I just wanted to make a post to encourage everyone out here that help is on the way. I've been strugling with stress and anxiety for many, many, years now. Too long.. Today is day one of the second week, sitting in my office and getting prepared to make that hated trip. I have to go and return an item to a large department center, wait in line, deal with the cashier, minus a receipt. NBD, I will go and come back with the desired result. Last week I decided to do the grocery shopping for my house. Not only did I go to the back of the grocery store, but I went through every isle until I was satisfied that I had found every bargain. Next, I went to the competitor grocery store, through the whole place to find every bargain, and wound up talking with someone in the store for an extended period of time. Whew, After this, I went to ANOTHER store just to buy the bread and snacks. Oh, I felt some anxiety, and I laughed at it, mostly. I still get anxious thinking about going to the mall, so I may save that for later in the week.

I haven't had a full blown anxiety attack for a long time now, but I still do worry about it some. We have a family vacation planned for June to Disneyland, and NO WAY am I thinking about getting on that plane. Though, have flown 3-4 times in the last couple of years. Mostly when I get on the plane the beer starts to flow, then the bourbon. By the time I get off the plane, I don't feel anything. I've made up my mind that this time I will go free from all of that.

A couple of weeks ago the president of the united states came out to Billings where I live to speak to us. It was in the Metra, a large building that hosts sporting events. On the way we were stopped in traffic for an extended period of time to wait for his motor cade to pass. I couldn't go anywhere, and I had my family in the truck with us. I simply turned the motor off, and then stood on the fender to see the action ahead of us. During the presentation I got those feelings, and decided that we should leave. I made up an excuse that we would be able to go and see Air Force One, then run down town to see him come into his motel. "sorry so long winded here" Anyway, driving up I felt some relief, hey, I had gone, hadn't I? After seeing the plane, we hurried down town to watch GW come past us, we were 4 of maybe 10 people on the curve. He sits up in his chair, and gives us a big thumbs up and a wonderful encouraging smile. My wife took a picture at that exact moment. Then I did something unexpected, I went under the yellow police tape? Walked up to one of the secret service men, and asked. "Is the hotel open, can we go in?" Amazed, he said yes. So here I am, playing this off to the hilt. We go in and everyone is hungry, so no problem, we'll just get something to eat here. "My 7 year old said we're going to eat at the presidents house" lol Facing the hotel, I took a deep breath and walked in. Well, guess where the resteraunt is? 20th floor, and it's all windows. Worse, I would have to ride the elevator up to get there. You know I wanted to find the stairs and explain to my family a brisk walk would be good for us. lol Instead, I simply got on, said it was OK and went for it. When we got up to the resteraunt, we looked around and everyone wanted to stay and eat. You know I said no, and shared with them that I have a fear of hights. My 9 year old (I have both girls, wonderful kids) proclaims, oh it's no big deal and walks over to the window. SIGH, I wanted to run down the stairs to the car. But, I didn't. I shook it off and decided we would in fact stay and have a long, quite, sit down dinner. Then I decided to go over and look down out of the window. OMG! My legs went weak, my heart began to race, and I started to feel that oh so familiar doubt. I thought to myself, what are you afraid of? Are you going to jump through the window? Laughing, I then stood back up in front of the window and took in the view. Sat down patiently, and had my dinner. When I got home, I felt terrific about it. I've done this more than one time, but it doesn't seem to last. There's always something that sends me back into my depression, but that's about to end.

Sorry for such a long first post, and thank you to everyone who contribute here. When I think back, as far as I can remember, I've always had anxiety. And I have had a couple of anxiety attacks, one that sent me to the hospital.

Thanks for listening.

Dano

Hi Dano,
I just read your post and it was great. Like you I have done much the same. You diffientally have to do it to get through it. I just posted a topic about how to get past that wall, I think you just answered it as much as I don't want to acknowledge the fact in order to totally recover we must put ourselves in the situations we dread the most a little at a time. I know the pain I'm in now but moving into unfamiliar territory is hard as you well know. I have a driving struggle, I am on the road again, but I haven't been able to get past a certain point. I sorta trap myself in my mind. Iam in topic 3 under fear of driving. I have conquered alot of areas but drivinvg seems to be really hard for me cus you must be in control when you drive. You should really be proud of your accomplishments, keep up the good work. If you have any suggestions for me let me know.
Bye Backcomb

quote:

Originally posted by Backcomb:
Hi Dano,
I just read your post and it was great. Like you I have done much the same. You diffientally have to do it to get through it. I just posted a topic about how to get past that wall, I think you just answered it as much as I don't want to acknowledge the fact in order to totally recover we must put ourselves in the situations we dread the most a little at a time. I know the pain I'm in now but moving into unfamiliar territory is hard as you well know. I have a driving struggle, I am on the road again, but I haven't been able to get past a certain point. I sorta trap myself in my mind. Iam in topic 3 under fear of driving. I have conquered alot of areas but drivinvg seems to be really hard for me cus you must be in control when you drive. You should really be proud of your accomplishments, keep up the good work. If you have any suggestions for me let me know.
Bye Backcomb

Thank you for the reply, I appreciate the kind words. It went rather well, and I felt good about it. For no particular reason, I ran another errand this evening.

