I thought i contacted someonelast week folloing the "contact us" propmt, either your'e to busy, or else i screwed up, in the meantime i decided to just keep going and start week 3, as lost and as smart as i am, i am totally dumb here.
i told my story to someone so would someone please acknowedledge my desperated plea. i want for this to work. janet

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Hi there! Do you mean that you contacted the Stress Center and you're wondering why nobody replied yet? Not sure if that's what you mean. Is there something you could write on this posting (to us) so we can have the chance to help out? You really AREN'T alone with whatever is going on, and i'm sure we can all help in some way. love....Lindi

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Linda

Thanks Linda, I was scared. I am seeing phyciatrist, take ativan for panic (whatelse)? ambien for sleep, and neurontin for Bi-Polar. I was on lithium until 2years ago alergic to it. I know I am bipolar, because i am calmer on neurontin, all the other stuff just makes life worse though, however i am doing what doc is telling me, and he has program info. My question was and now it sounds stupid the more i read and listen to tapes, "Can this program work for bipolar disorder"?

I have suffered from panic disorder since I was 5 years old, no lie, long history of this in my family, along with alcoholism, suicides ad infinitum...

I am going to keep watching the forum, and keep talking to doc.

My other question was if anyone knows of a support group in the Colorado Springs, Co area. If you do please email me.

Also, I am sober 13 months, had 15 years and slipped, out for 2years, and boy did the drinking and the panic get worse! However, I did not 15 years sober or now find too many people in AA who want to discuss panic disorder. It is scary for me who is very agoraphobic to make meetings without my husband or sponsor there for support.

I know I am not a UNI-Q and the forum shows me this. I went on with week 3 - in the middle of it, and I am starting to understand.

Another question, lots more, but i did not smoke ciggaretes for 25years until i picked up the drink, now i've been smoking for almost 3, my supportive husband tells me not to quit yet, to give the program more time. I've set a new date for June 6, just need feedback.

thank you so much love epona

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EPONA:

Until you FEEL better I wouldn't put any dates to goals yet. I think goals are good; AND goals can also set one up for disaster. So many of us set our goals way over the top.

For example, instead of saying, "someday I want to be able to talk in a group and feel comfortable", we say "Someday I want to be president of a large corporation and talk to them using a teleprompter." We just exaggerate everything, even our goals.

Anyway, what I was getting at is that maybe you shouldn't set a goal more than, "I will complete the program", or "My goal is to write in my journal everyday." Set realistic goals.

As you can see from the Forum, many of us have been where you are and are doing so much better. My advise is to take baby steps. not GIANT steps over the hard work that it will take to complete the program (maybe even a second time).

GOOD LUCK!

Betsy

thank you betsy, i sooo...needed to hear that. i am scared to set any goal, and it puts my weary mind to rest. i don't want to set myself up for failure, and i like baby steps. love epona

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Hi Epona, glad you wrote back. If the Center hasn't replied to you yet, i understand that they are very busy right now. So, glad you decided to use this forum. First of all, just to let you know that i, for one, have had panic disorder and agoraphobia for 30 years! No way to get into the history of all that right now. The debilitating panic was 'gotten rid of' with the help of valium for the first 8 years. Coming off of that medication was a true nightmare. Since 1982, i have conducted my entire life within a 5 or 6 block area span. Regarding medication, i did not want to take anything after such a horrific time coming off valium, and eventually gave in to taking an anti-depressant at some point. (did alot a reading and realized that this type of med. would not be addictive) It helped to a degree, but at that time i was so far-gone with being 'sensitized' 24 hrs. a day. Later on, after being in therapy for a while and learning many skills in my own training to become a therapist, i was able to venture outside alot more and feel alot less fearsome. About 7 years ago, when i went through an incredible depression which lasted a year, i took Zoloft (anti-depressant) which , i have to say, saved me! (doesn't work the same way for everyone) Was on that for 8 months....no withdrawal. Have not been on medication of that type since. I think you said something about the 'other drugs making life worse', is that right? Do you mean the ativan? In what way? I know quite a bit about valium, librium, xanax, and ativan...all being the same 'type' of drug. I work with addiction and i would suggest you find out some information about what you're taking on the internet. If you're not feeling 'right' with ativan, check it out there. I know that if you find the searchengine called "Google" and type in Ativan/addiction/withdrawal,etc. or whatever you need to know about it...you'll find alot of information. I find it is so important to look into these things ourselves and make 'informed' decisions, and i learned that after a doctor advised me to take the valium, so many years ago, telling me it was just like taking aspirin!! oboy! You ask if this program can work for someone with bi-polar. I would say it will help enormously! If the medication you are taking for the bi-polar evens you out and you feel good about that...then there's no reason why you can't apply yourself to these lessons. And, by the way, GOOD FOR YOU for even getting up to Lesson 3, the way your are feeling!!! I really mean that! While you're working this program, go easy on yourself. You have had so much to deal with since you were five yrs.old! See if you can talk to yourself and treat yourself as you would a frightened five yr. old. Don't expect gigantic changes overnight...i've learned not to and it feels SO much better. About being sober for 13 months. I am intimately familiar with A.A. and all the 12 step programs.(i have been in one myself since 1982, for eating disorders.) My closest friend has 28 yrs. of sobriety! Of course, many people there won't want to hear about panic...they just don't understand what it is. That's okay. I know you had a slip, but i think it's so healthy to think of it as 'continuing' with your sobriety, rather than 'starting all over'. And if you have agoraphobia, it's so 'normal' to feel you need to have your husband or sponsor there. I am also a smoker, been smoking since i am 13. I have made two attempts at quitting, the last one being about 8 yrs. ago. Planning to try again soon, and i have to be honest...i'm dreading it. So, of course, i am trying to use the self-talk in order to stop dreading this. It's such a tough one, this addiction to cigarettes. I have no idea about whether it's a good idea to set a random date for quitting. If something in me FELT READY to quit, i'd set a date. If i felt i was willing to put out the effort. Realistically, if i was completely resistant to stopping, i wouldn't set some random date, and maybe end of feeling like a big failure. In this area, i might not be the best person....perhaps someone who was as addicted as i have been and who has actually overcome it! Okay, that's about it for now. I really do hope something i've said can help you in some way. God bless you and be kind to yourself, please. Lindi

