It has taken me over three weeks to get the courage to write in here. I'm not sure what Im looking for? Guidance I guess. I got this program in March of 2008. I started it, made it to the Session 3. and after major family issues (which are constant although I moved across the country to escape the nuttiness), I stopped doing the program, and had an anxiety and depression filled summer '08. When I nearly dropped out of school in the fall due to the daily panic attacks, I started the program again around October. I got to session 3 and gave up by Thanksgiving, although all the while I tried to apply what I learned, even though I beat myself up for failing, and kept saying "I know this program can save my life, what's wrong with me? I hate living like this but I wont fix it." I am feeling so hopeless nowadays. My depression is kicking my butt, and the daily anxiety well its hell. It's a hell I am used to but I despise every second of it. 5 or 6 weeks ago, I started the program from the beginning and thought this time I will do it "correctly", which I know there is no right or wrong way, and the tapes even say just do the best you can. Im stuck on Session 3 again. I know I am a negative thinker. I do not want to keep track of my thoughts. They scare me. I got a new little notebook, but I just wont write in it. I want to skip that part because it gives me anxiety to think about stopping and writing every negative thought, because I will never stop writing them. I have made progress in my external life somewhat (not recently), and I try to concentrate on the good things, but my brain is so powerful. I really feel like there is no way out for me. I'm losing friends again and becoming a homebody again. Cant get out of bed. And then I look at my workbook or anxiety cd by the dvd player and feel like a failure. Like by now, I could be functionable but I am not. Should I skip to Session 4??? Has anyone ever had trouble passing a session? I understand that I dont have to do it perfectly but I can not internalize that. Even when I am outside having a panic attack, I know what to do, what to tell myself but the anxiety voice seems so much louder. I feel like Im going insane with the battle of thoughts. I force feed the positive, and negative is so ingrained, oh man, I just feel hopeless.

I totally understand how you feel. I hate to have to write down my thoughts but I find that once you write it down it doesn't seem so bad anymore. For me it helps me get rid of it. Don't read it after you write it just get it out. I have a shredder to get rid of the evidence of my bad thoughts and find that that helps also knowing that no one is ever going to find them and think badly of me. Good luck and I hope this helps you.

Don't quote me on this but I think Lucinda says to just forge ahead each week doing your best and to not feel like you have to Master each week before you move on because each week keeps building and building on each other.What doesn't click in week 3 may totally click on week 4. I am encouraged by that since I tend to get perfectionistic and give up easy. So I am pressing on and doing my best on week 3 inspite of it all. I really like the idea of shredding my negatives right away. It's Wayyyy to hot out to get the fireplace going hahaha. I just hate the idea of letting one week get me stuck and held up from having a new great life. I keep praying that stay my focus.
Press on!!

Jill~

thank you for responding. I realized that I did the best I could on Session 3 and moved on. My perfectionism crap was really scaring me into staying put. I feel better that Ive kept going, and I am still trying my best to apply what Ive learned in the previous sessions. It is easy for me to get overwhelmed and feel like theres so much info that I need to remember, but I'm just taking it easy and doing the assignments.

I had the same problem with session 3 I kept asking myself am I doing it right . the main thing is the awareness to negative thinking thats how the whole process starts to heal you. yea so many negative thoughts can't stop or control them go with it like session 2 and 3 tells you Just stay stop a wait a moment the change the best you can to soothing thoughts. I know it is a uphill strugle and doesnt thing you are making progress but just being aware of your negative thoughts is a start. It O K You took a long time to get this way. Quit beating youself up about your negative thoughts You've atarted on the road to bigger and better things Just beleive. wendel

# is very dificult. The spiral note book seems impossible. I am going to try, but I have never been one to journal or keep diaries. I kept diaries when I was younger, but what I wrote was quite frightening. This will be new for me, but I will try. Has anyone manage to document all his/her negative thoughts?

I just started session 3. The top message is very scary, I am reading about myself from another person.That message is me. I started 3 last night. I am having a hard time. I was like I can not do this. I would have to sit, and write everything I said and thought all day everyday that is not possible what do i do.

