what if the person you live with is a very negative person, their speech, tone of voice, reactions to things, etc.? what do you do if there is no out and you have to be around them?

Southernboyinnj,

First of all it depends upon who the person is that you are living with. It is very hard to change someone's attitude. Sometimes though, people do not even know or realize that they are coming across as being negative. They have been doing it so long that they are clueless. Sometimes it is because they do not understand what you are going through and have no concept of how their manner is affecting you.

Lately, I have been very blunt with people when they are negative. I actually tell them that they are being negative. The majority of them look very surprised and say to me "Really, I don't mean to be." That opens the door then to some really great conversations.

One of these people is my boss. She oozes negativity. Every day, I talk to her about it. Now when she is being really negative, she'll stop and comment about it to me. I don't expect her or anyone to change overnight. That takes a long time. Somehow though the effort that I have to put forth in helping people understand is worth it.

Now my mother is a different story. She just thinks she knows what's best in every situation, but she does not understand in the least what is going on with me. I have tried to tell her and ask her questions, but she is really a closed book. I know that no matter what I say to her will not make a difference. In this case, I prefer to just put on an air of being positive and not allow her to know that anything is wrong. You see, I just can't stand the lectures.

I think you owe it to yourself to talk to the person you live with and tell them that they are being quite negative. Perhaps there is something happening in their life that you are unaware of. Maybe they just need you to ask them.

DW

thanks DW for your comments
i do say to my FATHER that he is being negative..maybe i just need to keep at it..
i really think he has anxiety as well

Hi,
I answered your e-mail uner topic 3 in the section under fear of driving. write after your message to me. Be sure and read it. I should of answered it hear I messed up. You probably wondered why I didn't respond to you. How long have you been dealindg with this? I might be able to help you with some tools that have helped me! After you read my other e-mail answer me back.
Bye for now Backcomb

LIVING WITH A NEGATIVE PERSON CAN PUT YOU IN AN
ONGOING DAY-TO-DAY DIFFICULT SITUATION. DEPENDING ON THE LEVEL OF NEGATIVITY, A VERY NEGATIVE PERSON CAN PUT YOU INTO DEPRESSION. IF YOU ARE DEPRESSED, A NEGATIVE PERSON'S EFFECTS ON YOU WILL BE MORE POWERFUL AND YOU WILL ABSORB
THEIR DARKNESS. IT IS A DAILY FIGHT TO WARD OFF AND KEEP YOUR MIND FIXATED ON BEING POSITIVE. THE ENERGY THAT YOU USE IS MASSIVE AND IF YOU CANNOT, THROUGH THERAPY, SPIRTUAL MEANS,OR ANOTHER METHOD GET A HEAVY NEGATIVE PERSON TO REDUCE THEIR NEGATIVITY OR EVEN BECOME POSITIVE,
YOU SHOULD DEPART. YOU MUST KNOW THAT A POSITIVE
PERSON MUST PROTECT THEMSELVES FROM NEGATIVITY AND NOT SUBJECT THEMSELVES TO IT. TO SUBJECT YOURSELF TO CONTINUOUS NEGATIVITY IS TO NOT LOVE
YOURSELF ENOUGH AND IS A FAILURE TO TAKE CARE OF
YOUR MENTAL HEALTH. THANK YOU AND GOOD LUCK

Southernboyinnj

I also live with a negative person and it can be very difficult to become more optomistic when this happens. However this can bring many practice opportunities. You know some people actually find it easier to first accept other people's negativity before working on their own.

This can allow you to practice your 6 steps whenever the negative person said something negative, you can practice accepting their negativity, change their negative response into a positive one (on paper or in your mind), breathing you can still do, and look for the humor if you can and this is only lesson 3. Lesson 4 you can practice the expectations, Lesson 6 the anger, Lesson 7 will be EXCELLENT practice for this, The lesson on the courage to change will also be good for this as you have a perfect example right infront of you.

It's all about perception. The best thing you can do is learn to accept that you are in this situation right now and that you are working to overcome it. DW is right that it is very hard to change someone's attitude and we all know that nobody likes to be controlled. However when you start to change the relationship must also change in order to be maintained and some people are afraid of change but if they see someone else going through it then it becomes easier and they see all the benefits.

You are doing a great job as it is right now and you are very fortunate to have all the practice opportunities so very close by. This can definately keep you motivated to keep going and keep on track.

Mike

My husband got out of bed this morning at 8:00 and said I was worthless. Now that really hurt me. He is always negative. It's worse when he doesn't get his own way. (like having sex). I have been beating myself up for the past hour over that one comment. Now how will that effect the rest of my day?

Karrasan,
Likely it will eat at you all or most of the day as it has deeply hurt you and rightfully so!
How you deal with it is a personal choice as this involves a spouse. It's hard for me to reply to this as I know this behaviour is not right but I'm not comfortable saying all I really want to.
There are choices available to you that only you can make.
One is to expresshow you feel when he says things like this to you in a way that it's not an attack on him but rather about you, your feelings and not allowing anyone to treat you without respect.
Or letting it eat at you all day and knowing it will continue as long as you let it.
If we don't feel any self respect or self worth then some will treat us without any respect.

I will just leave it at that and wish you all the best. Be good to yourself, you are worthy of kindness and respect.

God Bless

Thanks for the encouragement. I just went into the kitchen made candied yams, stuffing and got the pie crust out of the freezer for dinner. Along with that I've washed 2 loads of towels and made the bed. That took about an hour. I am a capable person, I am smart, I am worth a lot. This is one of my mantras. My husband has always been this way. I'm considering alternatives. I don't want to feel this way.

The only thing I can say is no to give up. The other is to point out to the person that he/she is being negative. It an be that they have not realized this. Continuw working on your positive self esteem as best you can.