Like Lucind has said on the tapes, I feel like my road to recovery is one step forward, two steps back (or is it vice versa?)

I was feeling a lot better, especially after tape/ lesson 3. Then I decided to go back to lesson 2 because I hadn't been doing the workbook, just listening to the tapes and relaxation session.

Omg! Just listening to the tape made my anxiety levels spike! I've really gotten myself into a state, especially at work. I'm terrified of this
person I work with--and for no good reason. She's not my boss, she has no power to do anything to me, I barely even interact with her. But I'm sososo afraid that she'll yell at me, or I'll do something wrong and be embarrassed in front of everyone.

I'm sosososo scared of making a mistake, getting in trouble, yelled at, fired (happened to me once despite me doing the very best job I could--I'm still onbiously not over it)but mostly being rejected and embarrassed.

I barely speak to anyone I work with, not because I don't want to, but because I'm so afraid. I'm sure they think I'm a snobby jerk but I'm so scared.

Please someone tell me I can make this stop. My whole life hangs in the balance and I'm tired of making myself miserable and sick all the time.

Yes, Leda, you can make this stop. You hit on the key word - YOU. You are the one doing this to yourself, and with time and work, you can stop it.

You are doing the best thing you can do by using this program (and whatever else works for you) to confront the anxiety that is stealing your life.

It sounds like you are very hard on yourself. It's a shame that you haven't let any of your co-workers get to know you better. Stick with the program, and you will come to a time when you are willing to give someone a chance.

And you know what, sometimes you will get embarrased. But the best news is that it doesn't really matter. It's not fatal (although sometimes it feels like it is).
Julie

Hey Leda,
We are all scared of something. My fear was being alone at home. Everytime I would get out of work and I knew it was time to go home. I would totally freak out really bad. By the time I would be walking up the stairs and pull out my keys my hands would be shaking just to put the keys in the lock. It was real bad. I also was terrified of going into my sons room..my ex-husband had painted Batman & Robin on one of his walls. And Girl, Batman didnt look like no Batman I ever seen. I was totally terrified. But one day I was forced to stay home all by myself for 3 wks. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. Even though at the time I didnt think so. I faced my fears and I beat them. My advise to you is to take baby steps and reach out to the one person that intimidates you the least..A simple Good morning & goodnight..start of small and work your way up. I wish you luck and I will be praying for you. Let me know how it goes for you..if you decide to take your baby steps. If not all in due time. God Bless!!! Lynn

Leda- I agree with the others! This is not an easy process...it will take time. Put the past behind you (being fired)...there's nothing you can do about that now- you have to look at it as a learning experience. Be confindent in your abilities- believe that you're a strong person and CAN do this!

Ladylynn- Thank you for brightening my day! Your comment about your son's batman room made me laugh! I can only picture what he looked like!
How are you feeling- by the way (fibro and all!)?