I'm in my third week of the program. Of course, typical of my personality and condition, I worry that I'll fail at this and not get better (negative thought!). I've tried cognitive therapy in the past, and my mind seems to be so resistant to it! However, I do like Lucinda's presentation better than any I've encountered before. But I've been feeling overwhelmed with all that's required in the program, the tapes, the relaxation, the journal, the exercise, the workbook. I'm finding I'm not doing as much as I should: not doing the relaxation tape three times a day, some days all I can get to is exercise, etc. Do I have to be more disciplined to be successful? I have a three-year-old, and it's difficult to find much time for myself, in the midst of everything else there is to do. Anyway, I'm only in my third week but already feel behind...and my anxiety and depression aren't yet subsiding. The breathing doesn't seem to be helping me yet. My anxiety's just too strong sometimes! In fact, doing the relaxation tape often makes me anxious, because I can't seem to get as relaxed as I'm supposed to! I know, I know, don't be a perfectionist...I just need some more encouragement. This bulletin board, which I've only just now discovered, is itself a godsend. Thanks to all of you out there who are encouraging all of us with this disabling disorder! I'm so grateful to find a world of real people out there speaking my language!!!!

[This message has been edited by DTC (edited 02-15-2001).]

Thank you so much, Andrew. I guess I just needed permission! I didn't really look at it the way you put it, that I don't HAVE to do it all. Of course, I want to do as much as I can to optimize my chances for success. How long ago did you go through the program, and do you consider yourself now healed for the most part? ...Just curious...I've read your many positive responses to others.

Hi DTC,

I hear ya' I want to get rid of this NOW too!!! I have finally accepted the fact that it took me a long time to get this way and it will take some time to find my way out.

I had a real problem when I first started the program too - I felt the need to do it perfectly. In reality, I found that I could not even get through lesson 1 in one week. At first I had those same feelings that if I don't do it perfectly, I'll blow the whole thing and I just found I could not do it all - the structure of the program was actually stressing me out. It took me a long time to be able to actually get through the relaxation tape too - it increased my anxiety in the beginning.

I am finishing lesson three now and it has taken me just about six weeks. I am enjoying it so much now that I am not trying to follow time constraints. I feel improvements as I go along, and that is enough for me - if rushing it stresses me out I am defeating the purpose. I exercise every other day, listen to the tape about 4-5 days per week and haven't even been able to get into journalling yet. But I have told myself that this is OK - I am feeling better. I can always go through the program again and add more.

I can now participate in the relaxation tape and have even fallen asleep with it - something that I couldn't even think of the first few weeks.

Although I want to get better so much, I can't devote 24/7 to the program and am doing much better going at my own pace. I became much more successful with the program after I lightened up - much to my surprise.

Good Luck! Sue

Thank you, thank you, thank you, Sue and Andrew! That's so great to hear! You both have a really good outlook. I'm happy for you, Sue, that you are progressing so well.

remember DTC you are not alone
we will all make it to a more peaceful being...when ever that may be...don't rush...just FLOAT.....i feel anxious too with some of the parts in the program...just think how much more positive we will become as we trek along on this wonderful recovery process...it takes time and our eyes will be opened to so much...we will enjoy things so much more.... good luck.....i am right there with ya doing it to

I really appreciate your kind words. I'll just keep trekking along. I have slowed the pace lately, not sticking to one week per lesson, and it's been much better, really relieved a lot of the pressure. I'm on lesson 4 now. But since I gave myself permission to not do it all perfectly, I've also not kept up on the relaxation tape as much as I should, so I feel guilty about that...because yesterday I had a horribly anxious day and it really set me back emotionally. But today is a new day. Thanks!

Hi DTC! Funny you should say that - I know I need to do the relaxation tape more than I do but for some unknown reason, I have trouble taking the time to do it - AND IT DOESN'T EVEN TAKE THAT MUCH TIME!!! I feel so good when I listen to it but I keep putting it off until the day is done. I guess we both need to try harder where that is concerned. Good luck! Sue

Thanks, Sue. I'm glad I'm not the only one (makes me feel like I'm not a freak after all!). Yes, I put it off and put it off. Today, I decided I'm going to actually schedule it into my day, at certain times, rather than just try to get to it when it's convenient or when I feel like it...because then it's likely not to happen, right? Maybe you could try that, too. I think our reluctance to do this is a key part of our problem...not taking time out to catch our breath and slow down during our day, instead of just going, going, going, until the adrenaline's got us! Good luck...and I appreciate your reassurance!

Hi DTC!
What's up? Iam on lesson 3, I too have a hard time fitting the relaxation in. You know though you don't really have to lie down to relax. You can relax while your standing anywhere do diaphramatic breathing and it will slow down yor breathing immediately. The reason being you can't be nervous and calm at the same time. I try to do the relaxation it at least 4 times a week. I think what is really important is to journalize. It helps to write it down so you don't dwell on anything negative. Also if you had a really positive day you are reinforcing how good you did. I have had this for awhile I know you have to face the fears to make them disappear. I went to a place called Terrap years ago and it really really helped me it was alot like this one. My main area of struggle is driving. I do drive but I have set bounderies for myself. I need to become my safe place at all times by being able to focus on the positive. On tape 3 I like what one of the men said, I can't remember his name. He said our negative are thoughts only thoughts. You know what that is so true because the definition of FEAR is the evidence of appearing real. Guess what it isn't real though, right? we need to focus on what is true and real because remember the other stuff are thoughts only thoughts. I also beat myself thinking I have to do it all or nothing, because I am a black and white thinker I need to do some major changing. I definitely worry to much what others think. When I was in Terrap they taught us the 5 R's. It means react, retreat, recover. relax, repeat. Oh well I will write you again some other time
Bye for now, Backcomb

Nice to hear from you, Backcomb. Sounds like you're understanding the stuff, and that's a great start. It really makes sense that our anxiety is caused by so many negative thoughts ("thoughts, only thoughts"). At first, I started writing down my negative thoughts, as they tell you to do. But then I'd write like a book for the positive replacement (I needed that much convincing!), and it just wasn't convenient. So now I don't really write them down anymore...I just think about them. And right then and there, I think about a positive replacement thought. I'm getting pretty good at identifying my negative thoughts, so I try to replace them all as soon as I notice them...and it takes less time than writing a book! Do think it's OK to do it this way, or do you think there's something about actually writing it?

I don't have so much a problem with driving, although because I'm "directionally challenged," I do get anxious when I have to drive a long distance, as I do this evening, in fact! But I'm right there with you for most of the rest of this stuff. It's quite interesting to figure ourselves out, isn't it? I'm now on tape 4, and it's also very revealing of me! When you get there, I've got a question posted on the forum for that section, which no one has answered yet, and maybe you can. Good luck to you!