Once when I was driving, after my first panic attack, I thought I was going to lose control. The light in front of me was about to change, so I started to hit the gas a little, thinking better of it I stomped on the brakes. Not knowing a car was right behind me and was going to come through the light with me. Needless to say the guy was pissed, and I was completely freaked out about it. He followed me around a couple of blocks honking his horn repeatedly until I stopped at a light. I got out and put my hands up in the air and said sorry, my mistake. He cussed at me then got back in his truck and left. Whew.. I also have some fear about long trips in the car, and it's something that I'm going to take care of this weekend, or next week. I think, there's a beautiful place close to where I live, about 60 miles. On my own, some time during the day, I'm going to load up the fishing pole and just go.

I wish that I had some good advice for you, the best thing that I can say is to just do it. Don't think about it, just do it, then a little more, then never look back. You know, you can, I know you can, and I know you will! Something that I just thought of, and not sure if you want to try it or not? But, maybe take the relaxation tape with you and play it? Of course you can only do a part of it, but it would seem to be a way to distract yourself. One other thing that I do to keep my mind off of things is make fun of liscense (gosh my speeling plates of other cars. A lot of people have custom plates, or you can just make something up out of the numbers, letters.

Let me know how it goes, and if you ever need anyone to talk to? Feel free to drop me an email at any time!

Dano

Hey backcomb, just wondering how things are going for you? Just got back from a long semi-relaxing walk with the dog. I say semi, as he's a full grown Boxer with all of his faculties in order. Yank, pull, tug, whack. LOL

Curious to see if you've given the driving anymore thought? IF so, did you have any (I know that I won't spell this right) anticipatory anxiety over it? Just thinking of taking my long trip has given me some, so now I think I want to take it a step further. Instead of just the 60 mile drive, I want to go over the Bear Tooth mountains, the highest elevation in the West! At least that's what I'm thinking. I've been almost up it once, only to turn around and wimp out.

What say you friend?

Dano

I just read your post and I wanted to say congratulations on trying so hard! I'm impressed! I was wondering if you ever feel immense guilt about your family and your panic. It just about brings me to tears to think of all the things we have missed out on as a family because I was too afraid. I have a 2 yr old and a very supportive husband and if it wasn't for them I would never leave the house! I know what you mean about the drinking too, my husbands job requires us to do a lot of socialising with his co workers and I make sure to get a good buz before we even leave the house. I have always been one of those drinkers that can be close to passing out and I just start getting silly so I haven't yet made a fool out of myself at one of his parties. Do you get flack from you wife for drinking the plane ride away? Let me know.

darlene

Hi Dano Colt,
It's me agian, backcomb. Iam on tape 12 I don't know if I mentioned that to you before. I have figured out what my secondary gains are. Now I must break through the wall of anxiety. I feel it is better for me to do it in small repetitious implements everyday if possible over and over again to build building blocks, rather than to just go for it. In the past if I have a bad setback it takes me back alot. I have recovered from many areas doing it in this manner. It just takes alot of time and patience. I guess I'm always looking for an easier method and less painful way. In answer to your question, I almost always have alot of anticapatory and I deal with alot of physical pain. I comes out in my body in all kinds of ways, NOT FUN!!!The key to recovering from a limitation is to put yourself in it over and over, til you no longer feel any fear or anxiety. I used to have a restaurant problem and it took me a year or more to get over it. I left many a restaurants. Now I look back and I can't believe I ever had the problem. That is what is so weird. I sure hope you are able to do what to are trying to achieve. Be careful not to set your expectations to high though. Do not be to hard on yourself. Keep me posted on how you do, I will be praying for you.
Talk to you soon, I'm looking for a major growth spurt, BYE BACKCOMB

quote:

Originally posted by darlene:
I just read your post and I wanted to say congratulations on trying so hard! I'm impressed! I was wondering if you ever feel immense guilt about your family and your panic. It just about brings me to tears to think of all the things we have missed out on as a family because I was too afraid. I have a 2 yr old and a very supportive husband and if it wasn't for them I would never leave the house! I know what you mean about the drinking too, my husbands job requires us to do a lot of socialising with his co workers and I make sure to get a good buz before we even leave the house. I have always been one of those drinkers that can be close to passing out and I just start getting silly so I haven't yet made a fool out of myself at one of his parties. Do you get flack from you wife for drinking the plane ride away? Let me know.

darlene

I'm beginning to find out that the next day after drinking, I'm at my worst. Last night I had several beers and a couple of shots. I don't feel terrible this morning, but I do know that I gave my wife a lecture last night. Sigh, she'll be mad at me for the entire week, unless I go out of my way to do something nice. So, to answer your question, YES, she hates it when I drink anything. I'm not a hostile mad drunk, more of a laid back and have fun type.