I understand about writing everything. There's no way I'm going to write down every negative thought I have, but I have been recognizing them when I have them. I say "hey, that was a negative thought. I didn't know I thought that way." I then I say, "that's not realistic." May sound simplistic, but it's working for me for the moment.

Another thing that I did yesterday was take a blockage I have and expand on it, digging a little deeper. A whooping negative thought was beneath it. I have a slight agoraphobia and have a lot of blockages (anxiety) to starting new things. I was afraid to learn how to use my new sewing machine!! I go through this kind of stuff every day! So, finally, I asked myself why do I not want to learn? My answer was "because I can't do it, I won't do it right, I will fail." I let the conversation go on to "I am not good enough. I am unworthy. I am worthless." Wow. That major negative thought is what is keeping me from using my new sewing machine, as well as a hundred other things.

Of course this thought is unrealistic and I had to tell myself positive things, reminding myself that I am worthy. I am worthy of being here, living my life as the unique individual that I am. And then reminding myself that when I try new things they usually work out to some satisfying end. And when they don't, I find a new way that brings them to a satisfying end. Then I felt better.

I just wanted to encourage everyone to keep a journal and try to write things down regarding the negative thoughts. This can be so important later on when you get to the session on making changes. It gives us much insight as to what, why, and how we need to change. The daily journal will give you insight into what patterns keep coming up over and over in your thinking. Themes emerge and you will realize what may be holding you back.
OrangePoppy- Great self talk! Reminding yourself of previous new things that did work out and telling yourself that even if they didn't you were able to find a new way is something your brain will believe and is realistic. I can see why you felt better.

Thank you, Mary, I will begin to write things down. I have found that bringing attention to the anxiety that I feel has been healing at times, but also unbearable at other times. When this happens I give myself a rest from it. I hope this approach has worked for others who have completed or almost completed the program.

By the way, I learned how to use my sewing machine. Very satisfying. :-)

I totally understand how you feel and I can relate. I've heard of the Abraham books, such as, "The Law of Attraction," "Ask And It Is Given," etc., which basically, like "The Secret," tells you that you can have anything you want because what you think is so powerful that it will make things materialize. That terrified me because I knew I had the power to pull in the bad by just thinking about it, which is absolutely true, but the good thing is that a positive thought is 1,000 times more powerful than a negative thought.

I've been stuck on lesson 3 as well. I actually bought the program in January of 2005 (so DON'T feel like a failure, hahaha!) and in May of this year I picked it up again. Previously I made it to session 2 and I guess because the chapter was called panic attacks, for some reason I figured that I should be able to control my panic after lesson 2. Of course, that didn't happen, so I lost interest. Soon after, I moved, put the program in a closet and didn't think of it again.
Several years went by and I was completely isolated due to anxiety. Actually, I couldn't leave the house. I hated the anxiety condition, I was miserable, but didn't start the program. Like you, I'd have a panic attack while the program just sat in the corner and I wondered how I could hate how I felt so much but couldn't find the willpower to continue the program. I suppose it's not having enough faith or confidence in the help that is available, and feeling like we don't have the strength to change, since changing would mean developing new, constructive habits, which seem too difficult. Since April of this year, there have been all sorts of negative issues, which have diluted my determination to complete the program. But I'm going to try to stick with it this time. I think about how I would have almost completed the program before now had I continued, but we beat ourselves up in this manner. It has not been the right time for you to complete the program till now, otherwise it would have happened. Don't feel bad for having difficulty, everything happens as it should.

I hated writing down my thoughts also. I'd write down a couple a day. It's been extra hard to correct my thoughts since my boyfriend and I have taken a break from our relationship. But I discovered that when I felt sick on my stomach, or panicky or sad or angry, I'd write down what I felt. On a new line, I would place an asterisk (next to the positive) and write a statement (sentence or even a paragraph) comforting myself with hope and reassurance (not extreme, but more optimistic), the way you would talk to a scared or unhappy person you care about. I actually discovered that it soothed my physical symptoms and temporarily I felt a lot better. I'd have to do it again every hour or few hours, but I have found that it really does help and initially I thought the whole concept was BS! You can go back and read where you placed the asterisk (bypassing your negative thoughts completely) and find that it will make you feel a lot better!

