Well, I've had a very strange weekend. My mom is a graphoanalyst (she analyzes handwriting.....it's a scientific study that can show the traits of people by their handwriting).....well, she finally did my analysis and revealed some things about me that I didn't want to face......how I can be evasive and how I rebell against authority and have low self esteem and low goals....which is sad......and it's all true......of course she told me my good traits too...but she also said how I had some self deception....and didn't face certain realities.....well that night I had the worst nightmare....it was about a tornado coming close to a trailor I was in....and my family members with depression were there and also my two cousins that killed themselves.....well IN teh dream one of my cousins (the one who hung himself) talked ot me......the tornado didn't kill us but we looked out the window at it was coming back.......I hadn't thought about my cousin's deaths that intensely in awhile...I woke up wiht such a bad panice attack...it felt real....then I had rearranged my room and had a table with my glamour pics and flowers on it.....I just kept feeling like I was in a funeral home adn that my bed was a coffin...everytime I looked at those pictures....my sister also attempted suicide by overdosing (which she lived and got therapy)....it just freaked me out.liek I was facing my fears.....like this disease devouring my family....but it really is just a monster in the dark......if the light is turned on adn people are aware about what causes all this then the depression adn anxiety loses it's power.....So I'm trying to use this dream for the good instead of turning it inward....if teh tornado is suicide and depression then I'll just warn everyone about it...it won't destroy my life....It's scary facing yourself but also so rewarding at every victory. BY the grace of God I look at my pictures on the table and talk to them like they are me and I encourage myself. I've always had a hard time looking at myself....but I'm getting better....thankyou midwest center....you're an answer to prayer... So everyone else please tell me about your experiances wiht facing yourself and exposing the Panic for what it really is....a fake monster in the dark blessings, Amber D

Amber
Thank you for sharing. Isnt it amazing how our own minds show us about ourselves. To me, Anxiety was a "thief". You see i mentioned "It Was".
The substance of all the qualities of our lives make us what we are. Anxiety was a "person" to me , who came to steal any joy, peace, comfort , or strength i had. It stole my parts of my family, years of my life, and in return, i was left with just FEAR!
It takes over slowly and methodicaly, making you fear yourself, and everything around you.
So much time for me was wasted giving power to the "thief" which was ME!.
Its so much easier to blame whatever circumstances happen because we dont understand at the time how to deal with hurt, pain, loss.
So, we store it, and point an accusitory finger at the "thief" (anxiety).
And all along, it was my negative, unrealistic thinking adjusting to that pain, loss and hurt, the only way it knew how. Blame!
Learning that didnt have the capabilities for so many years to see ME, and Love Me, and BE ME, was quite an eye opening experience.
Learing anxiety wasnt the "thief", but it was ME.
When we realize life is an accumulation of experiences, good and bad, and we can be healed through them, gives us power, strength, peace, and trully knowing , loving and being who we were meant to be in the first place. Nelly