Hi. I'm new to this forum, and I have a question for anyone out there about how to handle a teen who is having panic attacks. He is 14 1/2 yrs old, and he started having them within a week of his 14th birthday; up until then he seemed like the most easy-going kid...
Then, at the end of this last school year he started having bad attacks and missing school; it was really bad, but somehow we got through it and during the summer he started taking Lexapro for his depression and - after playing with the dosage - that seemed to help. He started high school ok, missed a few days early on but then was doing great. Now all of a sudden they've come back again, and this week he's out for his 4th day straight (the 1st day he had a valid reason to be out, but since then it's been pure panic attacks holding him back).

We've taken him to talk with people, but he just sits there and won't say a word - so after awhile they just say, "Well, unless you want to continue, I don't see that this is going anywhere." I've had people (dr's) say, yes, you're doing the right thing by not forcing him to go to school (which, by the way, I tried last year - but he's a big kid and he just starts panicking and covering his face and screaming when the attack gets real bad, so obviously that wasn't working) - but unfortunately, they can't give me any advice on any proactive things I can do; if he won't go and I can't force him out the door and I can't get him to listen to logic... what can I do to help him??? My dad ordered the program for my son, but he won't use it (although, on the bright side, I've been going through it and am on week 8 now - and it's helped my generalized anxiety immensely, for the most part). He won't open up and tell us what's wrong, he won't tell teachers or doctors what's wrong, he won't go to school... and I just feel helpless because I KNOW it's something he can overcome if he'll just face it instead of running away.

Sorry for the long post, but if anyone has any advice - I'm listening!

Unfortunately we can't force our kids to do anything. But how about just putting in tape #1 and letting it play while you are doing housework or making dinner. If he's in the house he will listen especially when he notices they are talking about him. But I would allow him to think its playing for you and not him. My daughter listened while I listened and it helped her alot. She was only about 11 at that point but she was having stress issues. Now she will take a tape and just listen when she feels stressed out. Panic is a very scary thing. If adults have a problem I can only imagine how a 14 year old must feel because at that age you really dont have much control over your life with parents, teachers, counselors telling you what to do all the time. If finding a better med will help then try it. If he just needs a xanax to get him calmed down enough to go to school then try that. Or tell him he can listen to the program at his own pace and that you wont read his workbook either. Try reward things. If he listens to tape #1 then you'll buy him a new cd or something. I know, bribery istn for everyone but you never know. A little encouragement in that department might be all he needs. Just a thought. Hope things work out well for your son. Im sure he's a great kid just going thru a hard spot.

Reena

Hi! I agree with everything that Reena said, those are all great ideas. I am seventeen, and I've had anxiety and panic attacks since about age eleven, and all I can say is that it will not help to force him to do things. He must do them at his own pace. He is probably scared right now, I know I was when I first started dealing with this. It is important that he is not scared to get better though. I think it says somewhere in the program that the anxiety of staying stuck is much worse than the anxiety of moving forward. I know that that is very true. I think that an incentive for doing the program is a great idea. Think about what he really likes and use that. I'm not saying to take it away from him if he doesn't do the program, but that is a possibility if nothing else works. I don't know if you have ever had a panic attack yourself, but they are terrifying. He is not acting out, and it is nothing intentional - but I'm sure you already know that anyway.

One of the most important things right now for you to do is to try to be his friend if that is possible. It is much better if you don't have to go through it alone.

I hope I helped!
Samantha

Hi,

I just wanted to say thanks for your replies (both of you!). Samantha, I especially appreciated your response since you're closer in age to my son. By the way, when did you start going through the program - and what made you give it a try?

I agree that forcing him won't help, that's why I was looking for suggestions on how to help him. I actually did play part of the lesson 2 tape for him the morning I posted - he shut it off about halfway through, but when I talked with him later he said he was listening to it. (Once the attack is over and he's had a chance to sleep it off, he's usually a bit more willing to talk about it.) I've also left a tape player in his room with the tape in it to listen to when he's ready.

I've been lucky enough to never have panic attacks to the extent he does - I've had more generalized anxiety - but I've seen my anxiety go down so much since I started the program that I know it will help him. One of the things I like most about the tapes is hearing everyone talking about the things they used to do - and being at a point that they can laugh about it now.

I think I will try the reward system, that seems like a good way to get him started - and I think once he gets started, he'll want to continue. He really is a great guy, and hopefully soon he'll be at a point where he can see that.

Thanks again for your responses - they were appreciated! And if you ever need help, I'll do my best to assist.

Hi again! My mom ordered the program for me when I was about twelve. It made me completely better at the time, but I don't think I realized that you have to "maintain" the right ways of thinking. You have to work at making sure you don't slip back into old patterns, like I did. I am currently working with a therapist, in addition to the program, and I am making great progress. The program alone is enough for a lot of people, I think it just depends on the person. Even if you find your son needs additional help, the program will be a HUGE help all on its own.

If you have any other questions for me I would be more than happy to help!

Samantha

I'm so sorry that you are going through this with your son. I truly feel for him. Is it just school that upsets him? I have had panic as long as I can remember. I was 12 when it started getting really bad. I missed school all the time. I ended up in home tutoring. I never went to college. I am 29 now. Anxiety has pretty much ruled my life, so it really hurts me to hear of someone so young going through this. This is thefirst time I have ever heard of someone with anxiety not wanting help though. Maybe it's a guy thing. If he is on meds already and they are not helping his panic maybe the doctor needs to try something else. This program is crucial in my opinion, meds or not. I agree that you should keep doing the program yourself and try to play the tapes while he's around... Or somehow just get him to watch the jump start tape. I'm sure that once he realizes that he's not alone he'll come around. Anxiety produces some very strange scary thoughts, I bet he feels like a freak, or like there is something really wrong with him. Just keep being supportive and try not to get angry with him.
Giselle