obviously we all get anxious about a bunch of things but 1 of the most important things to me is my faer and anxiety about sex. Its gotten to the point now where i dont even go on dates fearing that might arise. Feeling pretty crazy and i know it sounds nuts too. Friends joke with me and ask me if im gay. I'm def not gay I just lost all desire and fear of not preforming or being a dissappointment take over. Its really taking a toll on me cause i dont know what to do im in the second week of this program and they keep saying face your fears but i just cant do it any1 else out there? If so HELP!

Facing your fears doesn't mean you have to go have sex. If anything maybe you are setting yourself up for unrealistic failure. You are in control of the situation. You do not have to have sex on a date, in fact the woman will be relieved that you are not expecting it! Trust me! I would start by telling yourself I am going to date to have fun and get to know someone, not to have sex. On a date, the sex issue will not "arise", unless you let it.

Thanks for the reply liesl I agree with much of what you said the only thing is i believe the situation does arise without me initiating it. And then the girl is totally freaked out and she thinks something is wrong with you when you cant do it. So thats just the problem dating isnt fun because i cant get rid of these feeling and thoughts

Its scary i know what your dealing with---but take lies advice---if you get to know someone you'll be more comfortable then maybe things will go well. Dont give up.

Leonardo,
I am a female, and I wanted you to know that most females dont expect sex on a date. In fact, most females are afraid just like you are about how to say NO to sex, especially if they just started dating.
Of course ive been married forever, but when i was dating years ago, as a woman i was so afraid of being expected to have sex, just because we were on a date.
Please take the pressure off yourself!! Just date to have fun, or go out to dinner. Ge to know someone really well. Most women would appreciate a man like you, who isnt just on the date to get sex.
Build more confidence in yourself. Let Love take place naturally, not forced, or where you feel you have to perform....Also, stay on your program, each lesson will help you with knowing yourself better, and facing your fears slowly...

Dear L.,

I want to reassure you that facing our fears needs to be coupled with some realistic sense...for example, I was afraid of roller coaster rides-trust me I was not about to go ride one in the second week of the program. Perhaps that's not the greatest comparison but my point is: you are going through the lessons one week at a time gathering tools, techniques, to manage and balance your life.

I see your issue not about sexual preformance but about self esteem. If one is able to relax and enjoy life-most things come pretty natural.

My suggestion would be to work on yourself from the inside out and the rest will fall into place. And just a peek into the future...lesson 4 is all about Not putting much stock in what other people think!

Our body hears everything our brain says, Carolyn

I am in the same place leo. I get so worked up about performing that I lose my erection right after we get started because since I started having erectile problems about ten years ago i always feel its going to happen and it does. It has broken my confidence down so far that I feel I am destined to be alone.

Shea I feel for you I wish I had the answer but I'm there myself. It almost makes you feel that something is wrong with you. Especially that now I avoid women and dating as much as possible. The one positve that I can tell you is I truly believe that we are looking for help in the right place. I say this because being 2 weeks into the program just having the no how that stress anxiety and depression is whats been my problem now for a long time is in a way relieving. Nello is right try to be with someone and have a good time and really get to know them. And lets not forget that she also said that a women would love to be with a guy like that. Thaks! Nello I know for us with are fears thats not easy but we will have to work on that. Thank you Carolyn for your input as well I'm glad you responded. Your right with the self esteem thing. I keep trying to tell myself that once I'm thinking clearly the rest will fall into place. Thinking negative for so long about so many things didnt help my situation. This condition has botched up alot for me work, vacations, relationships the list is endless but just having you guys and knowing Im not alone makes me feel that much better. Thanks for all your responses. Shea hang in there buddy. Hope you all have a great weekend and I will speak to you soon

i was glad to see this topic brought up---its totally ruining me. Im hoping the program will help. Good luck to all of us.

My confidence and self esteem have dropped so low and my negative thinking is so destructive that i can't find the way to happiness on my own. when i get into a relationship with someone who makes me feel good i suffocate them with neediness and get overly obsessive about them and lose my identity in them. i want to be loved so bad by them that i push them away.

Shea,
Do yourself a huge favor. Focus on loving yourself first. Its so important that we put effort in being our own safe person, or like you said we become totally dependent on someone else and lose our own identity!
Learn who Shea is first! Pamper yourself, Be with yourself, learn who you really are! Mostly, learn that you can be indenpendent, and you can take care of YOU!!! Then you can Share yourself with someone else, instead of giving away all of you to the point of obessing!!

I'm sorry I'm just in one of those moods today...The many faces of anxiety...It's really weird how it varies so much from one person to the next....You're going to be fine!!!!

Thank you guys. I have put all my energy into this program hoping that it works because my life truly needs to change before i do become agoraphobic and give up totally on having a good life.