I don't intend to drink at all on my vacation, other then a beer or two with my best friend at a baseball game. MLB

Dano

P.S. I almost forgot to answer your question, I do have some regrets of things missed with the family. However, most of the major things, functions, I have attended. School plays, water park, things like that. I do miss a dinner out from time to time, or a movie. Most of the movies they like I don't care for.


[This message has been edited by DanoColt (edited 04-18-2001).]

quote:

Originally posted by Backcomb:
I'm looking for a major growth spurt, BYE BACKCOMB

This is the third or fourth time I've seen something posted about growth spurts. Can someone fill me in, or am I supposed to wait until I reach that point in the program?

Dano

Thanks for the reply, I am only on week three and beating myself up for things I don't do to perfection is a huge issue for me. I have seen a lot about growth spurts but so far in week three I haven't had one. Good luck on your vacation!

darlene

quote:

Originally posted by darlene:
Thanks for the reply, I am only on week three and beating myself up for things I don't do to perfection is a huge issue for me. I have seen a lot about growth spurts but so far in week three I haven't had one. Good luck on your vacation!

darlene

You hang in there, and don't be so hard on yourself. Today is day two of my quiting smoking, cold turkey, YIKES, but hey, I can do it. If not? I'm not going to get all over myself about it, I've smoked for at least 20 years, only been trying to quit for a couple.

Dano

If I wasn't so good at being hard on myself I don't know what I would do with all my spare time! Just kidding, I am lighteing up more and more. I find when I get into playing with my daughter I forget about myself and I become a kid too and that has helped a lot. The only thing to help me 100% to say good bye to cigs was getting pregnant and being a stay at home mom. I quit for 9 months and once I got that time behind me and a whole new habit of being a mommie I just didn't look back. I do admit now and then when I see someone smoking I start to drool, then I think about the smell and black tarry lungs. Yup that does it. Good luck, you are taking on a lot this month!
darlene

quote:

Originally posted by darlene:
If I wasn't so good at being hard on myself I don't know what I would do with all my spare time! Just kidding, I am lighteing up more and more. I find when I get into playing with my daughter I forget about myself and I become a kid too and that has helped a lot. The only thing to help me 100% to say good bye to cigs was getting pregnant and being a stay at home mom. I quit for 9 months and once I got that time behind me and a whole new habit of being a mommie I just didn't look back. I do admit now and then when I see someone smoking I start to drool, then I think about the smell and black tarry lungs. Yup that does it. Good luck, you are taking on a lot this month!
darlene

Thanks Darlene, day three now and haven't had even a puff. It's not easy, but I didn't expect that it would be. I'm feeling a little better every day, and looking forward to the rest of the program. I'll begin week three on Monday, someone mentioned that part had to do with driving in a car. I can remember some anxiety on trips, so that will be my goal next week. I was going to try and take a long drive this week, and even go over a mountain that I had chickened out of once. They won't open up the trail for another month, they still have A LOT of snow up their.

I've found that keeping myself busy prevents me from taking the time to tear myself down. I also loose myself in playing with my kids, yesterday my youngest had a school sing along in the gym. You know how much we LOVE to be in crowded closed rooms, with a lot of PEER pressure!!! Hey. I went early, helped setup the chairs, helped greet, passed out cookies for 1/2 after the hour long program. They're 6th graders and sang songs from all over the world, my daughter *Tasha* was Kenya. Anyway, during the middle or so of the program, I felt a little anxious. Thought about how dumb that was, breathed a little, then forgot about it. Whew, I even laughed at it a little. When you think about it, this is all something made up by ourselves, in our own minds. Some of us have had a hard time, and maybe even incidents in their life that bring this on. Others may even have inherited it, Me? I think I have both, honestly. And I don't think any of it if my fault. I'm so thankful and happy to have found this program, even the simple life tools that I've learned to this date have helped my tremendously. I can only imagine how wonderful I'm going to feel when I complete the program! LOL, now I sound like I should be selling it. :P

Be well, be strong, you are your own safe place, and you can do this. I KNOW you can, and I'll be here to help you in any way that I can.

Dano
coltsinsider@home.com

Hi Darlene, sorry for not replying to your email (s) with anything other than short remarks. I'm on week three now. So, I guess that I'm supposed to move to that forum now!

Just wanted to drop you a note to let you know that I'll remain in contact with you.

Dano