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Linda

Hi EPONA:

You have a good support system here. We care about all of us and we DO understand and have empathy for you.

Love the name, EPONA; can't figure out what it means. Anything meaningful behind it?

If it wouldn't bother you to see someone with depression or panic in a movie, I want to suggest a funny movie I've seen over the years. "What about Bob?", is an old movie starring Bill Murray who visits a psychiatrist played by Richard Dreyfus. "Bob" has anxiety, depression, obsessive compulsive disorder, you name he has it. Richard Dreyfus has written a book called "Baby Steps" which Bill Murray takes to heart. Anyway, it is really funny and I rent it at least once a year.

Laughter really helps me. I hear myself sometimes tell myself, "baby steps, just take baby steps".



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Always Hopeful, Betsy H.
Marietta, GA (East Cobb)

EPONA:

Give your husband a BIG hug for standing by you. He sounds like a good guy. Some people are not as fortunate as you appearantly are.

Betsy

Thank you again Linda and Betsy, You are right on all accounts and i am looking up meds on site.

This is how my years go on meds. In 1994 I had a hysterectomy due to tumor, they left ovary and said I would not need homones (ha), had a nervous breakdown six months later(ps,have 2 sisters who are nurses). From there the medication, institutions(from suicide attempts started), and i totally relate to tape 3 where the lady is terrified of being hospitalized again...I went to hospitals 3 times involuntary, and numerous times on my own due to panic from different meds, all wrong...

I have studied the meds (after the fact) and was on clonipin, xanax, elavil(deadly combo), prozac, zoloft, paxil, and now ativan. My goal is to get off all except neurontin, and possibly use an antidepressant which is something in the past has just made me more agoraphobic(paxil) in particular i could not leave the house for one year.

You give me so much hope, and i am not going to worry about the smoking right now. i have made a smaller goal just to write everyday in journal.

epona is a name given to me by my great grandmother, a nickname which has stuck. it is Celtic, horse goddess. my nana was irish and i swore i would never live in the fear she did, guess what!

thank you for the words of encouragement, and i am going to study withdrawal from ativan.

love epona

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hi lindi, ahhh, brain atrophy, 18 month anxiety and shaking and withdrawal. The info is scary, however, i will float and flow right now. love epona

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Hi Epona, Lindi here. I know reading about certain drug withdrawal can feel very scary. But to NOT tell you what i know, as i said, would be so irresponsible. Keep in mind that it isn't SO horrible for everyone! It depends on so many variables. Have you been taking ativan for many years? Just recently? If and when you decide to go off it, don't ever do what i did, which was 'cold turkey' and that was even in a controlled environment...a treatment centre!! Do not scare yourself. You don't have to, really. I hope you have a relatively peaceful day, filled with all kinds of hope! love....Lindi P.S. What is mentioned about 'withdrawal' does not happen with every individual.

thanks Lindi, you are right, and the day is going peaceful. I have been on ativan for a little over a year. The doctor switched me from something "less addictive" to ativan, what a joke. I am glad you gave me the info, truly, just like to scare myself, and that is "Just A Thought". I plan on moving slowly, and keeping informed. It's that "I'm so smart I'm stupid" thought. Denial as my husband says is not a river in Egypt. And, no i promise not to quit cold turkey, i don't like seizures. love epona

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Hi EPONA.
I can only say that I am trying the program, and have been trying this web-site. I feel alot of the time that I'm in highschool again, or a chatroom with a "click". Everyone seems to know everyone-which is kind of what I was looking for. But when you feel like the "goofhead" and the one who doesn't have anything constructive to say, it gets you down. Anyway, I wish you luck. Write Ing

hi ing, i know that feeling, but keep on keeping on. i believe because i see so much positive, and so much honesty on this forum. it has helped me, truly. until i reached out there was no one, just a vague spot that this program would work. these are real people giving us their experience, strength, and hope. hang in there. i am new also and taking a risk, looking like an idiot. that is what growth is. what is different about the forum, compared to chat room is no one is lying(that i have seen), chat rooms are not always about reality. we must be honest with ourselves which is the hardest part for me and i am learning how to do that here.
take care, be gentle on yourself, hard for us i know...blessings janet

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