I'm new to this board - but thought I'd post and see if any of you have had similar experiences. I've had anxiety off and on for years (and had an eating disorder years ago) but have been relatively anxiety-free the past 7 years. I'm happily married, have great kids and do part-time work from home. A couple months ago I started having obsessive thoughts (which was NEVER one of my symptoms before) that scared me to death. The more I tried to supress them, the worse they got. My anxiety intensified and I couldn't eat, sleep, etc. All the physical symptoms I haven't felt for years came back - especially that "spacey" feeling that everyone dreads. I wasn't having "attacks" but just felt constantly anxious and keyed up -- like I couldn't turn my mind off.

I've started seeing a therapist, and started the program 3 weeks ago (after carrying around Lucinda's book for 10 years!! I love it!) I've also started back on a low dose AD that had worked for me when I had my eating disorder.

I find that since I've "relapsed" my whole live revolves around the anxiety and what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling. I'm so focused on myself all the time that it increases my anxiety. I'm still functioning and taking care of my family and work but OBSESSED with reading anything I can get my hands on, etc. about how to GET BETTER FAST. Of course, I know this isn't the case and I need to be patient with myself but I just can't get a grip on the fact that I need to work on ME. I'm so used to taking care of everyone else!! It's anxiety-producing in itself.

Anyone else feel like this? Thanks for listening.

That's exactly how I felt in the beginning. I used to cry (and I am not a crier) all the time because I just wanted it to go away. I wanted to go back to the "old me" where I could do a million things at once and not worry about the anxiety. But that didn't happen! I went throught the program twice. After the first couple of weeks, I was panic attack free! I still had generalized anxiety, and sometimes still do. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) I did not return to my "old self", because my body and mind knew that I did not need to. So, listen to your body. Slow down and relax. Before the anxiety, I gave ALL of myself to my husband, children, housework, and volunteer work. Now, I take time every single day to give back to myself. I went to a therapist that told me that our emotions are like a bank account. We can't keep making withdrawals from our "emotional bank account" or we will be overdrawn (i.e. anxiety, panic attacks). Make sure to make "deposit" daily. Just some "food for thought". Try it and see if it helps!

Hi mm2bys,

This is my second time for going through the program. I had a "relapse" too, after moving house, changing jobs, started smoking, no exercise, coffee coffee and more coffee etc etc. I was so mad at myself! I got caught off guard for quite a few months, and treated myself pretty poorly.

Going through the program a second time has been absolutely wonderful, because I'm using all the skills again, and picking up MANY very important points I really didn't get the first time.

I can relate to the feeling on wanting to get better faster. For me, I took that pressure off myself, when I had enough peace in my mind to remember that I had high anxiety and moderate depression for probably about 15 to 20 years (I'm 27 now), and that if it takes a couple of years to recover - that's actually pretty quick and OK for me! I feel great when I know I'm looking after myself, and taking action toward recovery.

Take care!

Hi and welcome!
The racing thoughts and anxiety definately go hand in hand. The more my thoughts race, the tighter my body becomes and then more racing thoughts and hunting for the 'fix' (reading the right book, finding the right therapist, etc)
My last doctor advised me not to try to stop the thoughts but sit quietly with them. Allow them. Just observe the thoughts. This program I think says the same thing by having us do the relaxation tape. It gives us the skill to do a 'body scan' and relax ourselves of the physical tension. That then 'relaxes' the racing thoughts. I'm using this technique many times during the day. When I find myself tense in the body (usually shoulders and neck) I check in with my thoughts and sure enough, they're 'feeding' each other...like gasoline to a fire and my thoughts are in the past or future, not the present. So, rather than try to suppress the thoughts, allow them, just sit quietly with them and relax the body and soon the thoughts become as relaxed as the body, or so it is for me. A final thought, there is no 'quick fix' in anything in life. It's a journey. The destination is peace and happiness. Enjoy!

The last few days have been hard for me. I listened the lesson three 2x. There is no doubt that my thoughts are negative. I have had problems starting a log of daily events. I have been working hard at my job and here at home just keeping the house going. Getting out of my "shell" is very hard for me. The company of people, even close to me makes me uncomforatble. At my job I can be myself. I mean that by getting what I have to do done, joking with my friends there. I don't socialize with my co-workers out of work. Something "snapped" in me, i dont know how long ago. I do what I have to do with my family (3 children 3,9,12 yrs old, and a wife, but I am so isolated in many other ways. I analyze myself too much. I can be petty about bullshi*. I bought this program with the hope I can break out into life again. I will keep listening to cd3. It is so insightful of things I know I need to work on. I am 43 and very much want to change. I am an engineer and have been at the sameplace for the last 17 years. I dont live there... but work 48-50 hours a week with an 1/2 hour commute each way. I look foward to getting my shi* together. I know I am the only one stopping me. Just saying that does'nt fix me. I am an intelligent soft spoken man, I went to catholic school for twelve years. My relationship with god is tenuous at best. I have a hard time "letting go" (if that makes sense to anyone) I could type forever... I am just hanging in there for my family.

http://www.darklyrics.com/lyrics/jameslabrie/elementsofpersuasion.html#9

that sums it up.

