I am just starting the second tape on ending panic attacks and am really scared about experiencing my anxiety attacks so I can see that they won't hurt me. I have anxiety over speaking in front of people. I am responsible for conducting a shift briefing at the beginning and end of my work day. I am also am responsible for conducting meetings on occasion. I had never liked speaking in front of people but have always made myself do it anyway and had become pretty good at it. About a year and a half ago, I was conducting a shift briefing and believe I had an anxiety attack in the middle of it. I forgot what I wanted to say and then my head just started shaking. I looked up and remember seeing all these people looking at me. I could not look into there eyes because I was so embarrassed. I ended up wlaking away from the podium, went into a bathroom and threw up. From that point on for three months I continued to make myself do the briefings and continued to have the attacks.

I then began having severe depression. I had to leave work for four months. I have returned to work but contnue my fight with depression and anxiety. My anxiety has moved from just speaking to people to speaking to people in general especially in confrontive situations. I have arranged to have other people do my shift briefings and I even come to work late often to avoid doing them. It does seem that when my depression is not as severe that I can handle my anxiety better.

The one anxiety problem that dominates my thinking is my head begins to shake when I speak in front of and at times to people especially when I look into their eyes. The more I try to make myself do this the more anxiety I get and the more deppressed I get. This brings me back to my original problem. I am really scared to try and face my fear. I worry that if I try and make myself do this that it will only reinforce my anxiety. It's like a vicious circle that I can't break out of.

Any input on this would be appreciated. I am and want to make this program work.

I understand...I cannot speak in front of people. It's the biggest thing I fear and about the only thing I won't do. I get really anxious even just sitting in informal meetings, if I have to say anything! I'm definitely not up to the point of giving speeches...I don't think I could and fortunately my life does not require me to do so. However, I do think this is all part of our recovery in this program. I'm not going to work on that aspect per se, but I know that once I begin to feel better about myself, more reassured about life in general, more confident about my abilities, I see that it's something that I will naturally be able to do if I had to someday (maybe when I'm receiving some award for something great I've done!). And you will to.

I so much want to be able to face this too...and I feel the same way you do about the confidence...do you think it would help to take a public speaking class? I haven't had to do that since school and believe me that was many years ago. But it's gotten to the point where I know I make others at work feel so uncomforable that they have left me out of the planning meetings, etc. It is messing up stuff for me and I am tired of feeling the way I do.

quote:

Originally posted by Hollyb:
I so much want to be able to face this too...and I feel the same way you do about the confidence...do you think it would help to take a public speaking class? I haven't had to do that since school and believe me that was many years ago. But it's gotten to the point where I know I make others at work feel so uncomforable that they have left me out of the planning meetings, etc. It is messing up stuff for me and I am tired of feeling the way I do.

I just spoke at a shift briefing this week. I just made myself do it regardless of the outcome. I was extremely anxious before, during and after but I did it. I even had to cut it short because I began to "lock up" but I did it. I guess I have to accept that it wont be perfect and I just have to keep trying. It's SOOOOOOOOO!!! hard to make myself do it but the alternative is to give up and I cant do that. I am on the fourth week of the course and was hoping these particular issues/problems would be passing but it looks like I have a long way to go still. I'm going to take it slow and keep trying. Let me know if you learn anything new to deal with this and I will let you know. Thank You for replying

I think public speaking is a big fear. I have it, too. Not many don't have it.

My husband speaks to large groups and is videotaped, and uses a teleprompter. The reason I mention him is that over the years I have asked him many questions about whether he's nervous, etc.

The key to any public speaking is "be preparedd". If you could make yourself your own cheat sheet to fill out so your shift breifing could be written down in front of you it might help. Maybe take index cards and follow a script in the beginning.

Unfortunately, until you are at a point where you can try again it will probably grow (in your mind) into something bigger than it has to be. The best thing may be the day you are hit with it without being able to think about it. I think the worrying beforehand is worse than doing it.

I suggest that you start writing in your journal about all the times you gave a shift breifing and didn't panic. Afterwards, write in your journal things like "the people I am breifing are understanding, nice, and caring people. They are on my side. They are probably happy they aren't having to stand up a breif. They look at me with caring eyes. If I fainted or had a heart attack they would be compassionate and help me, etc."

GOOD LUCK!

