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Yes, this is so true. I, after years of depression, anxiety and inconsistency, have finally managed to get on a regular workout schedule. In my younger years (well, this is relative, I'm 35 now!), my preanxiety years I guess I should say, I was always very active, fit, and always felt healthy and sexy. Then for about 10 years things really fell off. I was lucky in that I didn't really gain a lot of weight (about 10-15 lbs.) But now that I'm really working out again my old self confidence that I haven't felt in sooo long is starting to come back!
I'm not quite sure if this was directly related to going on the AA&D program, but I'm very sure it has helped. I had tried for years do do something consistently and always would end up dropping off due to emotional turmoil, fights, problems at work, just general upheaval that would leave me too tired and emotionally drained to even want to work out, so I would end up working out literally about once a month! But I never gave up with the workouts or in my own head about wanting to get to a certain level of working out, because I knew that I would ultimately be a happier person with much better coping skills once and if I could reach that goal. I figured once a month was better than nothing! It was just the psychology of knowing I was making an effort that would keep me up mentally. I guess I'm also lucky in that I'm also one of those people that like physical fitness, so liking it was never a motivational problem in itself. But through a year of individual therapy and then three weeks after that starting the AA&D program I finally, as Nike likes to say, just started doing it! I started out in December and got to the point where I was out once a week. Then after 3 weeks or so I said, okay, I am going to try twice a week. I then found that the more I went out the easier it got. I also really started to tie in emotionally to my workouts in that I look forward to them and they're fun for me. I mean they're not always fun physically but they do feel so good when you're working out, and that feeling boosts up your motivation to stay disciplined, so in that sense they become fun. But it's also just fun to rollerblade, too. So after twice a week, I thought to myself "okay, now that I've gotten to this point I can give myself permission to ask how much ideally would I like to be working out, and the answer came back as 3x a week. So that's what I do now, roughly 2-3 times a week. 3 times a week is actually a little tough for me because that means I'm working out every other day. That makes me feel like i'm putting just a little bit too much foocus on working out, as I like to do other things as well, if not just having the mental space of quiet mornings at home with myself to focus on my recovery from anxiety. I'm really starting to see results now so I can see that what I am doing is obviously fine and sufficient. I rollerblade for 30-40 minutes, do 5 mins worth of sit-ups and then do 2 sets of 15/each push-ups. For me I'm really seeing how the two (exercise and emotional growth) go hand in hand. The exercise really gives you that emotional and physical boost, which in turn eases the mind and makes everything more gentle and manageable. I feel so neat how I've just adapted to this "new" way of living my life. It's as though I climbed up an emotional mountain to get my workouts back on track, and now that they're there they're just a natural part of my life and I almost feel like I'm in cruise mode. Another thing that really helped me out (I just realized this a few days ago, actually) was the thought of "this exercising is only taking me 3 hours/week. That's nothing!" When you think of how easy it is to blow 3 hours a week. Realizing that, for me, just made me feel like it was even easier and made the mental blocks just dissapear. At one point, because it was going so well, I actually found myself thinking "I finally now have this great routine down. What am I going to do if I move and the layout's not the same?" "What if I move somewhere cold and I can't work out outside?"! Just these fearful "what if" statements because I knew how much effort it took for me to get to where I'd gotten and didn't want to loose that progress. But as each day goes by I'm realizing that those thoughts are silly. I want to try running so I can have some variety, and also that is something you can do pretty much anywhere. I'm really glad to know I'm helping out my health, but even more for me on a personal level is my increased positive body image. This is helping a lot with my overall feeling good about myself and I'm starting to feel (and look!) what I feel is sexy again. I currently rollerblade and love the flat streets around my neighborhood. I also found an indoor pool about a year ago that I still have never checked out but have the info. handy in case I wake up one day and want o do something else. It feels good to know I have that option ready to go so I don't have to worry about breaking up my consistency. The only thing that now threatens me is I'm currently so into the program and expressing myself in the chat forums. It feel so terrific because every time I communicate it's like I'm just letting out a floodgate of stuff that has been bottled up for so long, but it also can be emotionally draining, so much sometimes that I wonder if I'll be too tired to exercise. But so far this really hasn't hindered me very much. I think because I've become physically stronger and have more endurance so it's easier to work out even if I don't really feel like it. I'm now starting to get to the point where that negative energy from being too tired is turning into positive energy (I feel excited, although drained instead of negative and drained, even though I know I've been making progress). I think maybe it's adrenalin because I've wanted to feel this way for so long it's like I just don't want to stop when the good stuff start flowing so I'll go and go and go until I am exhausted! Kind of like right now! You know what, I think I just realized something that feels significant and could possibly be a theory in this whole concept of attacking anxiety. It seems to me like this anxiety I feel a lot of the time could quite possibly be just "negative adrenalin". So, consequently, if I am able to turn my negative energy (thoughts) into positive energy thoughts, I'll just be left with all of this extra energy to feel like I can take on the world! How's that?!
Okay, I'll stop now! It's almost like a catch-22 because on the one hand the more I purge, the more calm and happy I feel inside. But then also it takes work to communicate like this, so I'm using a lot of brain power in order to progress myself!
All right, enough is enough. I welcome feedback on any of this from whoever wishes to respond. Care to all on their workout programs. Get out on those bikes and go! Just do it!
-Kristie
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