I badly need advice because I feel very helpless right now. I have been going through the program and doing pretty well (I'm on lesson 6). Recently my mom was found to have a possible lung cancer and we are going through a biopsy surgery next Thursday. We are very close and she is one of my "safe people". I was handling it fairly well I thought, but last Friday while driving my 15 year old son to school I had a panic attack and couldn't breathe (my worst symptom). I don't think he noticed. I distracted myself by having a conversation with him. It has really freaked me out and I have been avoiding taking him to school. My husband has been taking him in the mornings. I am scared to death that this happened in front of him and don't ever want it to happen again. He had a struggle with anxiety at the end of last school year and I don't ever want him to go through that again. I badly need some words of encouragement/advice. Thanks so much!

Kathy

Kathy --

Some of my worst panic attacks were while driving. Once, while driving a 2 hour trip from my sister's in Maryland to my home in Delaware, I had a panic attack. I was on the highway, in construction, with no where to pull over, and my daughter (then about 2 yrs old) was asleep in her car seat.

I didn't really even know what was happening to me, other than my chest hurt and I couldn't breathe. I talked myself through it and started feeling more comfortable with each mile I got closer to home. It was an isolated incident & I didn't make much of it. (the worst waited a few years to hit me).

You have an advantage in that you know what happened -- and, that it's most likely due to an overload of stress, which is completely understandable in your situation.

Have you driven at all since? Alone, with other people?

The worst thing that can happen, of course, is that you can have another panic attack. But you know how to go through a panic attack. The more you avoid driving, the more you'll build this up in your mind and give the fear of another panic attack a stronger foothold.

I know it's easy to say all of this, and not so easy to get in the car & drive. If you're not driving regularly this week, can you "practice" while your son is at school? Do you have a friend who can go on ride-alongs for a day or so while you build up your confidence?

I understand you want to shield your son from seeing your anxiety. But if he did notice something was wrong, I don't think it's out of line to let him know that you're not feeling that great because you're worried about your mother. After all, it's the truth, isn't it? The fear of recurring panic is probably a symptom of your overall worry about your mom. And that worry about your mom is natural. It's not unreasonable. Give yourself permission to feel anxious, isn't that what Lucinda says?

While I don't think you need to discuss your panic attack with your son, I think being honest that you're upset about what's going on might do a lot to help you decrease your fear.

Remember, don't run from panic. Face it, accept it, float through it, let some time pass. You can do this. It's inside of you to do it.

My last paragraph is verbatim the advice given in "Hope & Help For Your Nerves" and "Peace From Nervous Suffering" by Dr. Claire Weekes. Either one of those books (but particularly the second title) might be a great help to you -- small paperbacks that travel well, easily tucked into a purse. The author points out that you shouldn't challenge yourself with worrying about what should happen if you panic in a given situation - driving your son to school - you should only pay attention to the skills you have to get you through the panic, should panic come.

I believe that you can overcome this. But I know, firsthand, that the longer you put off driving (or driving your son to school) the harder it will be to actually do the thing you fear the most.

I've had some whoppers of panic attacks, and the people around me never really knew what was going on, unless I told them. Other than noticing that I seemed a little tense at a given time, very few people knew what I was going through.

I'd suggest that before you put yourself into a driving situation that you're worried about, do some calming breaths/breathing exercises to help relax you.

Hope something here helps. Let us know how you & your mom are doing.

Take care,
Stacey

Also -- The Midwest Center does have a tape/cd called "Driving With Comfort". I don't have it (yet) but I've heard others say it's pretty good. If you're still having issues with this after a few days, maybe you could get that & keep it in your car for listening to on an "as needed" basis.

I can understand that you dont want your son to go thru the anxiety again. But remember, your son could help you as well as him seeing you work thru it and be ok afterwards. Did that make any sense? I was somewhere with my 15 year old daughter and yes, she's had anxiety herself, and I told her I was having a panic attack, but I worked thru it and she was fine too. I can't even remember where we were now. I try to blow them off the best I can and not give it more importance than I need to. Remember, we ALWAYS make it thru a panic attack. ALWAYS. It seems that when I can even say "im having a panic attack" it just takes the steam right out of it. Like popping a balloon. I've had a few years to work on this too. Practice makes better. Redo tape #2 as this seems like a perfect time to practice what you've learned. I hope your mom is ok and that you all make it thru this stronger and better than ever.

Hugs, Reena

I know how you are feeling. I too have recently felt anxious in driving my daughter to school, which is only 2 miles from my house. I decided that if I had my husband take her I would only make the fear worse. I dread the panicky feelings. I decided to sing a song, one from church that made my breathing be more relaxed and controlled, it helped. I think that the singing outloud really helps. Good luck. Tina

I have had several times where I was afraid to drive. But for some reason this is one part of the anxiety where I was NOT going to let it control my life. I fought it with every fiber in my body.
What I found very helpful was I would get cds and tapes of comedians and play them. They gave me something to listen too instead of listening to my thoughts and before I knew it I would be at my destination. If I didn't have something to listen too I would do the alphabet game looking for the alphabet in signs. If there was a pause for the next letter I would just keep repeating that the next letter I was looking for until I found it.
I know this may sound silly but it really helped me.
Fight this and it will go away.
Sherra

Thank you all so much for your replies. I am trying to listen to Lucinda and what she says in one of her tapes about how you "come to a fork in the road" when anxiety strikes. You can go off to the left and let it spiral, or you can go off to the right and accept it and let it pass. It does seem to help somewhat. The problem with this drive to my son's school is that it is about 10 miles from my house. My plan for this week is that I am having my husband follow me so that at least I am doing the driving, but I feel comforted by the fact that he is back behind me somewhere. I am hoping to drop this routine after this week. By then I will have gotten through my mom's biopsy ordeal and maybe some of the stress will be relieved. Unless I find out she has cancer. Then I will have to deal with that also. I really have to pull myself out of this because it is so hard to have this disorder when you are raising children. I don't have time to become agoraphobic. I don't know how people even do that, although I am good at avoiding things when I can. Thank you all for your wonderful advice!

Kathy