I know exactly how you and everyone else feels. I was on Paxil for awhile to control the anxiety and then poof I was supposed to be cured and they weaned me off the drug. I worked on relaxation techniques, positive self talk, forgiveness the whole nine yards. I thought that I was beter and able to cope and then it started all over again. The thoughts that never stop not being able to sleep and night and wanting nothing more than to sleep during the day to get a break from my mind.

Now I am just working to get better again and realize that there is no real cure just learning to manage my thoughts.

I know what both of you mean. Sometimes when I'm at work my mind is just racing. It is hard to stay in the "present precious moment." But, I notice that I'm always looking outside of myself for peace and contentment, but it's got to come from me. Quieting the mind is so hard, I think because we're not comfortable in our own skin and that stems from low self esteem and negative talk. If we could only realize how great we all are. Ren, once you feel better about yourself, everything else will fall into place. You won't feel like you are just going through the motions anymore - you will actually enjoy your life. Remember not to beat yourself because it's not happening immediately. Old habits die hard, but keep replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones and you will get better.

Best wishes for peace and contentment,
Hopeful

Thanks to all for your posts. I've had a couple of good days Ren - you sound like me in that you aren't one to let many people "in". I have a few really close friends but I'm kind of guarded with everyone else. And I never used to be! I think it has to do with being vulnerable and setting ourselves up.

We all are great people - we ARE! And so much alike. We just like to overthink, overanalyze the heck out of everything and question our own happiness.

Does anyone else do this? How crazy is it that I'm anxious to feel GOOD about myself and my life? Why do I feel like I don't deserve it??? I'm ready to put the baseball bat away and get on with my life. And it makes me anxious just to write those words. But I'm ready to look long and hard at myself and try to turn this negative thinking and obsessive nature around.

Peace to all!

I have good day today. Even though i had some diarreah i made it through. I found myself today talking to many "stressed out" people at my job. I repeated so many times... "people dont crate stress, our mind does" This really helped me too! I usually overreact to things and found myself calm. Even other people noticed!I have to do the workbook tonite for chapter 3 and start my journal (finally) The more i get into this program I have begun to realize.. Its not other people that screw me up, its me and how i react. More later from me.. Just got home and felt I better post something b4 I get to much into the family routine.

Ren - that's GREAT! Glad you had a good day. I think having something like the program to work on helps too. And sometimes it helps to see that everyone stresses and has anxiety.

I love journaling. I hope you find it helpful. I'm off for family time too. Here's to another good day tomorrow!

Hello mm2bys,
I have a lot in common with you. I have 3 kids, work part time and spent the entire summer reading every book I could on the topic of anxiety. I've dealt with this my whole life but it started affecting me the most around age 17. I'm now 40 years old and have had what I would call 3 major increases in my symptoms. Each time I learn more and get deeper and find some great new information. The best for me was to finally look at this 'burden' as a gift and realize that it is a side effect of being sensitive and caring and bright. I felt a little weird at the beach with psych books but now I'm pulling back and doing more fun things while still learning about my nature.

I'm new, I can't bring my self to do nothing. I could care less if I bath, wash dishes,wash clothes plain and simple why do it no one is coming to see me. I do bathe when I smell myself. These things to me is awful> I was not like this all my life and I hate being this way now. If I have to cook to eat then I'll eat a sandwich. I live alone children all live far away.

Dear Deborah,

We do the things you mention for OURSELVES. It sounds like you are depressed and lonely...please talk with your doctor about how you've been feeling.

When we love and care about ourselves we do things that please us. What would you say is the meaning a purpose of your life right now? Do you volunteer for any charitable org? Do you attend things that would allow you to interact with people?

I care-Carolyn

I tell my doctor. She just ups my meds. So I don't feel no different. So I stop taking the meds. I take a sleeping medition. Now she wants me to take welburtin. I go to group meeting every other week. But recieve nothing or get nothing out of these.debraie@aol.com

Hi Deborah,

You may have an argument for every response that you get but you must take the initiative. Do one thing that is good for you daily for one week. Make yourself wash dishes everyday for a week, for example. Then the next week add something new that is good for you to do. Then the third week add something else, etc. etc. You get the idea. You'll begin to feel better.

Add one thing a week that you can do for someone else. ie: Read to an elderly neighbor, or get their groceries for them, feed their pets, walk someone's dog, etc. Get yourself involved.