------------------
Always Hopeful, Betsy H.
Marietta, GA (East Cobb)
Happily Married Walton High (Volunteer) Mom.
Anyone from this area (females only), I would like to find a support person, and be a support person. Maybe meet and walk at school or the park or the Avenue. I get around, not housebound, but I still keep my problem a secret. You know, I look "IN CONTROL" but inside feel far from it.

quote:

Originally posted by brooks1:
[]
I just spoke at a shift briefing this week. I just made myself do it regardless of the outcome. I was extremely anxious before, during and after but I did it. I even had to cut it short because I began to "lock up" but I did it. I guess I have to accept that it wont be perfect and I just have to keep trying. It's SOOOOOOOOO!!! hard to make myself do it but the alternative is to give up and I cant do that. I am on the fourth week of the course and was hoping these particular issues/problems would be passing but it looks like I have a long way to go still. I'm going to take it slow and keep trying. Let me know if you learn anything new to deal with this and I will let you know. Thank You for replying[/B]

Great Job Brooks1...I admire you for even getting through it with cutting it short...my voice quivers so I can't get started...I have a meeting Friday at which we may have to introduce ourselves as attendees and I'm already reassuring myself constantly that I CAN do it. I want to say it's ok if I mess up...I understand and if no one thinks I'm too cool que cera (not sur how to spell that).

Keep on workiing..we will both see a difference.

Firstly Brooks1 you did a fantastic job getting up there and speaking YOU FELT THE FEAR AND YOU DID IT ANYWAY!! So what if you had to cut it short, small steps remember, and don't let that outshine your achievement of getting up there. Yes be prepared before you have to give your talk that always helps and remember BREATHE BREATHE BREATHE, if you can take even a minute or two for yourself before you start and say "I am calm, peaceful, relaxed" you will feel so much better. After you do your relaxation tape take a few minutes to visualise yourself giving the talk and seeing yourself how you would like to be.

Now this is an old trick but I think that people tend to forget the humourous side to life...imagine all the other people sitting there in their underwear!!! I start to laugh just thinking about it..laughter is definitely a huge tool that we've all got to help us recover.

I look forward to hearing how the next talk goes and hope that you eventually will be able to have a good time doing it

Love & Laughs

Shassy

HI all you NORMAL people!

If you ask everyone all over the world: "What are your top 5 fears?" Public speaking would be number one! No suprise I bet. Dying was, I believe number 3, hotel fires were in there somewhere...

After going through Attacking Anxiety, I did the second best thing I've done for myself - I went through the Dale Carnegie course. Wonderful! I also read many books on the subject...some very entertaining: I SEE YOU NAKED- I bought just for the clever title.

From all the information I accumulated, bottomline: Do it over and over and over, was the main theme.

You know we all do it everyday...every time we speak on the phone, to a co-worker... We are public speakers... What are we telling ourselves that makes speaking "formally" any different? Perhaps that is the place that we can start to change how we feel.

Congratulations to all of you! We may not be great orators, but we are good speakers. We are learning how to speak up for ourselves, to share our stories, to support others...We speak from the heart and have things worthy of sharing. WE are good and worthy people. We are filled with self respect...

Use your six steps; the breathing will work a miracle.

Share your talents, Carolyn

Congratulations to all of you! I think it is so great that you are able to go out and do what you are afraid of! I'm still working at it, but I'm getting there, too...

While I've never really been afraid of public speaking, I used to have lots of anticaptory anxiety about it. I remember, when I was in high school, I would be literally shaking before I got up to give a presentation. And yet, about a minute or so into my talk, I began to LOVE it! Once I would focus on my talk and on talking to other people, I calmed right down and got into it, and I never wanted to stop! In fact, I love talking in front of people so much I've going to grad school in the hopes of being a college professor. I'm going to be teaching an undergrad writing class in the fall, and I am *thrilled* about it.

But, I still get body symptoms before I talk in front of groups. In fact, when I was in college, I sometimes even felt my heart pound and myself get shaky before I raised my hand to speak. But then I realized something. I got the most "anxious" when I had something that I really, really wanted to say. And then it occurred to me: I wasn't "anxious", I was EXCITED. I was excited about sharing my ideas, and excited by the ideas I was having, and, being an extremely sensitive person, my excitement expressed itself through body symptoms.

I know that Lucinda talks about this on Tape 2, about interpreting anxiety as excitement. It really can help, especially when you are experiencing anticaptory anxiety. I know look at the shakiness and racing heart I get before public speaking as evidence of how excited I am to be talking in front of so many people. Yes, I have embraced the fact that I am just a great big ham! But, that shift in perspective helped a lot. I went from dreading the anticipation of speaking in public (and then wondering why I always calmed down so much as soon as I started), to realizing that it was just excitement and I calmed down once I began speaking because I enjoyed it.

One other thing I find extremely helpful: I still get nervous if I don't feel like I'm "connecting" or "interacting." If I'm reading something from a book, or staring at note cards, or otherwise just kind of reeling off what I'm saying, then I don't enjoy public speaking. That's why I just want to get it done with ASAP. For one thing, there's the pressure of knowing that you *have* to get to the end of the thing you are reading. And, I think that kind of keeps me from being in the moment. But, when I can go into something prepared enough that I can actually improvise and interact and really connect with the people listening, I love it. It seems like it would be scarier to look your audience in the eye, but I find that connecting with them is the best way to relieve anxiety.

