Hello there, I just received the program last Monday. I had 2 great days where I felt like there is a name for what I have.

My anxiety is now getting worse. I get a knot in my stomach just getting in the car and driving to a friends. Any encounter with another person terrifies me.

I am a mother of 2 children, 4 and 9 months with a husband deployed in Iraq. I feel out of control. My biggest cause of my anxiety is disciplining my 4 year old in front of people. She is a difficult child but becoming a mother has intensified my anxiety. I feel like the whole world is watching. I have3n't got a confident bone in my body and I think my 4 year old knows it. I get more anxious and have more symptoms when I'm around other parents. As if they are judging my every word and move. Can I get over this? I have become the worst version of myself. I am angry and yell and use bad words and NEVER did in the past.

Any thoughts on if my husbands deployment magnifying my anxiety. I know I am much more stressed. Who wouldn't be?
Thank you for listening.

Hi K,
I am sorry you are feeling so confused and turned around. I have been there. I have 2 small girls, 2 and 4, and just like you I am not the version of me I thought I would be. On top of being a full time mom, you are alone without your husband for support and help and companionship. My husband worked a 24 hour shift-he did mechanical work at day and had a tow truck at night-so he was here but not often. He was in reach most times, so I cant imagine how you are feeling with your husband so far away and in a bad area at a bad time. Dont be so hard on yourself. Of course his going away has increased your anxiety. I'm sure you are scared on top of missing him and having a lot of responsibility. Do the program. It can teach you a lot of great tools to cope with stress. I yell at my kids way more than I ever thought I would. I then feel so guilty I tend to get depressed. It is a viciuos cycle. The program has helped me break it. I get into it still on occasion, but not as much and not for as long. I also felt more prone to having an anxiety attack around people once I got the program and knew that this was indeed what I was suffering from. I still get that feeling of fear if I dwell on it. And I have had panic attacks around people!! The funny thing is they did not even know. I left the room, talked myself down and got back to the group and just did what I had to. You can get past this. Take your time. Dont worry about what other moms may think. I found that even the most composed mothers loose it from time to time. Do what your heart tells you to do. Go with what you feel is right and dont question it out of fear of others peoples thoughts. They are your kids and you know best what needs to be done. Take small steps and dont get discouraged. It takes time to heal. Keep posting. This is a great support system and we all know what you are feeling. Good Luck to you and your family.

I think it's a very difficult task to be an anxious parent. I am the mother of a 2 year old. I too, get very anxious to visit friends homes. I feel so much guilt. I wish I could go more places, do more things, and do them with friends and family. The thing that keeps me plugging away at the program (third time) is the hope that soon I'll be free of anxiety and panic attacks. Good luck to all!

Thank you so much. I'm having some really difficult times with my daughter. My friends have suggested I take her to a child psychologist. But, I decided one thing at a time... I have yet to see anyone for my anxiety. I am going to make an appointment tomorrow.

I am afraid that they will suggest medication and I'm the most anti-medication person on earth. Can anyone give me some info on meds? I just know I will flush them down the toilet.

Again, thank you for your support. K

K,
Do you mind my asking what kind of problems? I know that with my 2 girls, if my anxiety is high, so is theirs. They tend to act out more when my mood is bad. Helps a lot with my guilt issues!! It is so hard raising kids with this condition, but if we take our time and go slow we can do it. Do you compare all the time to others? I did, but I have stopped. THat was really increasing my symptons. I did not want to be judged. Now, I do what I know is best for them. If you need to take you child to see someone, do it. Dont be afraid. You dont need to tell anyone if you dont want to. Maybe you can learn a few things there, too. What is meant to be will be. Believe in yourself and your judgement. If you dont, no one else will, either. Good Luck to you.

My2girlz15,

The problems are I am a softy. Dad is the hard one. And he is gone. I also have a thing with confidence in speaking and that includes to my 4 year old. She just turned 4 and she is getting smarter, stronger (physically) and I feel like she bumped her bad behavior up a notch and I'm out of ideas.

She's always been mean. But, she was nice 90% of the time. Now, she is nice maybe 5% of the time. It's to the point that my friends really don't want us around because their kids are picking up the meaness. She doesn't respond to spanking, yelling, taking things away.

The other day at a friends of course, she did something and I said "we're going home." She threw herself on the floor and screamed and kicked and then tried to kick me. I was so stressed out the I grabbed her by the face and said"I'm sick of you!"

I don't want to take her anywhere because I look like a big loser who can't control their child. If she is tried watch out. Any little thing like skinning her knee will set her off. I physically can't carry her when she's kicking and screaming.