It is scary at first when you think about your thoughts and write them down - but you'll desensitize yourself over time and will not be affected by them anymore. You just have to face it for a little while and counter them with a positive statement; humor the program and just try it. It will feel scary and ridiculous, but it gets better. As long as you avoid getting close to your thoughts or your fears, they will have the power to control you. Only when you confront them will you truly have freedom. Remember what FEAR is: False Evidence Appearing Real

P.S. Here are some examples of what I wrote in my book:
"I'm afraid to exercise because my heart rate goes up and it stays elevated for a while afterward."
* My heart is healthy and has been checked out by numerous doctors and there are no problems. In fact, the more I exercise, the less I will be affected because as the heart grows stronger, it doesn't have to work as hard, and therefore it beats slower.

"I'm afraid I won't talk to him again! I feel awful! Is it really over??"
* He will call. He calls every single day. If it were really over, it would be clear. Things are just difficult at the moment. I am a special person who is very generous and I constantly strive to improve myself. He won't find someone like me again, and if he thinks so, he deserves to find out for himself and I shouldn't want him! Everything will be ok, just have to hang in there for a little while.

See? I think the KEY is not necessarily how you would talk to your friend, but HOW YOU WOULD WANT YOUR FRIEND TO TALK TO YOU. The very things that would comfort you or what you feel you need or would like to hear. That is true compassion for yourself. Taking care of yourself, sort of by letting your friends speak to you through your own thoughts and your own voice. You are your good friend.

(When I heard her talk about talking to yourself like you would comfort your friend, that made me think, "Well, I don't know what I'd say to a friend, I don't even know if I'm a good friend.") LOL.

Hi. I am new to the program. I share a little of the inability to get passed session 3. My husband really has to nudge me. I am not the best advice giver, but have you tried just making a small mark in your notebook every time you have a negative though? Maybe instead of writing down the negative though, just keep track by making a little mark on your paper. We have so many negative thoughts it seems a little silly to write down every single one you know? I myself have not written my thoughts down, I keep them in my head, but try to change them right away. Challenge myself...for every negative thought I have to pause and make that negative a positive.

Something to try. Let me know if this helps at all. And by the way, you are not even close to being a failure, just the fact that you are giving this another try makes you so spectacular!

Thank you so much everyone for writing in here. I have been very troubled lately with "man the tools are just sitting there...what is keeping me from them?" I am so tired of being tired. I am not taking my meds consistantly, not sleepin well, eating well (meaning overeating), drinking enough water, ect. I'm just not taking care of myself. I am disgusted sometimes that I have let myself be so tangled up in my issues. And then I have to remember what my pastor said..."Conviction is when the Lord gentley corrects. Condemnation does not come from God. It whispers, "I am a failure because _________. I should have____________."" I now have hope again that I can be relaxed in my life without having to remind myself to let go of my muscle tension. And I am thankful for the warning that the Lord is giving me right now to gently change direction in my life. Be encouraged.

I STARTED the program in August.I am having trouble with lesson 3. I have trouble writing down my negative thoughts.and making them positive. I feel overwelmed and discouraged.It seems like I don't have enough time in the day to do everything in the workbook assignments.I feel like I having more anxiety this lession.What should I do ? Sabby.

I found that writing down the negative thoughts and taking the time to dispute them is key to recovery. First, by writing them down, you slow down your mind and get the thoughts out of your head. Second, by seeing them on paper, it allows you to be able to identify any unhealthy thinking such as catastrophizing etc. Third, by putting the thoughts into words, you learn to really hear what it is you are thinking. This was key to me because often times the thoughts would come so fast and frequently that I couldn't identify what I was thinking, I just knew it made me feel bad.

I don't believe it is realistic that any off us are going to learn to be perfect healthy thinkers all the time. I think the goal here is to figure out what you are saying and turn it into something healthy - healthy, not neccessarily happy. Eventually it becomes a habit and the healthy trend replaces the unhealthy one. Don't aim to think perfectly, aim to keep getting back on the horse when you fall off and have an unhealthy thought. I found it took a lot of pressure of me to know that I didn't have to always think in a positive way but instead simply vow to develope the skills to help me think in a healthy way.