I am having a hard time with one re-occuring negative thought pattern that I have every day. I am not sure what to change it to.

"My husband doesn't really love me, he will cheat on me the first chance he gets, I am not good enough for him, he thinks I am fat and ugly..."

I have tried "he does love me or he wouldn't be with me, I am overweight but still attractive, I can trust him..."

I just can't seem to be comforted by what I have changed it to. Should I change it to something else?

Angie - I know the following is not going to be anymore comfortable than your thoughts are but to finally move through being controlled by your thoughts you will need to understand about OCD and what you really need to do for it.

Read more of the threads in regard to OCD - obssesive thinking. There are websites that you can go on to learn what you need to help you heal.

First of all - you are not alone, nor are you abnormal.

You can contradict your obsessive thoughts over and over again but the thoughts still come back. It's learning to "allow" them their passage. Let them come and go and do not attach yourself to them. Don't try to change these thoughts anymore. It just worsens the frequency of them. Right now in the beginning stages if you need to comfort yourself try the following phrases:

Oh, here come those thoughts again but I can handle them.

It doesn't matter if I have these thoughts. They are just thoughts.

Practice watching them come and go - like a passing cloud. When you allow the thoughts to come and go there is no resistance. When there is no resistance the thoughts have less impact and eventually they come back less and less. When you no longer give a hoot one way or the other if you have the thoughts they will decrease and if you do happen to have them you no longer react and they disappear quickly.

Stop Obsessing by Foa and Wilson is very helpful. The Imp of the Mind by Lee Baer, The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle and Embracing the Present by Leonard Jacobson are all helpful. There is a website that is really helpful. Someone mentioned it recently and I believe it is www.ocdonline.com

Be especially kind to that little girl within. She's the one afraid right now. Soothe her. Let her know that you'll love her no matter what happens and that you will not abandon her.

You'll be OK. Persevere so that you finally can have peace of mind.

I am having these horrible thoughts also I completed this program six years ago and have been great and meds free but I had a yeast infection and it set off all these thought of dying. I keep thinking I have cancer and all these other horrbile diseases and that I will leave my young children behind, I really thouth all this was behind me six years ago, I am so sad it came back I thought I was done with this forever.

Bernadette - Learn to accept this condition. Don't look for ways to never have it again; instead look for ways to deal with it when it does occur. I don't know that it ever goes away completely. I do know that it does go away for long periods of time. Sometimes things trigger it. Learn to float with it. Don't attach to your thoughts. Make it OK to be there.

I do know you do not need to experience panic again. Anxiety is not panic. Learn what you can do to nurture yourself through those times. This is only a temporary setback. Allow it to pass through you and get on with your day to day living.

The website and the book recommendations in the previous post will be very helpful to you. They will open doors and lead you to other positive avenues for healing. Redo the program again. Go over specific tapes that address your spikes.

Embrace that little child in you who is fearful. That's what she needs - your love and compassion. How would you talk to a small child? That's how you talk to yourself.

You'll be fine. Really.

Boon -
Thanks for the info. I requested the books from the library and I have started listening to lesson 10. You seem to know alot about it. Has the program taught you this or did you learn it somewhere else?

hey Angie,

I have a great suggestion for you! If your not sure if your husband loves you or not. do this, ask him, or do this, make a nice out of the ordinary dinner that'll make him say "wow, she really cares about me".

You know what I'm saying? Be creative and actually do something to find out how he feels, maybe ask him nicely.

I think changing thinking patters is important, but one thing I've found that can really make a difference, is action. If you actually do something to make the situation better, rather than just think about it until you feel better.

hope I made some sense.

-Mike

quote:

My husband doesn't really love me, he will cheat on me the first chance he gets, I am not good enough for him, he thinks I am fat and ugly..."

Hi Angie. Boon has given some very good advice. I wonder not what your husband thinks, but what you think about yourself. Do you think you are good enough, attractive enough? Is this a valid thought about your husband or is this a projection of your own low self esteem and negative thinking onto him? If the answer is it's your own thinking, then therein lies the truth as to where the thoughts are coming from.

If the thoughts are coming from yourself, then I would suggest trying to counter the negative thinking with the "truth" that it is your own negative thinking, and as boon has suggested, try and not give these thoughts any power and to begin loving yourself unconditionally, not based upon how you "look" or your weight, but based upon unconditional love.

I have negative thoughts also which I have been guilty of projecting onto my wife. When I have discussed these with her the truth is revealed that it is my own negative thinking.

I do have the same thoughts. I KNOW the truth is that my boyfriend does love me and does find me attractive...he tells me this...only I can't seem to get enough of him telling me this, or seem to be able to fully believe him. That's my own fault...it's not that he's done anything to make me feel that he doesn't mean it...I know he does.
Boon and Don...thank you both so much for your replies....it's helped me so much in my own situation. Boon, the thing you keep saying about the inner little girl...I wrote that on a little note and stuck it in my notebook. I think that will help me in times when I feel scared/alone/etc.

I like these suggestions too - the more I try to "not" think of something, the more I do - so allowing the thought to enter and not giving it any power is more a choice and seems doable - thanks!

I think we all have to remember that there is a chance we will all get panic back - and if it does come back, now we have the tools to deal with it - and to not be afraid of it. I think we, as humans, tend to get comfortable - especially when things start going better and forget to do the work like the positive self talk, the nutrition, exercise, etc. and when something stressful comes along, of course we will anxious! We just have to remember to use our tools and not be afraid of those feelings.

oh - I forgot - I also really like the comment about the projection - that is so true! I think I do the same thing - you guys are so insightful!

after reading this, i feel like i have ocd now. how do I know the distinction?