Any suggestions? I tried to just love her yesterday and we had a reasonably good day. I'm trying not to get mad and focusing on staying calm. But, if I'm already anxious about be in public and thinking everyone is watching me, it doesn't help that she totally draws attention to me. She knows she's the boss. I'm too passive to be the partent of an aggressive, strong willed child. I'm losing!
K

Dear K,
Wow, you do have your hands full. I have a friend who has a daughter who can be more mean than not and she yells a lot at her. Im sure she is feeling the lose of her dad and maybe she does not know how to express it. It may not be so bad to check in with her Pediatrician for some advice and maybe they can direct you somewhere. Im sure she is a good kid, maybe her emotions control her and she doesnt know how to handle them at such a young age. Try to be more assertive without loosing it. I know I am making that sound easy. I know it is not. But maybe if you do it consistantly, she will see she is not boss. Reward her good when she does it. If taking away does not work when they are bad, they see rewards when they are good and maybe that will help her see what she should be doing. Dont give into arguing with her. Just like when adults argue, it shows there is no control. If she is laying there kicking and screaming, let her!! Walk away and let her calm down. My 2 year old is good for that. That is how she releases all her emotions. I leave the area. She did it in the mall and wow! did she ever attract attention. As mortified as I felt, I refused to show it. I laughed and carried on best I could. She stopped-not as soon as I woudl have liked! but she did. It is not easy and I wish I could help or had some answers. I can only offer my support and advice. I hope you are well and taking it easy and slow. I will keep you in my prayers. Post again if you need to...I will check in often!

my2girlz15,

Thanks for all the support. I had a great day with my daughter today. I am "killing her with kindness". It seems to be working. I had a great day because I got in touch with a psychologist that can take me and my daughter. I go on Saturday. She wants to get me in order and then work on my daughter.

I feel relief.

Now, here's where my anxiety comes in. Tomorrow my daughter starts preschool. And I'm afraid! Going back to the "what will the other parents think...". I just don't want to get the call to come get her.

I am talking to her over and over about being nice and kind and loving. To listen to the teacher and so on...

Wish us luck. Oh, in the last post I had a typo. I was talking about if she's "tired" watch out. Hope you understood. By the way, preschool falls right at nap time HELP!
Hope you are well, thank you again. K

K,
That is great that you took an important step and you are getting some outside help! Is it possible for you to stay at the school and help or observe? Or do you not want to get into that pattern with her? If you get a call to come get her, just go get her. This happens to other parents at my daughters pre-k and I have to say honestly that I never heard anyone talk about them. People realize that kids are kids and it is hard to raise them. For those that dont realize that and are critical, they are living in a bubble!! See if you cant work on switching her nap time slowly. I have had to do that with bed time. They adjust quickly. Please let me know how things go and email or post if you need someone to listen!! Good luck again...u are doing a good job wether you know it or not!!

my2girls15,

Hey there. I have my first meeting with a psychologist tomorrow. I have had a great week! My daughter's first preschool week was great. I've really been working hard and it's paying off. I am much happier. And so much more fun to be around.

I'm amazed how much time and energy I wasted worrying about housework (how much I had to do and then at the end of the day, how much I didn't get to), whether I said the right things at the right times, rethinking everything.It's exhausting. I have so much energy at the end of the day, I found myself cleaning out the fride at 9:30 the other night. Hope you are well. Take care and thanks for listening. K

K,
Glad to see you are doing better. I hope it all works for you. I'm sure it will. You sound pretty determined! My kids do well when in school and when I am doing well. Even my dog seems happier when I am!! Hope all is well for you.

k,
do not be overly concerned with what others think about your parenting skills and "what other people think"... people are too busy thinking of thier own problems to criticize you as much as you are thinking they are. i hope you have a great day with both of your children tomorrow. they are blessings. i wish i had a couple of children to "put up" with...

I feel really bad for all us who suffer with the weight of anxiety! I had my first panic attack about a year and half after I had my daughter-since then I go through heavy anxiety periods which I'm having now. With-in the last 3month I lost my wonderful father-in-law to cancer {we were all there the moment he passed which didn't help me deal with my fear of death} then I found out my sister and business partern is a very dishonest person which hurts very much and at times seems unbearable, then to top it off I suffered a miscarriage a few weeks ago. I know that we all will deal with things in our life but I'm having a hard time saying o.k to things that our out of my control and because of this I am just paniced out. My body symptomes our out of control, I don't want to go on meds. it scares me but I feel like I'm going a hundred miles a min. Does anyone have any thoughts of encouragement? I would be so grateful! Thank You all

will beat this,

You have a lot going on. Be grateful that you have a name for what you're feeling. I only saw the infomercial a month ago and I've have anxiety for years. It's just magnified with becoming a mother.

I too have had trust issues with my sister. She is deceitful and I haven't spoken to her for over 2 years. I am a mother and I have to protect my family even if it means from my own sister. I don't know what she's capable of.

Enough about me... you CAN DO THIS! You can get through this because you know what it is. Tha is half the battle. You have now the tools to get through anything.

I'm sorry for your losses. Especially the miscarriage, that is very difficult. If you are a believer, PRAY! Listen the the relaxation tape.

(I have to tell you that as I'm trying to help you, I'm helping myself. I've had a setback with my panic attacks. I talked myself out of an attack today and I'm proud of myself!)

You can't control death or your sister but you can control your responses and your thoughts and your reactions. YOU CAN DO IT!!! Try to have a good day. K

Thank you so much!!!! Those were great words of incouragement! I know that you are new in the program but your out look will help you get through the tough time. As you can tell I still have bad days but the skills I've learned-when i'm smart enough to use them-do help. Thank you again for making my day alittle more pleasant!