Hi Lori thanks for the reply. What you have described is what I used to feel. I didn't like speaking but when I began I would be just fine. Then the day came when I had the "anxiety attack" when speaking. I have never been the same since. I've been consumed with. I think alot of what scared me is that I thought I had no way to control it. It is also strange that in the past when I was forcing myself to speak, that sometimes I would get into what I was saying and would forget about the anxiety. But, all it took was one thought about the anxiety and whammo it would hit me again. I must have did a fine job of scarring myself and it will probably take some time for me to convince myself that I am really ok. I also have tried to look my audience in the eye but it makes my head shake and I start losing it. Probably another way my mind has to keep myself feeling scared. I am going to keep trying and use my new tools. Good luck!

Hi hollyB thank you for the support. Let us know how your meeting goes. Sometimes I think what is the worse thing that can happen. No one is going to shoot me for screwing up. We can make it through this. The road may be rocky but it will be worth it in the long run!

This is really the only debilitating fear I have (public speaking), but it is soooo great that it consumes me. I have started Toastmasters (2 meetings and am only on Tape 2 (barely) of this program. So when I was talked into an impromptu little speech right off the cuff at Toastmasters, I decided to try it. I walked up to the front, turned around and was devastated by all the faces. What should I have done? How could I really start talking to myself, reassuring myself up there in front of all of them?....

It is the NICEST little group and they are too kind, but I was so scared that I shook all over. I tried to talk, but my lips were quivering and I must've looked absolutely terrified. I was. I only spoke about 45-60 seconds - seemed like 2 hours! I was BAD! Sounded like a 9 year old, NOT kidding. BUT, my point is, it was awful and I don't think I should've done it yet, but I feel I am at least moving -- not putting off or waiting. Does anyone have any input for me? I am so scared for next meeting, I know I won't do that impromptu speech again for a long time. I think it MIGHT be easier to go in for the 4-6 minute speech with notes and practice and all, rather than off the cuff... don't you think? I am soooooo scared though. It's nice to be able to say that to people who understand! Any and all input is welcome. I am petrified!!!!

------------------
Sally

Clea

The negative way you put yourself down jumped out at me.

This is a perfect assignment for the "Spiral Notebook" you will soon learn about. It is a CORNERSTONE of the program. Look over what you wrote here and take each of your negative phrases and and re-write them in a positive self talk.

For example, your negative statement:
"I must've looked absolutely terrified."

....could be changed to:
"Even though I felt terrified, the kind people in my group were pulling for me. They are such nice people I bet they were hoping I'd do a good job. I'm sure some of them have been right where I was that day, or worse! I'm sure I will do better next time."

Clea, I give you a lot of credit for attempting to conquer this common fear. If you were here in Marietta I would ask you to take me and help me conquer this, also.

GOOD LUCK! Keep us posted.

"I must've looked absolutely terrified."
"I was BAD!"
"Sounded like a 9 year old...."
"....it was awful and I don't think I am so scared for next meeting"
"I know I won't do that impromptu speech again for a long time."
"I am soooooo scared though."
"I am petrified!!!!"

------------------
Always Hopeful, Betsy H.
Marietta, GA (East Cobb)

[This message has been edited by EastCobbGABetsyH (edited 04-13-2001).]

Brooks:

I was a fearless public speaker since birth. I was a prosecutor and a lobbyist, speaking in front of hundreds of people on a regular basis. I also taught classes on a regular basis. One day while lobbying, I started getting a panic attack (my first). I thought it was a heart attack. After seeing a doctor, I went on propranolol for a short time to keep my heart rate in check. I have since had to speak on a number of occasions. I get fearful thinking about it. I also continue to teach (ironically one of the classes is on testifying in court). I have learned that PUBLIC SPEAKING is the number one fear, with fear of death at number five. THINK ABOUT THAT!!!!! At a funeral, most people would rather be in the coffin rather than giving the eulogy! The most important things you can do before you speak are to work out to relieve excess adrenaline, then breathe, breathe, breathe. Like I said, I still get uptight, but it goes away. It reminds me that I am alive and human.

------------------
Joseph

clea, Since I first posted this topic, I have come a long long way. I am now speaking in front of my employees and peers twice a day. I had this so bad that I could not socialize much less give a speech. I can't tell you what exactly helped me because it has been the whole course so far. The one thing I had to do though is make myself do it. The first time I was shaking badly and could not speak at one point but I made it through some how. I'm sure I looked terrified also. I did use the tools from the program. I made myself do it again and again and I had plenty of anxiety. I have eventually got to the point where I am somewhat comfortable speaking. Once you learn the tools and realize that you CAN! control this then it will gradually get better but you have to make yourself do it. Remember to be kind to yourself and try to think more positive. It's ok if you screw up. So what! I did plenty. It's kind of what you have to go through to get the reward waiting for you. If I can do it then anybody can do it. You are very brave just for attempting it the first time. But, don't sell yourself short and give up. Keep trying because it will get better. Hope to hear how you are doing in the future.