideas, all untouched. I keep telling myself I'll get around to them someday. This disorganization drives me nuts! I like a place for everything and everything in it's place, but my house sure doesn't reflect that.

Do you ever feel like you can't accomplish anything? Many times I don't know where to even start cleaning up the mess. I have to set (by my standards) very low goals. At the end of the day, I make a mental list of everything I've done just to show myself I do accomplish things.

Messed up in more ways than one! LOL
New Hope

[This message has been edited by New Hope (edited 02-24-2001).]

New Hope,
Yes, It seems like I have a mountain of jobs and projects that never get finished. When I was in software sales last year, I managed hundreds of customer and prospect accounts. Fortunately I had a database to keep track of things, but keeping it updated was sheer madness. The workload was crazy and it was easy to get overwhelmed. I've always felt like my life would be easier and I would accomplish more if I had a secretary! My goal now is to concentrate on doing less things more effectively both in life and work.

Hey guys, clutter,clutter, clutter. I like what you said about doing less things more effectively. That's great! I think that we actually do accomplish things we just don't give ourselves credit. Always looking at the things we haven't done...Cup half full/half empty. The comment about perfectionist--I've always said I am a perfection seeker, I'm still trying...decided to give that up. Now that I am spending SO much time on the internet, my family thinks there is something wrong with me LOL. I am NOT doing the things I've always done. My house is showing it, but I don't care. This is important, and its fun.

See ya, and thanks for posting this.

Hi New Hope:

I'm new at this Forum stuff, so forgive me if I'm not doing it right. I'm into my 3rd week tape and was going over your messages. I too like the idea of the "joy" journals and the burning of the sad, bad and anxious pages of your negative journal.

How does this Forum work? I mean if I'm feeling anxious and just want to share with other members, how does one go about it?

Welcome Mort!

Well, it seems you have made a great start already! I've already encountered several of your postings! If you would like to start a new discussion on your own, quite simply "hit" Post New Topic at the end of a thread or at the bottom of a forum page. You're off and typing!

Feel free to type what's on your mind or in your heart. The support here can't be beat. The people are warm, caring, and compassionate. You will always find someone who has been in the same arena as you at some point or other.

It's also fine to just browse. There's alot to be read!

Best wishes to you! I enjoy the program and the forum. To me that is saying alot. Prior to this program I had reached the point where I was having a problem finding any joy in life. Friends and family all thought I was an upbeat, positive person. I knew what to say and how to act. I just couldn't feel it. Externally I was, internally I wasn't. I am working on changing that, and this program/forum is the most progressive therapy/help I have found.

You have truly discovered a wonderful place,
New Hope

[This message has been edited by New Hope (edited 03-04-2001).]

[This message has been edited by New Hope (edited 03-04-2001).]